Mine

on *:action:eats *:#: {
  if (%floodprotect != $null) { halt }
  if ($2 == $me) {
    if ($rand(0,10) == 3) { 
      inc %eatsuccess
      inc %eattotal
      msg $chan $nick attempts to eat juicy $me $+ , and..[9SUCCEEDS! USODA!] [13I'm in your mouth, being sucked. :o] 
      describe $chan has been eaten (9 %eatsuccess ) out of (4 %eattotal ) attempts with success rate $calc(%eatsuccess / %eattotal * 100) $+ %
    }
    else { 
      inc %eatfail
      inc %eattotal
      msg $chan $nick attempts to eat juicy $me $+ , and..[4FAILS! WAI! DESU!] [13It seems I'm not getting into your mouth. :3] 
      describe $chan slips away from Kittie and bounces away, escaping (4 %eatfail ) out of (4 %eattotal ) attempts with escape rate $calc(%eatfail / %eattotal * 100) $+ % [13awww, $nick $+ . Too bad :3]
    }
    set %floodprotect 1
    timer 1 7 unset %floodprotect
  }
  else { halt }
}