EUROPEANS HEIGHTEN THREAT LEVELS
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved'. Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even
'A Bit Cross'. Londoners have not been 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz
began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody Nuisance'. The last time
the British issued 'A Bloody Nuisance' warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in
France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender.' The rise was precipitated by
a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level
of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and
Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain:
'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'
The Germans also increased their alert state from 'Disdainful
Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbour' and 'Lose'.
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.