Mine

on 1:TEXT:*!8ball*:#:{
  var %8ball = $rand(1,23)
  describe $chan is shaking up the 8ball...
  if (%8Ball == 1) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 2OF COURSE FGT!
  if (%8Ball == 2) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 4Hell no! What were you thinking?!?!
  if (%8Ball == 3) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 12GTFO FGT
  if (%8Ball == 4) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 11You want the truth?! YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!
  if (%8Ball == 5) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 1Maybe...
  if (%8Ball == 6) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 10Definitely!
  if (%8Ball == 7) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5Ask some other time, fool.
  if (%8Ball == 8) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 8If you bow down to me.. it's a maybe.
  if (%8Ball == 9) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 9Are you sure you want to ask me that?
  if (%8Ball == 10) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 2Awwww HELL NAWWWW!
  if (%8Ball == 11) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 4Most likely.
  if (%8Ball == 12) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 12Probly not.. Sorry.
  if (%8Ball == 13) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 11Problably not dude.
  if (%8Ball == 14) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 1Guess not sucka!
  if (%8Ball == 15) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 10Say WUT!?
  if (%8Ball == 16) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 5Im sorry, you are the weakest link, good bye.
  if (%8Ball == 17) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 8I'll answer you if you give me five bucks.
  if (%8Ball == 18) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 9Definitely NOT.
  if (%8Ball == 19) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 2Doubtful..
  if (%8Ball == 20) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 4A question I don't even have an answer to...
  if (%8Ball == 21) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 12What kind of question is that?
  if (%8Ball == 22) .timer 1 2 msg $chan 9It's AWWWWWWRIGHT.
  if (%8Ball == 23) .timer 1 1 msg $chan Oh fuck, it fell. Try again.
}