FACADE STAGEPLAY
Wed Jul 11 21 14 28 2007
TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?
GRACE
What for?
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
That should be obvious! -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Oh, he's here!
GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
No, he's right on time!
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
GRACE
Trip...!
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Andrew knocks on the front door.)
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
Andrew!!
ANDREW
hi trip
TRIP
Hi! It's so great to see you! -- (interrupted)
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
GRACE
Andrew,
ANDREW
hi gracy
GRACE
Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long! -- (interrupted)
GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound)
ANDREW
hows it going
GRACE
And, I've -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Oh we're good, we're good... um... Yes!
GRACE
Well, come on in, make yourself at home!
TRIP
Huh, I'll close the door.
(ANDREW points to the wedding photo.)
TRIP
Heh heh, Andrew, seeing you brings back -- (interrupted)
(Trip closes the front door.)
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
Oh, I'll get it --
GRACE
No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
Grace, no, I want --
GRACE
Trip, please dear, don't be rude.
GRACE
It's probably just the execs at work inviting you to another one of your precious 'high class poker games'. -- (interrupted)
PHONE
** RING **
(ANDREW picks up the phone.)
GRACE
Andrew, no! Please don't do that.
PHONE
Grace? Hello?
ANDREW
fuck off phone dude
(ANDREW puts down the phone.)
GRACE
Uhh, it's my dad, I can hear his voice.
TRIP
Oh!
GRACE
Oh, good, you hung up. I can call him back later, or in a few days, heh.
TRIP
uh... ha heh heh...
GRACE
uh...
ANDREW
ok that god
TRIP
why...
GRACE
wha...
TRIP
ha ha...
ANDREW
lets have drinks
GRACE
ha ha...
TRIP
ha ha ha!
GRACE
ha ha ha ha ha!!
TRIP
Ha ha ha, heh, Andrew,
ANDREW
drinks
GRACE
heh heh heh...
TRIP
heh, you had me going there for a sec...
ANDREW
hello
TRIP
heh, ha ha...
TRIP
Never afraid to push your luck, heh heh heh...
ANDREW
i want some booze
TRIP
push our little buttons...
TRIP
heh heh, you're crazy, you know that?
ANDREW
i wanna get drunk
TRIP
ha ha...
TRIP
(big sigh)
TRIP
Anyway... what were we talking about, heh?
ANDREW
drinks
GRACE
Yes, you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.
ANDREW
lets have drinks
TRIP
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna fix us some drinks in a sec!
TRIP
Ah, you'll be the first to sample from my new set of imported drinking glasses.
ANDREW
wtf is wrong with you people
TRIP
Well hold on, hold on, take a closer look, give it a chance to soak in a little.
GRACE
(frustrated sigh) -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
ok
GRACE
Uh, yes, but it -- it just doesn't go in this room, right?
ANDREW
still looks like shit
TRIP
Oh, okay...
GRACE
I bet I can return most of this, and start over again on this room...
ANDREW
only because your hot
GRACE
That's funny, Andrew, I'd guess you were flirting with me.
ANDREW
yep
TRIP
See, Grace, everybody always loves your decorating! It's beautiful. -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
and trip too
TRIP
Andrew, uhh, Grace, nothing's wrong, everything's fine!
GRACE
Well... it didn't take long for you two to... bond, -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
lets have drinks you ugly people
TRIP
(little sigh)
TRIP
Ah, Andrew, maybe you didn't come here to hear this...
GRACE
What?
ANDREW
your elbow is fucked up
TRIP
Ha ha ha! Oh I think we're going to need some drinks first if we're going to talk about sex.
GRACE
Trip, you can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be funny.
ANDREW
Oooh, that sounds good
GRACE
Yeah!
ANDREW
and shuddup grace
GRACE
What...?
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
ANDREW
you're rong
TRIP
Oh, well...
TRIP
Oh, Andrew, I thought you might like this -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
trip is funnier than a beaver
GRACE
Oh, well, please, go look at Trip's Italy photo...
GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.
TRIP
Um... uhh, Now, Andrew, in one word, what does this picture say to you? -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
it reminds me of sex
TRIP
Well, actually, this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon!
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
GRACE
Oh, was that what it was? Huh, I'm always the last to know.
