"I am being viciously attacked by a maths book, please excuse me while I go and extract myself.", ¬
"My fridge is rampaging in next doors garden, I need to go cheer it on.", ¬
"My finger is stuck in the plug hole.", ¬
"My chiwawa has broken free and is eating kitchen knives.", ¬
"God has summoned me to the toilet.", ¬
"I have had an idea and need to feed it.", ¬
"The house is on fire.", ¬
"The neighbours have broken out of the padded room.", ¬
"The window's melting.", ¬
"My hair has internally combusted.", ¬
"My brain has been sighted running across the road.", ¬
"The hedgehog is skating in the sink again.", ¬
"Time to heat my watch.", ¬
"Must start the cat spin cycle.", ¬
"Seems my walls need ironing..", ¬
"Going to Reno.", ¬
"Lounging in bliss.", ¬
"There seems to be a problem with my toenails.", ¬
"*insert lame excuse here*", ¬
"Smoking pottery.", ¬
"Driving screws. Really fast!", ¬
"Connecting my neural networking hair extensions.", ¬
"My neighbour is complaining about cement in his mail box.", ¬
"Making modem noises for fun.", ¬
"Inventing spontaneous combustion.", ¬
"Hacking mainframes and shit.", ¬
"Gonna get some new shoes for my donkey.", ¬
"Trying to figure out the official AIM client... Don't wait up.", ¬
"Busy trying to cure my goldfish from its fear of water.", ¬
"The FBI just called, I'm wanted for a special mission.", ¬
"Doing brain surgery on myself... again.", ¬
"Memorising Chinese characters by heart... all 50.000 of them.", ¬
"Funny you should write me just now, I just /happen/ to be on my way out.", ¬
"Got a cake in the oven I need to check up on.", ¬
"Trying to convince Bill Gates to give up the whole Windows-concept, since it's not going anywhere.", ¬
"Trying to figure out how to give Paris Hilton the image of being an intelligent blond.", ¬
"Cracking codes for the CIA...", ¬
"Busy planning how to take over the world.", ¬
"Practising for the world pickled cow-tongue eating championship.", ¬
"The scabies are breeding again, gotta find some tweezers.", ¬
"I can see my neighbour undressing and oiling himself up, gotta stop him from wrestling my dog again.", ¬
"Both hands are busy... don't ask.", ¬
"The slaves are revolting again", ¬
"My sister is screaming at the imaginary gnomes again.", ¬
"I think I may have a third nipple.", ¬
"Going to talk to the Jehovah's Witnesses at my door naked.", ¬
"Planting apricot trees in my orchard.", ¬
"Getting beamed up by Scotty", ¬
"Can't sit down. Anyone have any toilet paper?", ¬
"Pea up the nostril again.", ¬
"Putting pinholes in my mate's condoms for an April Fool.", ¬
"Putting on my wetsuit to surf the web", ¬
"Brushing teeth. Chick was a dude.", ¬
"Recycling corn in bathroom.", ¬
"Throwing the ball around with my quadriplegic son.", ¬
"Need more peanuts for my pet elephant.", ¬
"Seriously, I'm almost out of minutes.", ¬
"Boosting my reproductive capacity via beer consumption.", ¬
"Corresponding with the dead.", ¬
"Putting on beer goggles.", ¬
"Fabricating a rubber donkey.", ¬
"Trying to levitate.", ¬
"Where's my lighter? I can feel a huge fart coming.", ¬
"Sharpening my blugeon.", ¬
"Combing my back-hair.", ¬
"Time for a full body shave.", ¬
"Mud wrestling a peacock.", ¬
"My penguin is giving birth.", ¬
"Just fallen through a crack in the space/time continuum. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you last week", ¬
"You don't want to know.", ¬
"I'm dancing with myself - oh oh oh oh"}