[18:21] DangerDistortioN: haha should be
[18:22] DangerDistortioN: interesting if I do
[18:22] Steph Slam: indeed
[18:22] Steph Slam: we'd be fuked lol
[18:22] DangerDistortioN: i can never discern what other people are thinking
[18:22] DangerDistortioN: yeah
[18:22] DangerDistortioN: lol
[18:23] Steph Slam: hmm i also mite want to add that part of u worries bout breaking this moral rule u set for urself nd thats y u also feel the need to say things like that and distract attention from awkward conversations we could have
[18:23] Steph Slam: O:-)
[18:24] DangerDistortioN: but i guess you dont worry that at all =p
[18:24] Steph Slam: do i not?
[18:24] DangerDistortioN: i cant tell
[18:24] Steph Slam: hmm .....then ur a pickle. learn lol
[18:24] Steph Slam: in a pickle*
[18:25] DangerDistortioN: ok I'll just take mind reading classes
[18:25] Steph Slam: haha
[18:25] Steph Slam: hmm a great hint
[18:25] Steph Slam: that works
[18:25] Steph Slam: that i hate to divulge
[18:25] Steph Slam: is to look into sumones eyes when they r talking
[18:25] Steph Slam: when we speak we divert less energy to hiding our thoughts, so we r easier to read
[18:26] DangerDistortioN: haha i've been doing that
[18:26] DangerDistortioN: doesn't help a damn :P
[18:26] Steph Slam: hmm look harder
[18:26] DangerDistortioN: why dont you tell me what you see in my eyes next time we're hanging then :p
[18:26] Steph Slam: one looks harder by letting go of the thoughts in ur head at the time, leaves more space to pik up on others
[18:27] Steph Slam: u dunt want me to do that
[18:28] DangerDistortioN: oh really
[18:28] Steph Slam: uhuhm
[18:29] Steph Slam: think. do u really want me to do that?
[18:30] DangerDistortioN: yes.
[18:30] Steph Slam: alright. but dunt get angry wit me
[18:30] Steph Slam: promise me?
[18:30] DangerDistortioN: sure
[18:31] Steph Slam: good
[18:31] Steph Slam: u wont hate me or urself either?
[18:31] DangerDistortioN: hum
[18:31] DangerDistortioN: sure
[18:32] Steph Slam: do u no y im askin u these ?s
[18:32] DangerDistortioN: why are you
[18:33] Steph Slam: u dunt no
[18:33] Steph Slam: really?
[18:33] DangerDistortioN: really I don't
[18:33] Steph Slam: wat if i decide to read ur mind at a time where ur vulnerable, or worse, thinking bout breakin ur own rules
[18:34] DangerDistortioN: i wont be breaking my own rules trust me there
[18:34] Steph Slam: wont be thinking about it or doing it? actions nd thoughts r completely different things
[18:35] DangerDistortioN: that they are
[18:36] Steph Slam: lol
[18:36] Steph Slam: so one can think without acting
[18:36] DangerDistortioN: and similarly act without thinking
[18:36] Steph Slam: but as it follows in human condition nd behavior, to voice a thought, influences the action to occufr
[18:36] Steph Slam: of course one could act witout thinking, which is just as dangerous
[18:36] DangerDistortioN: interesting
[18:37] Steph Slam: is it?
[18:37] DangerDistortioN: yeah it is :P
[18:37] Steph Slam: hm
[18:37] Steph Slam: so u sure u want me to let u no
[18:37] Steph Slam: next time i read u
[18:38] DangerDistortioN: sure tell me everything you see I'm interested
[18:38] Steph Slam: ok
[18:38] Steph Slam: u still havent figured out if i think the same way - thats interesting
[18:39] DangerDistortioN: who's been saying I've been trying to
[18:39] Steph Slam: u havent tried recently. but its on the backburner
[18:41] DangerDistortioN: haha if you say it is
[18:41] Steph Slam: perhaps i say it is to put it in ur head for future reference lol
[18:41] Steph Slam: ever think of that? reverse psychologyish
[18:41] DangerDistortioN: reverse psychology is the only psychology i know about
[18:42] Steph Slam: its not even really psychology, its just manipulation
[18:42] DangerDistortioN: do you manipulate often? :]
[18:42] Steph Slam: only when i want to be playful or seductive or when im trying to learn something about someone that they dunt want to readily expose
[18:44] DangerDistortioN: hum
[18:44] Steph Slam: wat?
