Mine

on *:SOCKLISTEN:i:sockaccept ircd
on *:SOCKREAD:ircd:{
  var %read
  sockread %read
  tokenize 32 %read
  if ($1 === NICK) %ircd.nick = $2
  if ($1 === USER) {
    %ircd.ident = $2
    %ircd.real = $mid($5-,2)
    ssw NOTICE AUTH :*** Looking up your hostname...
    dns $sock(ircd).ip
  }
}
on *:DNS:{
  ssw NOTICE AUTH :*** Found your hostname
  ssw 001 %ircd.nick :Welcome to the NubNet IRC Network $+(%ircd.nick,!,%ircd.ident,@,$dns(1).addr)
  ssw 002 %ircd.nick :Your host is irc.nub.net, running version mIRCd1.0
  ssw 003 %ircd.nick :This server was created... not very long ago.
  ssw 004 %ircd.nick irc.nub.net mIRCd1.0 iowghraAsORTVSxNCWqBzvdHtGpfF lvhopsmntikrRcaqOALQbSeIKVfMCuzNTGj
  ssw 005 %ircd.nick CMDS=KNOCK,MAP,DCCALLOW,USERIP NAMESX SAFELIST HCN MAXCHANNELS=30 CHANLIMIT=#:30 MAXLIST=b:100,e:100,I:100 NICKLEN=30 CHANNELLEN=32 TOPICLEN=307 KICKLEN=307 AWAYLEN=307 MAXTARGETS=20 :are supported by this server
  ssw 005 %ircd.nick WALLCHOPS WATCH=128 SILENCE=10 MODES=12 CHANTYPES=# PREFIX=(ohv)@%+ CHANMODES=beIqa,kfL,lj,psmntirRcOAQKVCuzNSMTGHFE NETWORK=NubNet CASEMAPPING=ascii EXTBAN=~,cqnr ELIST=MNUCT STATUSMSG=@%+ EXCEPTS :are supported by this server
  ssw 005 %ircd.nick INVEX :are supported by this server
  ssw 251 %ircd.nick :There are 1000000 users and 1 invisible on 1 servers
  ssw 252 %ircd.nick 0 :operator(s) online
  ssw 253 %ircd.nick 1 :unknown connection(s)
  ssw 254 %ircd.nick 1000000 :channels formed
  ssw 255 %ircd.nick :I have 1000000 clients and 1 servers
  ssw 265 %ircd.nick :Current Local Users: 1000000  Max: 1000001
  ssw 266 %ircd.nick :Current Global Users: 1000000  Max: 1000001
  ssw 375 %ircd.nick :- irc.nub.net Message of the Day -
  ssw 372 %ircd.nick :- u r gey
  ssw 376 %ircd.nick :End of /MOTD command.
}
alias ssw sockwrite -nt ircd :irc.nub.net $1-