Something

Major spoilers, but if you are reading this, you probably gave up all hopes in reading Rakkyo in full detail. But anyways, this is the most intense scene in Rakkyo and read if you feel like it. I translated it in one sitting so eh.

Shiki vs. Lio "fight" from Contempation on Murder Pt. 2.

Basically, the last chapter, Contemplation on Murder Pt. 2, is about Shirazumi Lio, one of Araya's lackeys that he found too useless to sic on Shiki. He used to have a crush on Shiki, but when he asked her out, her response was "I'm not interested in weak guys." To prove that he is not weak, he decided to beat up some kid from an arcade. Luck kicks his ass and he ends up killing him, instead. Driven to panic, he finds how to dispose of the corpse... and he gets an idea: to eat the corpse.

According to Araya, Lio is one of those humans who have realized their "origin", something like telos. Lio's origin is "consumption". Ever since he is drafted by Araya, he drops out of high school (where he was in good standing with Mikiya) and goes to become a local drug lord. Recently he has heard about Shiki's activities and, in attempt to draw her out, he recreates "Shiki"'s murderous exploits from a few years ago (which is covered in Contemplation on Murder Pt. 1).

This is the climax of the chapter/novel, and the scene is Lio's farm, which is an abandoned dockyard warehouse which he turned into a greenhouse for his opium and marijuana. It also looks like a savannah or something. Shiki has been drugged, bound and left in the middle of this prairie, and Mikiya has been dragged in to have a little talk. In the end Mikiya pisses Lio off and, in anger, Lio cleaves down his face.

The concept of "murder" is a central topic of Rakkyo, after all. It distinguishes between simple slaughter and passionate murder. When you slaughter someone, you do not end someone's life; the victim merely met an unfortunate end. But if you "kill", you take the victim's life in place of your own, and you can no longer live as yourself. Shiki is a natural-born killer. Yet, she has never truly "killed" anyone.

...well, this wouldn't really make sense if you haven't read Contemplation on Murder Pt. 1 and Paradox Spiral.

----

/7

Ryougi Shiki was ghastly beautiful. Shirazumi Lio has forgotten to breath, lost in revering her shape. The handcuff holding her was no longer effective.

She did not unlock it. She cut it. Like a giant armband, the handcuff hung on Shiki's right wrist. The ring of the handcuff was completely unharmed--the only thing harmed was her left hand.

Shiki--to free herself from the cuff--gnawed off her left thumb from the root with her own mouth.

"...Hah, Hahah, hah!" Shirazumi Lio laughed, "...you are... the best. You are a complete killer!"

Even his laughter is getting on nerves. His neck is trembling, but he is still bluffing. Really, I am tired of listening to this crazy bitch's voice.

...I don't have the time for such.

"Let's start, Ryougi. Only you... can keep me myself."

Like an insect flying into an electric fire, it walks toward me. I don't even look at him.

"Find someone else. I'm not interested."

There's no helping it. I tell him myself.

It doesn't even realize what I've said. It just stops mid-pace and blinks.

"...what did you say?"

"I don't have the time to spend with something like you."

Yeah, I don't need some title such as "the Killer." He can have it if he wants. I realized that I have gained what I really needed a long time ago anyways. The hole in my heart, this hollow of my hole has been filled up. My killing impulse would forever stay with me, but I can certainly withhold it. "Shiki"'s bloodlust and Shiki's bloodlust are not the same. Had I not learned from that summer incident? I put my life on the line because I wanted to feel alive. But, now, that's becoming meaningless. Even though I don't feel the vividity of fight anymore, I'm slowly getting that again anyways.

I am no longer the old Ryougi Shiki. If I fail, that'd be it, but I can't blame it on bloodlust and be irresponsible.

No, I cannot. Not for the bastard filling up the hollow of my heart, nor for another "Shiki" who died for my happiness.

"You are lying, Shiki?"

"Well, then, good bye, Mr. Killer."

After saying goodbye, I walked away. With body pickled in narcotics and tattered left hand, I pass by Shirazumi Lio like a stranger on street.

It stood still. It breath wildly and glared at my back.

"...you... Even you would betray me."

Such mumblings diffuse in the rain. I was listening to the rain.

"I... I will not forgive that. I murdered for you and I came all the way here for you and you will leave me like this? Then, there is no Shirazumi Lio. You were the only one who will keep Shirazumi Lio here!"

I don't look back but decide to leave this prairie.

...until I hear his next words.

"So it is. Are you going back to Mikiya, Ryougi?"

Quietly.