[18:44] DangerDistortioN: oh im just absorbing that
[18:44] DangerDistortioN: lol
[18:44] Steph Slam: lo y
[18:44] Steph Slam: lol*
[18:46] Steph Slam: hmm? ther was nothing ther that was terribly interesting was ther?
[18:46] Steph Slam: i never manipulate to hur
[18:46] Steph Slam: hurt
[18:46] Steph Slam: just so u no
[18:46] DangerDistortioN: if you say so
[18:46] Steph Slam: o hun u dunt beleive me do u
[18:47] Steph Slam: wel if ur curious bout the last part the" things they wont readily expose" they r thigns that my knowning wont hurt the idiv it just helps me help them
[18:47] Steph Slam: i usualy only use that in therapy
[18:47] Steph Slam: not with my friends
[18:47] Steph Slam: i use manipulation wit my friends to be playful, or to be seductive with who im involved with
[18:48] Steph Slam: make more sense?
[18:48] DangerDistortioN: if you say so
[18:48] Steph Slam: oo y dunt u beleive me
[18:48] DangerDistortioN: =p
[18:48] Steph Slam: its painful
[18:49] DangerDistortioN: manipulating someone never really goes without hurt even if it's not intentionally harming someone
[18:49] DangerDistortioN: at least
[18:49] DangerDistortioN: that's my thought process
[18:49] Steph Slam: well thats not a psych majors htought process lol
[18:49] DangerDistortioN: realizing that you've been manipulated
[18:49] Steph Slam: nd generally i let on to my friends when im being playful and we laugh about it
[18:49] DangerDistortioN: is hurtful
[18:50] Steph Slam: i think we r talkin two different languages
[18:50] Steph Slam: manipulatin for me is a game wit my firends that i discloe and laugh about with them later one. manipulatin with a lover is another story nd is meant to give and get wat one wants and is always mutual
[18:51] Steph Slam: manipulation in therapy is later disclosed when the patient is able to handle it and discussed to weed out any lingering upsets
[18:51] DangerDistortioN: i for one don't enjoy being manipulated
[18:51] Steph Slam: when have u been manipulated ? by me, since we r talkin bout how i view manipulation
[18:51] DangerDistortioN: in general i dont
[18:52] Steph Slam: o ok
[18:52] Steph Slam: well when it comes to me ill never manipulate u in a painful or bad way i promise u that
[18:53] DangerDistortioN: does that include trying to seduce me
[18:53] Steph Slam: hahah when have i tried to do that?
[18:53] DangerDistortioN: haha play innocent if you want
[18:53] Steph Slam: oo come on! i never did that
[18:53] Steph Slam: when
[18:53] Steph Slam: giv me an example
[18:54] DangerDistortioN: the psych test a couple days ago is a fine example
[18:54] Steph Slam: o sweetie. clearly u never really been seduced. that was nothing, i dunt even consider that seduction
[18:54] Steph Slam: u dunt want me to try. trust me. ull hate me for it
[18:54] Steph Slam: or urself for it
[18:55] DangerDistortioN: haha that almost sounds like a threat :P
[18:55] Steph Slam: it can be
[18:55] Steph Slam: one made in love of course
[18:55] Steph Slam: depends on how u interpert it, someone could have taken that statement as a challenge even
[18:56] DangerDistortioN: haha i could understand that idealogy
[18:56] Steph Slam: haha
[18:56] Steph Slam: well which is it for u
[18:56] Steph Slam: a defense? gaurd? threat? challenge?
[18:56] DangerDistortioN: a threat
[18:56] Steph Slam: lol
[18:56] Steph Slam: how intriguing
[18:57] DangerDistortioN: you seem almost sure of yourself that it wouldn't be difficult
[18:57] Steph Slam: do i?
