(04:52:07 PM) me: i'll visit but i'd rather stay with renar it just feels like i'm out of place over there
(04:52:25 PM) kim: we make you feel out of palce?
(04:52:35 PM) me: not on purpose
(04:55:02 PM) me: i dunno, nevermind
(04:55:33 PM) me: it's just me being emo
(04:55:42 PM) me: sorry
(05:02:20 PM) kim: no no tell me
(05:02:54 PM) me: it's not something you're capable of fixing, it's just something that's been wrong with me since as far back as i can remember
(05:02:58 PM) me: i always do this
(05:03:10 PM) kim: well, then expain why you feel out of place
(05:03:31 PM) me: cause you guys are nice to me, and other people are nice to me
(05:03:36 PM) me: but i can't feel like i deserve it
(05:03:43 PM) me: eventually i just stop talking to whoevers nice to me
(05:03:46 PM) me: and move on to new friends
(05:03:53 PM) kim: so
(05:03:59 PM) me: it's not something i can get over
(05:04:04 PM) kim: you're gonna stop talking to me?
(05:04:23 PM) me: well not like just shut you out
(05:04:29 PM) me: but we'll talk less and less
(05:04:38 PM) me: until it's just like 'hey what have you been doing' and stuff
(05:04:49 PM) kim: oh
(05:05:15 PM) me: i just, i dunno
(05:05:36 PM) me: i like having friends but it just feels wrong
(05:05:57 PM) kim: well if you do don't worry about it, it's nothing new but I still enjoy having you as a freind
(05:06:58 PM) me: i shouldn't have told you, since it's not noticable to anyone else besides me
(05:07:31 PM) kim: well Imean if you stop talking to me then I won't know it's not çause you hate me at least...
(05:07:45 PM) kim: *then I'll know
(05:08:02 PM) kim: or think that I wasn't entertaining enough
(05:08:09 PM) me: just feels like you're too good for me
(05:08:25 PM) me: and i should just ween myself off before i get attached
(05:08:39 PM) kim: whaa noo
(05:08:48 PM) kim: I'm not too goood for you what are you saying?
(05:09:52 PM) me: you're really nice, determined, funny, energetic, contemplative, and you've heard it before
(05:10:03 PM) me: i just don't like being a burden
(05:11:43 PM) me: and i dunno
(05:12:16 PM) me: it just feels like i'm something extra nobody would miss
(05:12:27 PM) kim: no way man
(05:12:44 PM) kim: Cecile just said yesterday that you can come by anytime and she would love it
(05:13:37 PM) me: i guess i'm holding myself to a higher standard
(05:13:49 PM) me: but it's not doing me any good
(05:14:01 PM) me: and i can't just stop thinking of the kind of person i should be
(05:14:33 PM) kim: what higher standard?
(05:15:03 PM) me: basically, the opposite of my dad
(05:15:13 PM) me: if i act like that, i'll be happy
(05:15:59 PM) kim: but you're awesome now
(05:16:31 PM) me: how? i'm not doing anything for anyone
(05:16:41 PM) me: i can't even cheer you up
(05:16:51 PM) me: i can't even hold a decent conversation
(05:17:08 PM) me: i can't stop myself from saying stupid things or doing stupid things that make other people uncomfortable
(05:17:21 PM) kim: whaa
(05:17:23 PM) kim: like what?
(05:17:41 PM) kim: wait, are you saying this stuff çause of me?
(05:17:45 PM) me: no
(05:17:50 PM) me: it's just everyone in general
(05:17:54 PM) me: renar misael michi you
(05:18:07 PM) me: if i stopped going over, there wouldn't be any problems at all
(05:18:29 PM) me: but i like it too much so i can't even stop myself from taking up offers
(05:19:04 PM) kim: what doyou mean there wouldnt be any problems?
(05:19:08 PM) kim: what probalems have you caused?
(05:20:45 PM) me: you study less, you spend a lot of money on food cause of me, you waste your time making me feel comfortable, you pass up watching/talking to other people for me, i make misael uncomfortable by getting in his business, i make promises to renar that i don't keep cause i just don't have what it takes to get away from your place cause i like it way too much
(05:21:08 PM) me: and i unintentionally say stuff that makes people uncomfortable
(05:22:01 PM) kim: you do?
(05:22:19 PM) me: i upset you
(05:22:21 PM) me: misael
(05:22:23 PM) me: and renar
(05:22:30 PM) kim: whaa
(05:22:33 PM) kim: now way
(05:22:35 PM) kim: *no
(05:22:45 PM) kim: that one thing with me didn't even cound
(05:22:47 PM) kim: but them?
(05:22:49 PM) kim: when?
(05:23:01 PM) me: i can't tell you
(05:23:13 PM) me: cause i don't want to get on their bad sides worse
(05:23:15 PM) kim: you can't tell me when? not what not why
(05:23:24 PM) kim: whaa worse?!
(05:23:27 PM) kim: what the butt
(05:24:25 PM) me: i should just cut myself off
(05:24:37 PM) me: but i can't even do that
(05:25:13 PM) kim: what'going ooooooon
(05:26:11 PM) me: and now i confused you
(05:26:24 PM) me: i should learn to shut up
(05:26:33 PM) kim: nooooooo
(05:27:05 PM) me: now you're gonna worry about this
(05:27:48 PM) kim: You feel sad
(05:28:10 PM) me: if i never told you anything about me
(05:28:12 PM) me: we wouldn't be friends
(05:28:20 PM) me: but i was stupid and told you my sob stories
(05:28:43 PM) me: and now you actually care about me, when all that's gonna do is mess with you
(05:29:19 PM) kim: how is it gonna mess with me?
(05:29:25 PM) kim: you wish we didn't start talking?
(05:29:36 PM) me: yeah, you worry too much about your friends
(05:29:51 PM) me: if we weren't friends you'd be more cheerful
(05:30:05 PM) me: if it was just misael/michi/you every weekend, it'd be cheaper/better for you
(05:30:15 PM) me: and renar/misael would've had less stress
(05:30:44 PM) kim: hwo I dont understand how you stress them out
(05:31:17 PM) me: ask misael, and renar just cause i make promises and don't follow through with them
(05:31:30 PM) me: i'm supposedly his friend but i abandoned him
(05:31:39 PM) kim: he told you that?
(05:31:45 PM) me: no
(05:31:55 PM) me: he's like "it's fine i know you like it over there don't push yourself"
(05:32:16 PM) me: but i just feel like that
(05:32:47 PM) kim: Dont'le thim get to you
(05:33:59 PM) me: i'm really sorry i'm like this
(05:36:37 PM) kim: no, dont be
(05:37:13 PM) me: if i just shut up and took it, i wouldn't be doing what i'm trying to stop myself from doing