;----- Author -----------------------------------------
;
; Script: e-Penis (Alternate Uptime) - v1.04
;
; By : Alcohol (#script - irc.gamesurge.net)
; E-mail : monitio@hotmail.com (subject: ePenis)
;
;----- Details ----------------------------------------
;
; The alias is called by: /epenis
;
; What does it do?
;
; This script will display your current uptime
; expressed in inches that measure the length
; of your e-Penis erection. It also keeps a record
; of your largest erection ever (longest uptime).
;
; Local variables used throughout the alias:
; > %up - Current uptime in seconds.
; > %in - Current uptime expressed in inches.
; > %cm - Current uptime expressed in centimeters.
; > %r.in - Record uptime expressed in inches.
; > %r.cm - Record uptime expressed in centimeters.
;
; Global variables set/used throughout the alias:
; > %ePenis.record - Record uptime in seconds.
;
;----- Changelog --------------------------------------
;
; April 28, 2004 - v1.04
; > Some minor updates/changes.
; > Added more information/comments.
;
; April 22, 2004 - v1.03
; > Some user suggested changes:
; - Variable usage.
; - Switched to '/say' rather than 'msg $active'.
; > Removed idiot mIRC user check. Screw idiots :P!
; > Using a different approach for erection sizing.
; The bigger your uptime becomes, the slower it
; will grow now :)
;
; April 21, 2004 - v1.02
; > Record slightly redone, bugs gone (I hope).
;
; April 18, 2004 - v1.01
; > Removed optional round parameter (was useless).
; > Added error checking incase of idiot mIRC user.
; > Added record erection (user requested addition).
; > Minor variable/context changes.
;
; April 14, 2004 - v1.00
; > First public distribution on mircscripts.org
;
;----- 'Copyright' ------------------------------------
;
; You are free to modify this script in any way you
; may desire, provided you leave the author info-header
; intact (or updated with your name added).
;
; Please, do not distribute it as your own.
;
;------------------------------------------------------
alias epenis {
; Set current length variables (inches & centimeters),
; using a square root function to determine erection size.
;
var %up = $uptime(system,3)
var %in = $sqrt($calc(0.0005 * %up))
var %cm = %in * 2.540
; If no record is set, or current uptime exceeds record
; uptime, set/adjust stored record value.
;
if ((%ePenis.record !isnum) || (%ePenis.record < %up)) {
set %ePenis.record %up
}
; Set record values.
;
var %r.in = $sqrt($calc(0.0005 * %ePenis.record))
var %r.cm = %r.in * 2.540
; No more than 2 decimals to keep it legible.
;
%in = $round(%in,2)
%cm = $round(%cm,2)
%r.in = $round(%r.in,2)
%r.cm = $round(%r.cm,2)
; Proceed to show my (big) erection to the rest/a friend.
;
say Based on the uptime of my $+(Win,$os) box, $&
my e-Penis is %in inches ( $+ %cm cm) erect! $&
Largest erection ever was %r.in inches ( $+ %r.cm cm)!
}
; Check current uptime against record upon exiting mIRC.
;
on *:exit:{
; If no record is set, or current uptime exceeds record
; uptime, set/adjust stored record value.
;
if ((%ePenis.record !isnum) || (%ePenis.record < $uptime(system,3))) {
set %ePenis.record $uptime(system,3)
}
}