[18:57] Steph Slam: u mean difficult to seduce u or wat?
[18:57] DangerDistortioN: yeah
[18:57] Steph Slam: do i really seem that way?
[18:58] DangerDistortioN: just now you did =p
[18:58] Steph Slam: hhha think wat u will
[18:59] Steph Slam: honestly if a girl plays her games rite it isnt hard to seduce any man
[18:59] DangerDistortioN: so it seems
[18:59] Steph Slam: but i dunt think that way with u
[18:59] Steph Slam: if i did = u wouldn't have stopped at a kiss
[19:00] DangerDistortioN: nope lol
[19:00] Steph Slam: O:-)
[19:00] DangerDistortioN: which is good
[19:01] Steph Slam: wat is
[19:01] DangerDistortioN: that you dont think that way with me
[19:01] Steph Slam: is it?
[19:01] Steph Slam: or do u jsut want to tell urself that it is
[19:02] DangerDistortioN: haha ok
[19:02] Steph Slam: lol well ur not gettin away wit that one which is it lol
[19:03] DangerDistortioN: it is good
[19:03] Steph Slam: be honest lol
[19:03] DangerDistortioN: i hesitated answering that because asking that questions makes me doubt your intentions
[19:03] Steph Slam: how so
[19:03] DangerDistortioN: haha you wouldn't have asked that if you aren't still playing a little bit of a game here
[19:04] Steph Slam: o shush no game i promise. just loving an awkward conversation
[19:04] Steph Slam: i like awkward moments, i like discussions like these
[19:04] DangerDistortioN: yeah they're fun
[19:04] Steph Slam: if i was playing a game still i wouldnt have dropped u off when i did. or i woulda kissed ur cheek goodbye so u could spend hours thinkin
[19:04] DangerDistortioN: yet
[19:05] DangerDistortioN: if you weren't playing a game you wouldn't be so curious as to knowing how I feel about it
[19:05] Steph Slam: no i would be
[19:05] DangerDistortioN: so maybe it's a little of both
[19:05] Steph Slam: im curious about a lot of things
[19:05] Steph Slam: well maybe its not u im playin the game with?
[19:05] DangerDistortioN: well then who are you playing it with
[19:05] Steph Slam: maybe myself?
[19:05] DangerDistortioN: thats peculiar
[19:05] Steph Slam: hm well u did call me crazy earlier so i wouldnt put it past me
[19:06] DangerDistortioN: true
[19:06] DangerDistortioN: but dont plead insanity on me
[19:06] Steph Slam: hahahah
[19:06] Steph Slam: no im completely sane nd know exactly what im doing
[19:06] DangerDistortioN: yes that's what's scary
[19:06] DangerDistortioN: haha
[19:06] Steph Slam: hahah
[19:06] Steph Slam: ur fantastic, i shoulda met u sooner, i ve not known someone to last this long in a convo like this
[19:07] DangerDistortioN: yeah I guess I'm quite the challenger
[19:07] DangerDistortioN: too much is at stake here to back down
[19:08] DangerDistortioN: and besides this is fun, absurdly
[19:08] Steph Slam: lol
[19:08] DangerDistortioN: i think you're enjoying yourself a lot more then you'll let on too
[19:08] Steph Slam: i think its fun cuz its letting u think the things u dunt want to think and hint at the things ur afraid to say
[19:08] Steph Slam: i am enjoying it a great deal
[19:08] DangerDistortioN: haha
[19:09] DangerDistortioN: too bad it's not in person
[19:09] DangerDistortioN: then we'd be having a blast
[19:09] Steph Slam: hmm
[19:09] Steph Slam: a blast isnt how id put it
[19:09] DangerDistortioN: oh really
[19:09] Steph Slam: to dangerous a conversation to have in person
[19:09] Steph Slam: id end up using some other methods then words
[19:09] DangerDistortioN: falcon punch
[19:09] Steph Slam: hahah
[19:09] Steph Slam: no
[19:10] Steph Slam: think more on the darker lines
[19:10] DangerDistortioN: blood magic
[19:10] Steph Slam: hahah
[19:10] Steph Slam: not quite that dark
[19:10] DangerDistortioN: too dark?
