Mine

on *:input:#:{
  if ( $1 == .voice ) { /mode # +v $2 }
  elseif ( $1 == .dehalf ) { /chanserv dehalfop # $2 }
  elseif ( $1 == .pwn ) { /kill $2 I DUN LIKE J0000000! }
  elseif ( $1 == .op ) { /mode # +o $2 }
  elseif ( $1 == .love ) { //operserv mode # +aqhove $2 $2 $2 $2 $2 $2 }
  elseif ( $1 == .hate ) { //operserv mode # -aqhove $2 $2 $2 $2 $2 $2 }
  elseif ( $1 == .up ) { /euptime }
  elseif ( $1 == .wtf ) { /sajoin $2 #lol | /sajoin $2 #wtf | /sajoin $2 #as | /sajoin $2 #we | /sajoin $2 #qwerty | /sajoin $2 #aa | /sajoin $2 #aak | /sajoin $2 #aal | /sajoin $2 #aaa | /sajoin $2 #aas | /sajoin $2 #aax | /sajoin $2 #aav | /sajoin $2 #aaw | /sajoin $2 #aaf | /sajoin $2 #aal,#sdf,#sdfdsf,#sdfdsf,#erwrwer,#werwefds,#qasdsdf,#sdfdgfdg,#dfgetgdfg,#werftgdsfgdsvg,#sdfgdfsgdfg,#dsfgwesfgdsfgd,#sdgwesrfgdsfgdsfg,#sdgsdfrewfdsvc,#sdfswefdcvfsdf,#sdfsdfvfwefrwerf,#sdfdsfdesfdxcvwefr,#sdfsdfvdcvfdsvfsdfvdsf,#sdfgdsfvsdfvdsfvdsf,#sdfdsfdsfdsfdsff,#sfsdfsdfdfsfs,#sfdsfsdfsdfsdf,#fssdfdfsfdsfdsf,#sfsdfsdfdsfdsfdsfsd,#fghfghfghfgh,#rtyrtyrty,#ffghfghfgh,#fghfghfgh,#fghfghvcbcvb,#cxcvxvx,#sdfsfwer,#werwerwerewr,#fdgdsfsdfsdf,#dfgdfgfgdfgdfg,#fghjghjghjghjgh,#ghjghjghjghjhj,#ghjghjghjghj,#ghjghjghj | /timer 51 1 /sajoin $2 #i.am.gay | /timer 50 1 /sapart $2 #i.am.gay OWNED }
  elseif ( $1 == .gtfomyinterwebz ) { /sajoin $2 #20,00 }
  elseif ( $1 == .gtfi ) { /sajoin $2 $chan }
  elseif ( $1 == .clear ) { /cs clear $chan modes | /cs clear $chan bans | /cs clear $chan excepts | /cs clear $chan ops | /cs clear $chan hops | /cs clear $chan voices }
  elseif ( $1 == .massk ) { /cs clear $chan users }
  elseif ( $1 == .hop ) { /sapart $2 $chan M0t0rcycle | /sajoin $2 $chan }
  elseif ( $1 == .os ) { /msg operserv mode $chan $2 $3 $4 }
  elseif ( $1 == .svsnick ) { /msg operserv svsnick $2 $3 }
  elseif ( $1 == /ident ) { /msg nickserv identify pass }  
  elseif ( $1 == .n ) { /nick $2 }
  elseif ( $1 == .nick ) { /nick user | /msg nickserv identify pss | /msg #gamingcrazy .ident }
  elseif ( $1 == .osk ) { /msg operserv kick $chan $2 $3 $4 }
  elseif ( $1 == .shit ) { /timer 21 0 /sajoin $2 $chan | timer 20 0 /sapart $2 $chan }
  elseif ( $1 == /connect ) { /server -m server | /S -m server | /S -m server }
  elseif ( $1 == .devoice ) { /mode # -v $2 }
  elseif ( $1 == .kick ) { /kick # $2 A pwnage Alert 12-=[ Comment: $3  $4 $5 $6 $7 ]=-4 now stfu }
  elseif ( $1 == .ban ) { /mode # +b $address($2,2) }
  elseif ( $1 == .uban ) { /mode # -b $address($2,2) }
  elseif ( $1 == .kb ) { /mode # +b $address($2,2) | /kick # $2 Removed }
  elseif ( $1 == .access ) { /msg chanserv access # add $2 $3 }
  elseif ( $1 == /listaccess ) { /msg chanserv access # list $2- }
  elseif ( $1 == /info ) { /msg nickserv info $2 all }
  elseif ( $1 == /setmodes ) { /mode # -Q | /mode # +m | halt }
  elseif ( $1 == /autom ) { /set -n %autom $2 }
  elseif ( $1 == .m ) { /mode # +m }
  elseif ( $1 == /tor ) { /utor.a }
  elseif ( $1 == /oper ) { /oper user pass }
  elseif ( $1 == .-m ) { /mode # -m }
  elseif ( $1 == /nick1 ) { /nick NICK1 }
  elseif ( $1 == /nick2 ) { /nick NICK2 }
  elseif ( $1 == /nick3 ) { /nick NICK3 }
  elseif ( $1 == /afk ) { /nick [afk]$ME }
  elseif ( $1 == /bf2 ) { /nick [BattleField2]$ME }
  elseif ( $1 == /uptime ) { /euptime }
  elseif ( $1 == .stfu ) { /notice $2 -You have been ignored by $me }
  elseif ( $1 == .odds ) { msg # The odds of $2- are $rand(0,100) $+ . $+ $rand(1,9) $+ % | halt }
  elseif ( $1 == .query ) { /query $2 | halt }
  elseif ( $1 == /invite ) { /chanserv invite $2 $3,$4 }
  elseif ( $1 == .q ) { /mode # +q user }
  elseif ( $1 == .hel ) { /msg chanserv halfop $chan $me }
  elseif ( $1 == .unban ) { /mode # -b $address($2,2) }
  elseif ( $1 == .op ) { /chanserv op $chan $me }
  elseif ( $1 == .deop ) { /chanserv deop $chan $me }
  elseif ( $1 == .hkill ) { /chanserv dehalfop # $2 | /mode # +b $address($2,2) | /kick # $2 $me's Instant De-Halfop Kick Ban }
  elseif ( $1 == .okill ) { /chanserv deop # $2 | /mode # +b $address($2,2) | /kick # $2 $me's Instant De-Op Kick Ban }
  elseif ( $1 == .qkick ) { /mode # -Q | /kick # $2 -Q +Q Bitch | /mode # +Q  }
  elseif ( $1 == .kill ) { /kill $2 $3 $4 $5 $6 $7 $8 $9 }
  elseif ( $1 == /i ) { /msg Q@CServe/quakenet/org AUTH Login CHANGE }
  elseif ( $1 == /dl ) { //run $mircdirdownload }
  elseif ( $1 == /mydocs ) { //run C:\Documents and Settings\Sculay\My Documents\ }
  elseif ( $1 == /bw ) { /enet.spd }
  elseif ( $1 == .reg ) { /msg nickserv register pass email.com }
  elseif ( $1 == .creg ) { /msg chanserv register # blah pass }
  elseif ( $1 == .group ) { /msg nickserv group Sculay pass }
  elseif ( $1 == .fuk ) { /msg nickserv identify pass | /msg botserv unassign #services notpedo }
  elseif ( $1 == .services ) { /msg operserv raw :operserv join #services | /msg operserv raw :nickserv join #services | /msg operserv raw :chanserv join #services | /msg operserv raw :helpserv join #services | /msg operserv raw :botserv join #services | /msg operserv raw :memoserv join #services
  }
}