TALES FROM TEAM FORTRESS 2...
VOLUME 1
BASED ON TRUE STORIES
A MOVIE BY XANATOS
CAST:
Heavy - Wolfer
Engineer - Mrsentual
Engineer 2 - Wolfer
Scout - Boris
Spy - HKSniper
INTRODUCTION SEQUENCE. MUSIC: PEREZ PRADO - MAMBO NO. 8
*
A Heavy is moving forward, guns blazing with a medic healing him from behind. An enemy comes from behind and backstabs the medic, and then disguising himself as a medic. The second he completes his disguise, the heavy turns around to say something.
Heavy: "WHY'D YOU STOP HEALING ME?"
The spy pulls out a weapon.
Heavy: "AW CRAP!"
The spy kills the heavy.
*
Heavy: "I don't know about you, but I can't trust anybody on my team. The number of times i've been killed by spies is ridiculous, so I never take any chances."
*
The heavy has a friendly engineer cornered in an intelligence room on 2fort. There are various contraptions around the room. The heavy is shooting the teammate engineer.
Engineer: "QUIT SHOOTING ME!"
Heavy: "Are you a spy."
Engineer: "NO! I'M TALKING TO YOU HERE, LOOK!"
Heavy: "I can't trust you." (OR) "How am I supposed to know?"
An enemy spy enters the room disguised as an engineer. He proceeds to sap the contraptions around the room.
Engineer: "Look, there's a spy right there! He's sapping all our stuff!"
Heavy: "You just want me to turn around so you can stab me in the back."
The spy takes the breifcase and runs, getting shot at by the engineer but to no avail.
Engineer: "NO DAMMIT he's right there, he has the breifcase!"
Heavy: "I'm not movin."
*
Engineer: "Man, the people who play this game are ridiculous! I've been playing since the beta right, so I know what's what, but nobody ever listens to me. If they did nobody would ever get our intelligence on 2fort."
*
Two engineers are arguing over sentry and teleporter placement.
Engineer: "No you're supposed to put it over here."
Engineer 2: "What difference does it make. Why?"
A scout runs past the defense
Scout: "Hi!"
Engineer: "THAT'S WHY."
Announcing voice "THE ENEMY HAS TAKEN OUR INTELLIGENCE"
Engineer 2: "The enemy took our intelligence? Uh oh, we got stupider."
*
Engineer: "You know what else pisses me off? The beginning of the round on gravelpit when you're on the attacking side. There was this one time..."
*
Everyone on the blue side of cp_gravelpit are all doing taunts, rocketjumping, making a lot of noise, the Engineer is the only one at the door. The red team, on the other hand, is making a very serious advance and builds a hefty defense while everyone else takes positions. Done in the style of the Pubmasters "AFK" sequence. The timer hits zero, and only the engineer runs out. Everyone else is oblivious to it and continues the bedlam. The engineer starts to build a sentry at an entrance and is overrun by the entire red team while the rest of the blue team continues to sit at spawn.
*
Engineer: "And nobody followed me! Why am I always stuck on the shit team!?!?!" "
*
Engineer: "You guys suck."
The bedlam still continues.
*
Engineer: "So eventually the server changed maps back to 2fort, and then everyone on my team decided to change their class to Engineer for some reason and we all went down to our intelligence point."
*
From the opposite (red) team's perspective...
Scout: "Ok guys I'm going for the flag..."
He peeks out into the red case room and is greeted with 10 sentries all opening fire on him
Scout: "...HOLY SHIT! I NEED BACKUP."
In the meantime, more engineers from the same team are building sentries from the way he came in, thus blocking in the scout.
Scout: "I'm outa here!"
The scout runs back the way he came to be met by two newly built sentries and is shot by them.
Scout: "What the hell!"
*
Scout: "Our team wasn't incompetent, and in no time we had a strategy to fight off the engineer spam."
*
The red base. Everyone are spies. They disguise themselves as blue engineers and run for the enemy sewers. They regroup inside. Suddenly, a red engineer appears from the blue base's sewer entry.
Spy: "Aren't you guys supposed to be at the flag? UH OH."
The spies all gut the enemy spy and move on to their flag. The engineer disguised team infiltrates the engineer encampment, running from each sentry to the next, sapping everything. Chaos and fighting ensues. One engineer is seen in the middle of the chaos, just looking around, yelling and laughing maniacally.
THE END OF VOLUME 1