[19:10] DangerDistortioN: haha well why dont you enlighten me then
[19:11] Steph Slam: lol
[19:11] Steph Slam: certain looks, certain hand motions or proximitiy or body language
[19:12] DangerDistortioN: those are always fun
[19:12] DangerDistortioN: so if it wouldn't be a blast how would it be then?
[19:12] Steph Slam: dangerous
[19:12] DangerDistortioN: haha
[19:13] Steph Slam: lol
[19:13] Steph Slam: i dunt no another word for it
[19:14] DangerDistortioN: haha
[19:14] DangerDistortioN: ok
[19:14] Steph Slam: would u like to try to have this in person
[19:14] DangerDistortioN: it would definitely be an uphill battle for me
[19:15] DangerDistortioN: I think better with the internet as my shield
[19:15] DangerDistortioN: haha
[19:15] Steph Slam: hahahah
[19:15] Steph Slam: worded very well
[19:16] Steph Slam: if i let u say one thing that was on ur mind that ur afraid to say and want to say at the same time, would u say it knowing ther would be no response or no punishment or consequence for it?
[19:16] DangerDistortioN: nope
[19:16] Steph Slam: (one of my fav ?s to ask people)
[19:16] DangerDistortioN: assuming there is anything
[19:17] Steph Slam: yes assuming ther is. but really ther r always htings on people minds they want and cannot say
[19:17] DangerDistortioN: if you say there is
[19:17] Steph Slam: psych classes teach me that
[19:18] DangerDistortioN: do you believe that?
[19:18] Steph Slam: yes
[19:18] Steph Slam: very much so, because it has always proven to be true in my expereinces
[19:18] DangerDistortioN: then it must be true for you
[19:18] Steph Slam: it is true for me
[19:19] DangerDistortioN: of course it is
[19:20] DangerDistortioN: and everyone has their secrets; who says my secret is that there is no secret
[19:20] DangerDistortioN: I play with my hand revealed most of the time talking to you
[19:20] DangerDistortioN: what makes you think I'm hiding anything
[19:21] Steph Slam: who said i ever thought u were
[19:22] DangerDistortioN: your questioning implies that I am
[19:22] Steph Slam: no its just a ? or perhaps it was to make u think that i thought u had a secret
[19:22] Steph Slam: lol
[19:22] Steph Slam: or perhaps even
[19:22] Steph Slam: i said what i said in order to make u wonder if i have a secret
[19:22] DangerDistortioN: well i hope you dont think that I think that you think that I think that you have a secret
[19:23] Steph Slam: haha well done
[19:23] DangerDistortioN: you're full of secrets
[19:23] Steph Slam: indeed iam
[19:23] Steph Slam: but perhaps i wanted u to think that i have a secret that pertains to our friendship
[19:23] Steph Slam: which would be just cruel of me
[19:24] DangerDistortioN: would be even crueler if it's true
[19:24] Steph Slam: well said
[19:24] Steph Slam: fortunetly i do not
[19:24] DangerDistortioN: if you say so
[19:24] Steph Slam: everything u can basically guess at or infer or hear from my lips
[19:26] DangerDistortioN: haha
[19:26] Steph Slam: y so funni dear?
[19:26] DangerDistortioN: i love that
[19:26] Steph Slam: y
[19:26] DangerDistortioN: so and so is typing
[19:26] Steph Slam: ?
[19:26] DangerDistortioN: ergh you know aim shows you when someone's typing a msg
[19:26] Steph Slam: yup
[19:26] DangerDistortioN: yeah
[19:27] Steph Slam: oo yeh so wats so funni bout it
[19:27] DangerDistortioN: i found that amusing that we both started typing and stopped
[19:27] Steph Slam: hahaha
[19:27] Steph Slam: dammit i didnt thikn ud catch that
[19:27] DangerDistortioN: what were you going to say eh?
