FACADE STAGEPLAY
Fri Nov 30 20 12 54 2007
GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?
(Al knocks on the front door.)
(Al knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
What, Grace... -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Uhp, he's here!
GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!
GRACE
Trip...!
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
Al!!
AL
8--------------------D
TRIP
Hey! God it's been so long since we've seen you! -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Uh...
TRIP
Well come on in... -- (interrupted)
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
AL
HI I'M AL
GRACE
Al,
GRACE
Hi! How are you? God it's been a while!
AL
SHORT FOR ALAN LOL
GRACE
Aw, H-mmm (happy smile sound)
GRACE
By the way, you look wonderful!
GRACE
So come on in, make yourself at home!
AL
OMG SUPAH THANKS SEXY
GRACE
(clears throat) Well, Al, ha ha, that's kind of a bold way to say hello... uh...
TRIP
Al, let me get you a drink.
AL
:D 8----------D
PHONE
** RING **
(Trip closes the front door.)
TRIP
Oh, I'll get it --
GRACE
No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up. -- (interrupted)
PHONE
** RING **
(AL picks up the phone.)
PHONE
Grace? Hello?
GRACE
Al, no! Please don't do that.
PHONE
Who is this? Grace is that you?
GRACE
Uhh, it's my dad, I can hear his voice.
AL
Hey mr Snuggles
PHONE
I don't recognize your voice...
(AL puts down the phone.)
TRIP
Oh!
GRACE
Oh, good, you hung up. I can call him back later, or in a few days, heh.
AL
YO YO YO WASSUP
GRACE
What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine... -- (interrupted)
(AL kisses grace.)
TRIP
(nervous coughing)
GRACE
uh...
AL
:D
TRIP
whoa, that was, uh...
GRACE
(nervous coughing)
TRIP
wha...
GRACE
ha ha...
TRIP
ha ha, heh...
GRACE
ha ha ha ha ha!!
TRIP
ha ha ha!
TRIP
Ha ha ha, heh, Al, -- (interrupted)
AL
Oops, wrong person
(AL kisses trip.)
TRIP
we...
AL
THERE WE GOO WOOOOOOOO
GRACE
I -- I'm not...
GRACE
He just...
TRIP
You...
GRACE
uh...
AL
LETS HAVE DRINKS
GRACE
He just...
TRIP
Before we forget... um...
AL
LETS HAVE DRINKS
TRIP
We've got to ask the...
GRACE
Yeah, yeah...
TRIP
the... our... uh, tax attorney...
AL
GODDAMN I WANT DRINKS
GRACE
explain that it won't happen again...
TRIP
Oh good idea, yeah, yeah...
AL
DRINKS DRINKS
TRIP
(long release sigh)
AL
DRINKS
TRIP
yeah...
AL
DRINKS
TRIP
Al, let me get you a drink.
TRIP
Ah, you'll be the first to sample from my new set of imported drinking glasses. -- (interrupted)
AL
YOU ARE ALL D- Oh.
TRIP
Uh -- well, we should drink.
TRIP
What would you like?
TRIP
I've got the perfect bottle of cabernet I've been saving for just such an occasion.
TRIP
We went wine tasting last year in the Napa with Grace's parents and discovered this stuff, it's exquisite.
GRACE
Now Trip don't -- (interrupted)
AL
LETS HAVE SCREAMING ORGASM
TRIP
Ha ha! Oh I think we're going to need some drinks first if we're going to talk about sex.
AL
...
GRACE
Trip, come on, that's -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Uh, well, I'm just going to pour you a glass of this wine.
GRACE
No no,
GRACE
Al, how about something simple, like a nice glass of chardonnay?
AL
I WANT A DRINK OF S. O.
TRIP
You know what why I don't I just open a bottle of merlot and make it easy.
AL
SCREAMING ORGASM
GRACE
Hey, uh --
(AL picks up the advice ball.)
GRACE
did you --
(AL puts down the advice ball.)
GRACE
did you pick up my dry cleaning?
TRIP
What? Dry cleaning? -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Yes, did you pick up my dry cleaning this morning, like I asked you to?
TRIP
Yeah.
GRACE
Okay, good, I just thought of that, that's good, I -- I just wanted to make sure.
GRACE
So anyway,
AL
Yo, I brought the cucumbers.
TRIP
Uh, well, merlot will be fine, that's fine...
TRIP
Grace, what can I get you to drink tonight? Surprise me. -- (interrupted)
AL
And the lubricant.
TRIP
Well, I was just going to ask Grace what she wants.
AL
ANAL LUBRIcANT :D
GRACE
Um, I'd like a simple glass of Chardonnay, thank you. -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Yeah, yeah, I, heh -- I know what you want, Grace.
GRACE
Huh, you two really are getting along well tonight, heh...
AL
:D :D :D :D :D
TRIP
Oh, Al, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.
GRACE
Might like it? It's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course he'll like -- (interrupted)
AL
WOAH I'M INSIDE GRACES HEAD
TRIP
Alright Grace, your drink is ready.
GRACE
Thanks.
(AL picks up a Grace's drink.)
AL
GIMME THAT
(AL puts down a Grace's drink.)
(AL picks up a Grace's drink.)
TRIP
(little sigh) (clears throat)
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
(AL puts down a Grace's drink.)
GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.
(AL picks up a Grace's drink.)
TRIP
Um... now,, Al, what does this picture make you think of?
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
GRACE
Think of? Ha ha. That's easy.
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
AL
YO MOMMA
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
TRIP
No, I just want one word...
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
GRACE
One word... one word... wow, that's going to have to be some amazing word... -- (interrupted)
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
AL
MOMMA
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
TRIP
Romance! It says... romance...!
(AL sips his Grace's drink.)
GRACE
Romance! Oh, romance! That was tricky! Good one, Trip. -- (interrupted)
AL
NO IT DOESNT
(AL puts down a Grace's drink.)
GRACE
Oh, please, no more talk about the Italy trip tonight, if you don't mind...
TRIP
Actually I... uh... I took this picture on my own... Grace was too tired to leave the hotel room... heh... -- (interrupted)
AL
TRIP YOU'RE UGLY
TRIP
Okay, Al, I think this evening is over, you've got to leave.
AL
NOT TO UGLY FOR PASHING
AL
OH WAIT
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
We'll be fine -- just go.
(Trip closes the front door.)
AL
STOP, ALAN IS HORNY
AL
;-;