With a rusty laughter, it says.

...my legs freeze.

"Then you don't need to leave. He's right here."

Stomach stirs.

My vision shakes and I almost fall.

I can no longer think.

...but, how?

How did I understand it from those words alone?

"Yo.....ou."

I cannot speak. I chose not to look back but I am already turning.

I had decided not to think about killing people, I had decided to just live on.

"It's your mistake, Ryougi. You were so hesitant.

"I. took. care. of. Mikiya. myself."

I cannot make out what he says. I can't hear. Something must be wrong with my ears.

"Right, this is your knife, isn't it? I'll give it back to you. I'm sorry I made a mess of it."

Clatter, and my knife falls to the floor. Its silver and sharp blade is dirtied in crimson blood. My knife... and someone's blood.

I know whose blood it is, so well... How could I be wrong? I have never forgotten the smell of his blood.

"...ahh. Dead now, you."

Mumbling, I walked forward. I had to pick up the knife rolling on the concrete floor.

"Yeah. I killed him so you'd become free...! See, Kokuto, he was so pretentious until the end. What'd he say? He said we are polar opposites! Laughable, see, we have so many things in common...!"

The sound of rain gets on my nerves.

I walk to where the knife lays and kneel on the concrete. The blood on the blade is still fresh... It would have been only minutes since this weapon bore blood.

...ahh. Somewhere so close, some time so soon.

I lost him.

"...Idiot. I told you to go to Touko's place. Idiot until death. That's so like you."

--I won't forgive you if you murder Shirazumi senpai, Shiki.

The man who bound me got killed by the beast he protected.

...why?

He was mine.

The only one allowed to take his life was me.

"...never."

I hold my knife. With both hands on the grip, I stand.

Head down, I hold the knife in my chest and stop. Looking down, I open my mouth.

"Good. Let's do it."

Without looking at my enemy's face, but while looking at the ground. Even though I raised my head there was no helping it.

Because, I haven't been able to see that beast's face for a while anyways.

"...you said you will never forgive me. We certainly have that in common, Shirazumi."

The beast... charges.

The battle of life and death can start later.

Not yet... I want to enjoy this.

Not until the short time the warmth remains in this blood/heart ends.

----

Lio's body spurs.

Even against a foe charging a beeline, she remains still.

Screech, and the beast's claw tears off the meat of her arm.

Even as blood flows and the enemy passes right by her, Shiki's head remains down.

Her both hands were affectionately embracing the knife.

Like a priceless treasure. Precious and precious.



The heats she remembers are fading away.

Like my body temperature, or the warmth of two bodies meeting.

Like the heart that I thought I had a little, or the heart he believed I had.

Blood flows and wounds are open. My body grows cold.

But, there is almost no pain.

Because I am feeling a pain so much greater than this.

...in cold rain, we were playing hide and seek over and over and over.



---Yeah. Only the frozen breath has the heat and our breathing seemed to fade off.



Crack, and another piece of flesh falls off.

The enemy seems to enjoy the scourging; he plays with me.

He dashes with an invisible speed, and when he passes by me, he cuts off a piece of me.

...the rain outside does not stop.

Even the silliest of things were, for me, something very enjoyable.


---When it rained, for example. When it rained so hard it looked like a fog, I listened to you whistling.


Third time, he claws at my leg.

Splash, and the concrete becomes wet.

The claw devoured all the way into my bones. The legs and the floor is dyed with blood and now standing itself is a pain.

...yeah. Just standing alone drives my breath away.

But, I believe there were times we laughed together.

"Shiki" liked you, after all.


---In sunset, for example. In the classroom that looked like it was burning up, you and I talked together.


The enemy's abilities has improved beyond compaare. Speed, accuracy, he has surpassed any beast now.

Compared to that, I am pathetic. With a frozen heart, my body will be useless anytime soon.

Despite that, I am happy about this, so there is no helping it.

My arm still moves, so at the next wave, I will kill him.


---Because you were there, just being able to laugh made me happy.


Fourth charge. He dashes.

He aims at the left arm.

But despite my awareness, I do not move.

...because you shouldn't kill people.


---Because you were there, just walking around made me happy.


The bloodloss blurs my mind.

My body is about to fall anytime now.

Even then, I am keeping up to his demands.

...I can't kill Shirazumi Lio.

Even though he has died, his words live within me.

...Because I want to keep that warmth within me.


---That really short moment. I stopped by because I thought that sunlight through the leaves would be warm.


But, I'm happy.

You who made me normal.

I am so happy that you seriuosly told me not to kill people.