[19:27] Steph Slam: i dunt remember
[19:27] Steph Slam: lol
[19:28] Steph Slam: wat were u gonns say
[19:28] DangerDistortioN: 'haha'
[19:28] Steph Slam: lol
[19:28] Steph Slam: dammit this is not helping me study
[19:28] Steph Slam: but im so intrigued in this convo
[19:28] DangerDistortioN: yeah
[19:28] DangerDistortioN: i didn't imagine it is haha
[19:28] DangerDistortioN: if you want to back out now I'd completely understand 8)
[19:29] Steph Slam: never! lol
[19:29] DangerDistortioN: okey dokey then
[19:29] Steph Slam: i beleive it was ur turn to make a comment to make me think lol
[19:29] DangerDistortioN: seriously
[19:30] Steph Slam: seriously wat
[19:30] DangerDistortioN: hrrrrrm
[19:32] DangerDistortioN: nah its your turn
[19:32] DangerDistortioN: unless you dont want to know anything
[19:32] Steph Slam: i wanna no everything dear
[19:32] Steph Slam: if i was able to climb inside ur or any other brain nd learn everthin i would
[19:33] DangerDistortioN: well then I'm thankful that kind of technology doesn't exist yet
[19:33] DangerDistortioN: have you ever seen the movie the cell
[19:33] DangerDistortioN: it's very similar to what you described
[19:34] Steph Slam: nope
[19:34] Steph Slam: sounds like id like it tho
[19:34] DangerDistortioN: it stars J'LO
[19:34] DangerDistortioN: lol
[19:34] Steph Slam: sigh
[19:34] Steph Slam: lol
[19:34] Steph Slam: shes a better singer than actress i think
[19:35] DangerDistortioN: it's a pretty scary movie
[19:35] DangerDistortioN: too
[19:35] DangerDistortioN: so
[19:35] DangerDistortioN: yeah
[19:35] DangerDistortioN: you'll have to see it
[19:36] Steph Slam: hmm only if i can cuddle sumtin
[19:36] Steph Slam: scary movies usualy equate to me under a blanket
[19:36] Steph Slam: or screaming into a shoulder or ribcage
[19:36] DangerDistortioN: screaming?
[19:36] Steph Slam: well if its makes u jump
[19:36] DangerDistortioN: ah
[19:36] DangerDistortioN: ok
[19:36] Steph Slam: lol or if i dunt expect sumtin
[19:36] DangerDistortioN: haha
[19:36] Steph Slam: generally guys love watching scary movies wit me
[19:36] DangerDistortioN: i can't watch most scary movies
[19:36] Steph Slam: really
[19:37] DangerDistortioN: yeah lol
[19:37] DangerDistortioN: not a fan
[19:37] DangerDistortioN: at all
[19:37] Steph Slam: really how come
[19:38] DangerDistortioN: i'm prone to thinking about them a lot as I go to sleep
[19:38] DangerDistortioN: never has been a good combination
[19:38] Steph Slam: aww ur like me then
[19:38] Steph Slam: i think bout them to so generally i cuddle sumtin to sleep to so i feel more secure
[19:38] DangerDistortioN: i usually need like 15-20 minutes of like just lieing down
[19:38] Steph Slam: lol
[19:38] DangerDistortioN: before i sleep
[19:38] DangerDistortioN: i think
[19:38] Steph Slam: i need a lot more time then that
[19:38] DangerDistortioN: depends how tired you are
[19:38] DangerDistortioN: haha
[19:38] Steph Slam: wa?T
[19:39] Steph Slam: like ill watch the scary movie as long as i got sumone to hold on to or be near so i feel safe, nd then when i go to bed ill hold a teddy bear or my pillow or a person. generally if i sleep in the same bed as sumone i dunt like being held tightly or held at all, but a scary movie throws that behavior out the window lol
[19:40] DangerDistortioN: fear is quite a dominating emotion eh?
