*** counselling session is now on ***
hi
hello?
hello :-)
hi my name is sasha :)
um, ive talked to kidshelpline before
my name is trevor :-) have u used the service before ?
yup, not the internet one, but the phone one
about 6 months ago
ok and did u want to speak to a specific counsellor ?
no, not particularly, you're fine
i just wanted to ask about a problem ive been having
im not entirely depressed at the moment: i was at one stage, but i found a way out of it
ok tell me whats been happening ?
okay, basically, its like this
when i go to bed, at say... 10pm
yes
after ive been lying in bed for like a minute, i start to like... talk to myself
its really weird
so like, im lying staring at the ceiling or whatever
and i just have like, a dream, sorta
not like a dream but like... okay yeah a dream
and i act out what i would say: so, id say my conversation, use my hands and it feels like im really there
and it used to happen like not so often, but now its like every night
and its bad because
when i do it, it feels so real that like
i cant tell when im not doing it
so like my friends will be like 'How was ur weekend sasha"
and ill be like 'iVE TOLD YOU"
and theyre like 'um no you havent'
because i remember telling them... but i didnt, i was dreaming kinda
and i havent told my parents and i dont want to because they wont believe me, i dont think
so i was hoping, cuz im 16 now, to maybe get medication or whathaveyou on my own
so yeah thats about it
ok just give me a tic to to make sure i have read everything
okay thank you so much trevor :-)
Sasha it sounds like u r concerned because of this dreamlike state and its effect on u. That u r wanting to get some sort of treatment for this
yes i suppose... but i dont know if i need some, or if theres another way to stop it from happening
yeah perhaps by talking to me we can get some sort of idea of whats happening
that would be excellent
ok can u tell me more about the dream state that u experience ?
hmm alright... well, lets say i go to bed at 10pm
so i brush my teeth, etc, all fine
i get into bed and lie down and like stare at the ceiling
and then ill have a dream... i dont know how it starts, my eyes are still open but like, i start talking to someone
usually its someone from school, or a psychiatrist, or one of my parents... once it was a cartoon character haha
and then ill say my 'part', like, in the dream, like i am really there
and ill use my hands and everything as if i was really talking to them
and then what usually happens is, after about half an hour or so (i dont know exactly how long)
ill realise what im doing, and stop
and then close my eyes and ha ve a normal dream and fall asleep
hmm what else...
oh yes!
what happens now sometimes is
ill do the dreamlike thing, but not while im lying in bed
like, for example, i woke up on monday morning and went to brush my teeth
and looked in the mirror and before i brushed my teeth i started talking
and i was like having a full conversation with... i think it was a girl from school
and my sister walked in and shes like 'who are you talking to'
and im like 'im singing... heeehee'
but it feels so real sometimes
and the problem is, when i like, remember those dreams
it feels the same, i think, as when i remember something real
so i have all these memories of me talking to people, and i dont know if half are even real or what
like, sometimes its easy to tell, if its really unlikely then usually its not real
but sometimes its really hard to tell and i get myself into trouble because i confuse them
like, today at school, theres this girl called jess
and shes been my friend since year 7, shes sooo nice
and she goes 'so sasha, have u studied' (we have an exam)
and i was like 'come ON jess ive told you so many times, no i have NOT studied will you stop rubbing it in!?'
and shes like 'woah sasha ive never asked you before'
and i had to apologise and i felt really bad and it was really awkward
um... i spoke to a friend of mine about it, he has social anxiety and knows a lot about psychiatry and stuff, and he said i might have some sort of social anxiety, ill quote what he said
"Okay, well I practice convos like that but just in my head, I'm pretty sure it's normal but you seem to have gone to an extreme end of it, and I can prolly tell you why. Don't be insulted, but you seem to be the type thats obsessed (almost pathologically) with succeeding at most things you do, so this is a result of you (either subconciously or otherwise) being so anxious about screwing up in a convo that you've started to rehearse the conversations out loud and in private to a point where it's almost a visual/audio hallucination, which is probably a form of Social Anxiety (not like I have it, thought) or maybe General Anxiety Disorder."
it is probably best that u speak to soemone face-to-face about this . Do u have a school counsellor or a doctor that u would feel comfortable talking to ?
not really no
well i dont really feel comfortable talking to anyone about this
ive only told one person so far... you are my second person, and its hard even typing it to you
ok its just that it would be good to have someone assess the situation. This would mean that you would be able to know what may be happening.
okay... do you not know whats wrong?
it would be too difficult to diagnose via the web. however it does sound like u r concerned about what is happening
and that u should tell a health professional about it
who can i go to?
i really, really dont want my parents to know
thats ok cause u can talk to a doctor and it is only for the two of u to know
really?
what kind of doctors would do that?
do u have a school counsellor ?
umm not really w
well we do
but like, shes more for year 12s
it would be too weird to see her every day after i told her something like that
shes also my teacher
u could tell your gp
well, i go to school a long way away from where i live
how far ?
so like, one day after school, maybe i could visit a doctor near there
and tell my parents i went shopping or something
about 1hr drive
how do u feel about doing that ?
i dont know... um, i suppose it would be okay, my only concerns would be a) cost, b) booking an appointment and c) finally talking to the doctor, i dont even know if they would take me, im only 16
wouldnt they need a medicare card or like a parent to sign or something?
i am just going to look up some other services u could talk to
thanks so much trevor!
if it helps, i go to school in bondi
so anywhere in bondi/near bondi beach would be best