I never said it,

but, to my eyes, you were beautiful like a miracle.


---Sometime, you laughed saying that you can stay somewhere forever.


The fifth claw charges at me.

That is, without a doubt, my end.

The enemy will try to gouge at my throat.

With this much bloodloss, a slash at the artery is all that is necessary to kill me.


---I always wanted to say this something to someone.


Death approaches.

Looking back, I have nothing but enjoyable memories. Involuntarily I end up smiling.

Only a year of past, and only half a year of now.

Time flies by too fast and it's impossible to catch up. But, I am thankful. I was unbelievably happy.

Boring high school days without change.

Living alone through empty and mundane days.


---The days with you... were like dreams.


Thank you, but, I'm sorry.

...I raise my face and gaze at his death.

I know this will be the end.

What you believed in. I who you said you liked.

I knew it, but I chose to kill him.

Even though this will destroy all that is I, even though nothing will stand by anymore.

But.... But I... I cannot forgive someone who killed you.


---She sees the enemy dashing at her. This is too simple.
---Like a bird ascending from water, the last moment was really just a moment.

----

The end was insipid.

She cut off Lio's arm reaching toward her throat. She proceeded to sever both of his legs in a swipe and thrusted her knife in Lio's body, hanging in the air like a balloon. Then, he was mercilessly thrown onto the floor. The knife protruded his heart like a tombstone.

A gasp, and Lio died.

His face was frozen in utter surprise. It happened so quickly; without even realizing that he has died, his body came to a halt.

----

The knife stands on Lio's chest like a tombstone. Shiki, holding the knife with both hands, kneels in front of Lio's body motionlessly.

The light through the window is a slant sunlight seeping into the warehouse. In this gray-lighted scenery, like a priest sending off a dead soul, there is no color.

Shirazumi Lio's corpse does not bleed. All of the vivid crimsonness in the warehouse is from her own body. With arm, leg and body torn apart, her life will not hold out for no more than a few minutes.

...no, Ryougi Shiki would cut her life force to a fraction, get help and heal back to health.

But the girl does not do that.

Shiki lets the knife go and collapses on her back. Ahh, and a breath escapes her lips. Her breaths grow long and she cut off nerves around her wounds. If she rests like this, she could gather up the strength to call for help.

"...but, that's all right."

She mumbles and looks up to the sky. Over the window is the usual view; rain. In the season of winter, under a sky like this, you end up dirtying your hands.

...I can't go back home like this. So muddy, I'll be yelled at.

"Though, I waited for you."

...You walked with me.
...Holding my dirty hands, you walked my way back home.
...There were such dreamlike days.

"Ah. Really, dreamlike."

Breathing becomes difficulty. Consciousness flutters like a candlelight. Life withers like a hazen, and it is very beautiful.

Shiki gathers her breath. Not to survive, but to fall asleep. The eyes looking at the sky were crying.

...I decided. The only time I cry will be the time that bastard dies.

The eyelids close, and the breathing is peaceful again.

There isn't much regret. Just silent thoughts.

...If Mikiya is not there, there isn't a meaning in living on. As an animal who has learned the warmth of a fire does not leave, I cannot return to my hollow anymore.




















Contemplation on Murder / 7



















...the world severs.

That's what I thought at first. Cough, and my throat vomits the content in the stomach again. It's a body's recovery routine, trying to survive, after regaining consciousness from a crash.

I raised my torso with an arm. I cannot move my legs. Somehow, I crawl to a wall, and I stand up with a hand on that wall.

My vision returns... barely. All I can see is edges. The world has been blurred out and it's hard to make out anything.

"...it hurts."

I don't know where it hurts, but it hurts nonetheless.

I raise my hand to my left eye. It doesn't bleed much anymore. Did Shirazumi Lio's drug have some kind of metabolic properties? Most of the wound has been sealed with scab, so blood loss wasn't threatening my life anymore.

But the wound itself had not gotten any better... Well, of course. A knife cut through from my forehead to my chick, cleaving my left eye. Not only is being alive a great fortune but the fact that my right eye did not break down along with my left eye is too. Well, if I hoped that my left eye was ok, the heaven would punish me.

Anyways, leaning onto the wall, I walk toward the warehouse.

...The warehouse is lush with grass and it's hard to see through anything. Pain, bleeding, and drugs all focus my mind into a single task.

"...Shi...ki..."

I walk forward. The warehouse is vast and the grass gets in my way, so I can't find her. Each step caused the pain to threaten my consciousness. I faint after a step, but I wake up. Then I make another step.