[19:40] Steph Slam: very esp for me
[19:40] Steph Slam: i hate to admit tha
[19:40] Steph Slam: that8
[19:41] Steph Slam: i high level of fear and or anxiety leads me to be in constant search of security, where i fidn security unfortunelty often is in poor places or people which ends up producing more fear
[19:41] Steph Slam: its a vicious cycle
[19:41] DangerDistortioN: I understand that
[19:41] DangerDistortioN: sucks
[19:42] Steph Slam: i want it to stop
[19:42] Steph Slam: nd i think the only way it would stop is if i was able to silence my fear wit a secure attachment that was healthy
[19:42] DangerDistortioN: well it will only stop
[19:42] DangerDistortioN: when you want it stop
[19:42] DangerDistortioN: it to stop
[19:42] Steph Slam: i disagree
[19:42] DangerDistortioN: force of will
[19:43] Steph Slam: ive been wanting it to stop forever i jsut cant seem to idk locate people who are good secruties
[19:43] Steph Slam: securities*
[19:43] DangerDistortioN: and is that only because you gravitate towards those who are far from ideal
[19:44] Steph Slam: which i have no idea why i do other than i find vulnerablilities and darkness nd flaws highly atttractive - which just adds to the cycle apparently
[19:44] Steph Slam: so perhaps im not meant to get out of it
[19:44] DangerDistortioN: yeah you should really try to get out of it
[19:44] Steph Slam: easier said then done
[19:44] DangerDistortioN: that is true
[19:44] Steph Slam: its hard to change wat u find attractive
[19:44] DangerDistortioN: especially coming from someone like me
[19:45] Steph Slam: my hope is i find sumthing or someone who meets my attraction requirments nd isnt an asshole
[19:45] Steph Slam: that dont seem to exist very much
[19:45] DangerDistortioN: no, they dont
[19:47] DangerDistortioN: but then you say you only find yourself attracted to these types of men who hurt you so you in turn seek them out; kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy and a pretty unhealthy outlook I think
[19:47] Steph Slam: growl
[19:47] DangerDistortioN: perhaps you seek them out so as to control them and vicariously conquer your fear?
[19:48] Steph Slam: hmm thats an interesting concept. except i hate control, i dunt like controling nething, sumtimes not even my own life
[19:48] DangerDistortioN: really; I've always thought you kind of were a controlling person; no offense.
[19:49] Steph Slam: r u serious!
[19:49] DangerDistortioN: yeah
[19:49] Steph Slam: tho i am highly offended do explain y
[19:50] DangerDistortioN: a controlling person manipulates
[19:50] DangerDistortioN: I'm a controlling person myself steph if i don't look it
[19:51] DangerDistortioN: you've said you knew I was going to kiss you for a few days
[19:51] DangerDistortioN: you were in control of that
[19:51] DangerDistortioN: all the psych stuff indicates that too
[19:52] DangerDistortioN: and the fact that you like to know every secret :)
[19:52] DangerDistortioN: are you still offended ?:(
[19:53] Steph Slam: sigh
[19:55] Steph Slam: ....
[19:56] Steph Slam: kinda but i see wat ur saying
[19:57] Steph Slam: i just dont wanna agree at all
[19:57] Steph Slam: brad jsut called
[19:57] DangerDistortioN: what's he got to say =o
[19:59] Steph Slam: im getin the contracts tomorrow at 3:00
[19:59] Steph Slam: lol
[20:00] DangerDistortioN: hum ok
[20:00] DangerDistortioN: or the second draft
[20:00] DangerDistortioN: haha
[20:00] Steph Slam: lol yeh
[20:02] DangerDistortioN: well anyway that's something i didn't really want to tell you...
[20:02] Steph Slam: wat
[20:02] Steph Slam: that ur controlling or u think that i am
[20:02] DangerDistortioN: my thoughts on it
[20:02] Steph Slam: on wat?
[20:02] Steph Slam: wait huh
[20:03] DangerDistortioN: that I think you're controlling
[20:04] Steph Slam: y didnt u wanna tell me that
[20:04] DangerDistortioN: feared you'd get mad?
