(10:05:15) yarrliz: not someone to play with then go back to your puter and meditate
(10:05:27) yarrliz: and when I needed you
(10:05:32) yarrliz: you were not there
(10:06:00) yarrliz: I am sorry I was over clingy
(10:06:07) yarrliz: and embaressed you with your freinds
(10:06:11) yarrliz: and cheated on you
(10:06:43) chillmaster: its ok girl :)
(10:06:48) chillmaster: im really so glad your better now
(10:06:54) chillmaster: I was really worriedabout you when you called me that night
(10:07:01) yarrliz: I am not better, I am getting better
(10:07:04) chillmaster: no
(10:07:06) chillmaster: getting better
(10:07:08) chillmaster: is better
(10:07:09) yarrliz: recovery is a life long process
(10:07:14) chillmaster: see
(10:07:17) yarrliz: I am an addict
(10:07:21) chillmaster: this is one thing I could never teach you
(10:07:23) yarrliz: I have a very addictive personality
(10:07:28) chillmaster: you keep telling yourself you cant
(10:07:31) chillmaster: you CAN girl
(10:07:33) chillmaster: you CAN
(10:07:49) chillmaster: I bet your counselor doesnt tell you that
(10:08:04) chillmaster: I bet your counselor told you, that you were an addict
(10:08:22) yarrliz: not really
(10:08:31) yarrliz: something I came to on my own
(10:08:36) chillmaster: well either way
(10:08:38) chillmaster: you ARE better
(10:08:39) yarrliz: I needed tobe high
(10:08:41) yarrliz: to run from life
(10:08:46) chillmaster: being high is life
(10:08:49) chillmaster: no one can run from life
(10:08:51) chillmaster: even in death
(10:08:57) yarrliz: I did not want to be high, I needed to be
(10:09:11) yarrliz: my mom and dad are head cases
(10:09:17) chillmaster: haha
(10:09:18) yarrliz: and I need to avoid following them
(10:09:23) chillmaster: well
(10:09:26) yarrliz: I was becmoing my mom
(10:09:31) yarrliz: miserable, pot addicted
(10:09:32) chillmaster: you have a guy willing to take care of you
(10:09:43) chillmaster: but you must be able to take care of yourself too
(10:09:50) yarrliz: same thing he says
(10:09:52) chillmaster: and I think you can
(10:09:58) yarrliz: when I ask him how to do stuff
(10:10:03) yarrliz: he just tells me to go figure it out
(10:10:19) chillmaster: sounds like a smart guy
(10:10:24) chillmaster: im really happy for you
(10:10:25) yarrliz: tells me a he knows I can do it
(10:10:31) yarrliz: and sets me to figure it out
(10:10:38) yarrliz: and when I do figure out, I feel great
(10:10:41) yarrliz: then he buys me roses
(10:10:50) chillmaster: hehe
(10:10:59) chillmaster: well
(10:11:03) chillmaster: can you believe me?
(10:11:07) chillmaster: believe that I cared
(10:11:09) chillmaster: that I worried
(10:11:13) chillmaster: and tried
(10:11:15) yarrliz: I believe it
(10:11:19) chillmaster: good :)
(10:11:22) chillmaster: that means a lot to me
(10:11:22) yarrliz: I just thinkyou ditched me when it got hard
(10:11:34) chillmaster: its possible
(10:11:38) chillmaster: but it doesnt matter now
(10:11:44) chillmaster: because it was for the better eh?
(10:11:48) chillmaster: dont you think?
(10:12:02) yarrliz: seems so but does not mean it did not tear my heart out then
(10:12:20) chillmaster: I never meant to do that, but you gotta let it go
(10:12:26) chillmaster: let it go
(10:12:28) yarrliz: I can now
(10:12:30) chillmaster: you know i meant for the best
(10:12:38) chillmaster: and now you are better off
(10:12:41) chillmaster: so hold your head high
(10:12:56) yarrliz: I have said my peace
(10:13:01) chillmaster: im glad
(10:13:06) chillmaster: any other guy would have fought you
(10:13:08) yarrliz: you were the last one
(10:13:15) chillmaster: I took your abuse like a champ
(10:13:19) chillmaster: and im glad we both came out on top
(10:13:23) yarrliz: aside from the guy who raped me when I was 12
(10:13:29) chillmaster: no no no
(10:13:33) chillmaster: dont even go there
(10:13:37) yarrliz: yes, the rest just called me a sock whore
(10:13:42) yarrliz: sick
(10:13:44) chillmaster: dont let him hold you back from letting go and moving on
(10:13:57) chillmaster: he doesnt exist girl
(10:13:59) chillmaster: only in your mind
(10:14:02) chillmaster: only in your memories
(10:14:02) yarrliz: dont worry, Dennis already found hiim for me
(10:14:08) chillmaster: uhg
(10:14:10) chillmaster: why
(10:14:10) yarrliz: I plan to send him a letter
(10:14:17) yarrliz: and be doone with that too
(10:14:18) chillmaster: that just makes it worse
(10:14:23) chillmaster: your going to prosecute huh
(10:14:29) yarrliz: nah, he was 12
(10:14:33) chillmaster: oh
(10:14:36) chillmaster: ok
(10:14:41) chillmaster: yeah
(10:14:42) yarrliz: 14 actually
(10:14:48) yarrliz: but I do want hiom to know what he did to me
(10:14:51) yarrliz: and I feel now
(10:14:55) chillmaster: ive learned its best to let that stuff go
(10:15:12) chillmaster: it only exists in your mind, you should only have to face it in your mind
(10:15:17) chillmaster: you need to face that feeling
(10:15:20) chillmaster: and pass through it
(10:15:26) yarrliz: I have faced it.
(10:15:31) yarrliz: and the letter is the closure I need