Mine

#!/bin/bash
states='ESTABLISHED LAST_ACK TIME_WAIT SYN_SENT CLOSE_WAIT CLOSE FIN_WAIT SYN_RECV'
for x in '-vc -c'; do
 for i in $states; do
  count=`grep tcp /proc/net/ip_conntrack|grep $i|grep $x ASSURED`
  echo $count $i
  if [[ $x == "-vc" ]]; then
   echo X
  fi
 done
done
egrep -v `echo "$states" | tr ' ' '|'` /proc/net/ip_conntrack|grep tcp >&2
count=`grep -c udp /proc/net/ip_conntrack`
echo $count UDP