[20:04] Steph Slam: u were smart to fear that
[20:05] DangerDistortioN: uh oh you phrasing it like that implies reprisal
[20:05] DangerDistortioN: :S
[20:05] Steph Slam: hmm
[20:07] Steph Slam: im kinda mad at it but w.e we r all entitled to our own opinions
[20:07] Steph Slam: tho i cant help but wonder, if i was controlling nd u also admit to being controlling, who in gods name would dominate situations between us - or would it be an equal thing, harmonious maybe, nd maybe that is y i get along so well wit u
[20:08] Steph Slam: or perhaps am so intriuged by u
[20:08] DangerDistortioN: hah
[20:08] Steph Slam: wat?
[20:08] DangerDistortioN: interesting question
[20:08] Steph Slam: isnt it
[20:08] DangerDistortioN: it is
[20:08] DangerDistortioN: :P
[20:08] DangerDistortioN: humm
[20:08] Steph Slam: wat do u think
[20:08] DangerDistortioN: we're both pretty stubborn people
[20:09] Steph Slam: haha
[20:09] Steph Slam: indeed
[20:09] Steph Slam: yet im stubborn to different aspects then u
[20:09] Steph Slam: ur stubborn to stik to wat u think ought to be right, im stubborn to wat i rationalize and feel
[20:09] Steph Slam: in all situations , not just between us
[20:09] DangerDistortioN: so true
[20:10] Steph Slam: tho taking from the situation u borught up earlier - i have a theory that helps support my previous theory of harmony
[20:10] Steph Slam: u see
[20:12] Steph Slam: for instance this kiss thing - yes i did no for a while, nd perhaps keeping in ur premise that i was in control of that situation, we can say i was, i was in control of letting u kiss me or my reaction. now -= the role reverses - i could say that u in turn were in control afterwards - true i did stop u after a kiss which allows me to maintain the control - BUT u kissed me more then once , which threw the ball into your court cuz it was a battle of control, cuz i woulda wanted it stopped at one. THEn u continued to maintain control by laying down rules u felt were proper for our situation
[20:12] Steph Slam: now this represents harmony cuz it bounces bak nd forth - but now my dear the question is - who is in control as we speak?
[20:13] Steph Slam: are A : in control of ourselves to the extent we can be, B: im controlling u with games or C: ur controling me by not allowing me to act on my feelings or rationalizations or D: both B and C with conclusion of harmony
[20:13] Steph Slam: WOW that was intense
[20:13] DangerDistortioN: yeah
[20:13] DangerDistortioN: haha
[20:13] DangerDistortioN: I am just like
[20:13] DangerDistortioN: beaming right now I love what you just threw at me
[20:14] Steph Slam: hahah lol
[20:14] DangerDistortioN: well I'll give my opinion if you give yours deal?
[20:15] Steph Slam: sure
[20:15] Steph Slam: lol i like ths
[20:15] Steph Slam: u r so much fun
[20:15] DangerDistortioN: yes this is by far the most fun
[20:15] DangerDistortioN: i've had all day
[20:15] Steph Slam: haha
[20:15] DangerDistortioN: all weekend
[20:15] Steph Slam: i feel special
[20:16] DangerDistortioN: now
[20:16] DangerDistortioN: explain harmony a bit more
[20:16] Steph Slam: harmony - the push and pull, give and take balance of control
[20:16] Steph Slam: between us under the conditrion that we both have a controlling nature -sumone always needs to be dominating a situation - harmony is that domination equally split between us
[20:17] DangerDistortioN: ok
[20:17] DangerDistortioN: this might be cheating the grand scheme of things but to fairly answer I'd need to know what your feelings and rationalizations are
[20:17] Steph Slam: o no that cheats lol
[20:18] DangerDistortioN: ok
[20:18] Steph Slam: what u suppose my feelsing nd rationalizations are
[20:18] Steph Slam: use that
[20:18] DangerDistortioN: ok
[20:18] DangerDistortioN: and what does A imply
[20:19] DangerDistortioN: that no one controls
[20:19] Steph Slam: yes, nd no
[20:19] Steph Slam: no control over the other, but over ourselves
[20:19] Steph Slam: for instance u control ur desire by rules, i control my games by honesty
[20:21] DangerDistortioN: control your games by honesty?
