Mine

ON *:TEXT:*:*:{ inc %t | inc %l $len($1-) | inc %w $0 } 
ON *:ACTION:*:*:{ inc %d | inc %l $len($1-) | inc %w $0 } 
ON *:NOTICE:*:{ inc %n | inc %l $len($1-) | inc %w $0 | inc %ll } 
ON *:SNOTICE:*:{ inc %n | inc %l $len($1-) | inc %w $0 | inc %ll } 
ON *:BAN:#:{ inc %b | inc %l $len($1-) | inc %w $0 | inc %ll } 
ON *:UNBAN:#:{ inc %b | inc %l $len($1-) | inc %w $0 | inc %ll } 
ON *:KICK:#:{ inc %kc | inc %l $len($1-) | inc %w $0 | inc %ll } 
ON *:JOIN:#:{ inc %j | inc %ll } 
ON *:PART:#:{ inc %ll | inc %p | inc %1 $len($1-) | inc %w $0 } 
ON *:NICK:{ inc %nc | inc %ll | inc %l $len($neawnick) } 
ON *:QUIT:{ inc %ll | inc %q | inc %l $len($1-) | inc %w $0 } 
Alias infoshit { 
  $iif($isid,return,say) $& 
    I've seen9 $bytes(%t,b) 10Messages $chr(183) $+  9 $bytes(%d,b) 10Actions $chr(183) $+  9 $bytes(%n,b) 10Notices $chr(183) $& 
    $+ 9 $bytes(%b,b) 10(Un)Bans $chr(183) $+ 9 $bytes(%kc,b) 10Kicks $chr(183) $+  9 $bytes(%j,b) 10Joins $chr(183) $+  $& 
    9 $bytes(%p,b) 10Parts $chr(183) $+  9 $bytes(%nc,b) 10Nick Changes $chr(183) $+  9 $bytes(%q,b) 10Quits  $chr(183) $& 
    $+  9 $bytes(%l,b) 10Total Letters $chr(183) $+ 9 $bytes(%w,b) 10Total Words $chr(183) $+  9 $bytes(%ll,b) 10Total Lines 
}