What am I doing this for? With this ragged body I'm not sure if it's alive or not.

"......"

Creak, and my legs gave out. I fall to the floor, but the floor is made of soft dirt. The wound doesn't open any wider.

I can't use my knees anymore, so I decide to crawl.

But the warehouse is too big. I can't find Shiki. The left eye is hot and the right eye is blind, so there is no helping it.

...Let's rest for a moment. I'm not sure if Shiki is here. A pointless labor might bring me closer to my death.

Even such rational rhetoric does not stop my advance.

"Why... is it?"

Of course, because I want to see Shiki. But, what if I find her after she fought Lio? What should I do?

---I won't forgive you if you kill Shirazumi senpai, Shiki.

I said those words.

...yeah, I will not forgive. I can forgive everything but murder. I don't care if someone else killed someone. I just wanted Shiki not to kill anybody.

Because I like you.

Because I am loving you.

Because I want you to be happy.

I just wanted you not to be hurt anymore.

...what a stubborn demand.

Even if it is Shiki, I hate killers. I just wanted to believe, because if she kills someone, I won't be able to forgive Shiki.

"If you kill senpai.... I won't forgive you."

As if sleeptalking, I advance forward mumbling. Through the grass, I find an empty circle.

Concrete floor. A hall bathed in sunlight.

Shiki was there. By her, Shirazumi Lio's body. Neither of the two look alive.

"..."

You killed him, Shiki.

Regret fills my chest. But, that's something else. Nothing but Shiki comes to my mind right now.

She... looks very comfortable. Her body is covered in wounds and blood. Her face is pale, and there is nothing like heat coming from her body. Yet, her breathing has not stopped.

...Ah, you are alive.

I breath a sigh of relief and ask for Lio's forgiveness. He was really dead. Regardless of the circumstance, it was Shiki who killed him.

This is your downfall. You were the victim, so you have the right to be mourned for. But... though... I am happy Shiki is alive. Senpai, I don't think I pity you.

I even loathe you. Because... Because of you, Shiki is now---

That moment, a white finger touches my face.

Slender fingers brush my chick. It was her fingers that grazed by my face.

"Crying, Kokuto?"

With such weak eyes, Shiki said. She caressed Kokuto Mikiya's face without an eye, with a dull consciousness. Perhaps, the stream of blood looked like tears to her.

She can't raise her body. I can't even embrace her.

As the rain falls over us, only our frozen breath has the heat and our breathing seem to fade off---

"I... killed Shirazumi," Shiki said.

"Yeah, I know," I nodded.

Shiki glanced at Shirazumi Lio's corpse, and then blankly stared at the sky.

"I... lost a lot of things this time."

It was a despondent and sorrowful voice.

What she lost.

It could be what she thought was important, or her selfhood until then, or perhaps it is something about me. But most of all... She can't take her life anymore.

She cannot take the burden of this sin.

As her grandfather told her, she who observed this tenant will die a loner like her grandfather. A lonely and empty funeral.

"...but that doesn't matter. I told you, I'll take the burden for you."

Red blood falls on Shiki's chick. The drop of water trailing from her left eye looked definitely like a teardrop.

...yeah, near the summer's end, the first time you laughed, I swore to you. I will carry your sin for you. So---


---I will kill you.


So you will never be alone until you die... When you die.

"But... I'm a killer."

Shiki speaks with blank, heartless voice. Like a child about to cry, feeling as if she has lost everything in the world and blaming herself.

She knows.

It is a sin that cannot be washed away and a guilt that cannot be forgotten.

...I cannot forgive it myself. For anybody, it is impossible to forgive this.

"...I told you that nobody should kill. But you killed anyways. You are an idiot. I'm filled with anger from head to toe. I'm angry, so crying won't get you out of trouble this time."
"...what? Crying isn't going to work this time?"
"Yes. It won't be easy this time."

I try to joke it off.

Though, if that will comfort Shiki's heart, then I'll take any insult there is in the world.

Shiki slightly, really slighty smiles, and silently she closes her eyes. There is the serenity before sleep.

...orange tear falls on her chick.

With two paralyzed arms, I embrace her, covered in cuts and lacerations. Even if nobody can forgive you, even if you cannot forgive yourself, I will stand by you.

Strongly, as if this was going to kill us both, I strongly embraced her. And right before my consciousness gave in, I swore my last oath.

"Shiki. I will... never leave/forgive you"

The sound of battering rain wipe away my words.

The only thing that remains for certain... are her fragile fingers and two people pulling into each other.