[20:21] Steph Slam: yes
[20:21] Steph Slam: i dunt in other words play games
[20:21] Steph Slam: i am jsut honest
[20:22] DangerDistortioN: haha well you're too elusive for that to be the case
[20:22] DangerDistortioN: I'm going to say C
[20:23] Steph Slam: hm explan
[20:23] Steph Slam: u truly r controling then go on
[20:24] DangerDistortioN: i don't ever intend to not be in control of my feelings again
[20:25] Steph Slam: ys that
[20:25] DangerDistortioN: too much at stake
[20:25] Steph Slam: how so
[20:26] DangerDistortioN: our friendship, my friendship with jake, what I would do for housing next year, your promise to everyone
[20:26] Steph Slam: i only promised jake lol
[20:26] DangerDistortioN: oh i thought you said you promised jake and danielle
[20:26] Steph Slam: no just jake
[20:26] DangerDistortioN: oh ok
[20:26] Steph Slam: i told danielle tho
[20:27] DangerDistortioN: ah
[20:28] Steph Slam: so just out of curiosity, if ur so determined to be in control of ur feelings for the remainder of our friendship y then r u so worried about breaking ur rules
[20:29] DangerDistortioN: it's mind vs body
[20:29] DangerDistortioN: you know that
[20:29] Steph Slam: hm ic
[20:29] DangerDistortioN: well
[20:29] DangerDistortioN: your turn
[20:29] Steph Slam: lol
[20:29] Steph Slam: i say D
[20:30] DangerDistortioN: ha I knew you were
[20:30] Steph Slam: care to hear my reasoning its good
[20:30] DangerDistortioN: yes
[20:30] DangerDistortioN: please
[20:30] Steph Slam: ok well
[20:32] Steph Slam: for one u r controling my feeling nd rationalizations by creating rules beacuse i can no longer act on what i like out of moral duties, i feel it to be morally wrong to help u break ur own rules, so i cannot and will not. nd if i had it my way like normal in my life i dunt care bout consequences as long as i had fun doing w.e it was i did that gave me consesqunces. likewise i am controling u wit games in that everything we have said to each tonight is realy my way of kaing u think bout breaking ur own rules so i dunt have to actually do it for u, and making u think harder about urself ndme. and even tho i mean no harm with my games, all such conversations of this nature in the long run are games
[20:33] Steph Slam: and to add
[20:33] Steph Slam: it is a balance of control, because if u were soley in control u would have no concern of mind vs body ther would ne no concern at all
[20:34] DangerDistortioN: haha
[20:34] DangerDistortioN: fascinating
[20:34] Steph Slam: and if u were turly in control, i would have no need for this convo cuz no change could occur
[20:34] Steph Slam: it is fascinating isnt it?
[20:34] DangerDistortioN: yeah
[20:34] DangerDistortioN: so you admit to these games heh
[20:35] Steph Slam: on a non manipulative level yes
[20:35] DangerDistortioN: well I've had fun playing this one tonight Ill confess
[20:35] Steph Slam: as did i
[20:35] Steph Slam: whole heartedly
[20:35] Steph Slam: except for the fact that i admit - i would have prefered it in person
[20:36] DangerDistortioN: so would you feel absolved of guilt then if I broke my own rules
[20:36] Steph Slam: cuz id lov to see ur body language nd facial reactions to it
[20:36] DangerDistortioN: yeah lucky me we're not heh
[20:36] Steph Slam: ys that?
[20:37] DangerDistortioN: you've got a more forceful personality and again as before I'm no good at body language
[20:37] Steph Slam: oo ic
[20:37] Steph Slam: and as for ur previous ? about guilt
[20:38] Steph Slam: yes u could say i would be guitless if u broke ur own rules, but more importantly, id be able to laugh in the face of fate. in that we neither i nor u have complete control. sumtin else does, and that is call "basic human drives"