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
(ANDREW points to the italy picture.)
TRIP
Grace, I wanted us to spend -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
SHUT UP GRACE
TRIP
Romance! No it says... romance...!
GRACE
Romance? Ha, in our marriage, that's just a code word for manipulation. -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
reminds me of porn
GRACE
Wait -- see -- Trip tricked me into going!
GRACE
And you knew I planned to attend my friend's art show that weekend!
TRIP
What?
GRACE
A very good friend from college had a gallery show of his new paintings that weekend, and I missed -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
SRSLY???
GRACE
Oh, God, please, no more talk about Italy tonight... (frustrated sigh)
ANDREW
lets have drinks
GRACE
Huh, I think I forgot how well you two get along...
GRACE
Uhh, you are impossible...!
GRACE
I'm never happy...
GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling! -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
LETS HAVE DRINKS BIZNATCH
TRIP
Andrew, wait, I can't fix you a drink right now! -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
DRINKS
TRIP
Okay, look, I hear you, I hear you...
(ANDREW picks up the red wine bottle.)
(ANDREW puts down the red wine bottle.)
(ANDREW picks up the white wine bottle.)
TRIP
(little impatient sigh) Andrew, I...
(ANDREW puts down the white wine bottle.)
ANDREW
I WANT DRINKS
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
GRACE
Oh, and you...
GRACE
I can predict what you'll say...
GRACE
You've been critical of me all evening! -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
GOD, YOU'RE A LOUSY HOST
TRIP
Hey, no, it's just going to make this whole thing even worse if you keep criticizing me!
TRIP
Goddamn italy...
TRIP
I try to reach out to you, I try to be romantic with you, but you're cold, and distant! I do, I really try!
GRACE
Oh, sure, yeah!
GRACE
Goddamn second honeymoon...
ANDREW
WHERE'RE THE FUCKING DRINKS
GRACE
You never... call me when you're on your business trips! You never call me, you know that?
TRIP
Oh, Jesus...!
ANDREW
DRINKS DRINKS
GRACE
Okay, you know what, Andrew,
ANDREW
I WANT BOOZE
GRACE
I need to ask you something.
TRIP
Grace --
GRACE
Trip, let me ask our guest a question.
GRACE
Andrew, yes or no...
ANDREW
NO I JUST WANT DRINKS
GRACE
When you get married, you're just supposed to forgive and forget everything bad that happened before that, right?
ANDREW
GODAMN SHUT UP
TRIP
What?
GRACE
I mean, that's what you must to do in a marriage -- forgive, yes?
GRACE
Yes or no.
ANDREW
I WANT TO HAVE DRINKS
GRACE
Look, you don't need answer, I don't need to hear anymore!
GRACE
The truth is Trip, I should never have said yes so fast to marrying you! You totally manipulated me, goddammit!
ANDREW
SHUT UP GRACE
TRIP
Oh, come on...!
TRIP
Yeah, go on, get out of my face!
ANDREW
FUCK OFF TO THE KITCHEN
TRIP
I can't even frigging look at you.
TRIP
Oh... Shit!
ANDREW
TRIP
TRIP
What are you saying? What?
GRACE
What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me?
TRIP
What's it to you?
TRIP
Andrew, I can't -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
GIVE ME DRINKS
GRACE
Andrew, (annoyed sigh) Trip can just be so...
TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?
ANDREW
Let's have drinks
GRACE
What? -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Andrew, does it look like I want to fix you drinks right now?
GRACE
Trip, it's your fault -- ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,
ANDREW
Yes?
GRACE
you convinced me to go into advertising, instead of art! -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
It does, you retard
TRIP
That's bullshit.
GRACE
Uhh...
TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.
TRIP
Andrew, you think this is all my fault, don't you?
GRACE
See, you lied to me from the moment we got married, insisted I'd be better -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
Trip. Tell her the truth.
TRIP
Why?
TRIP
Thank you, just saying that should help us! Grace, I was trying to help you -- and you gladly took my advice!
GRACE
Uhh...
ANDREW
Tell her the truth, about that girl
TRIP
Andrew, what is it, is there something about me?
GRACE
No, let's switch to talking about Trip.
ANDREW
Yes.
TRIP
Andrew, you think this is all my fault, don't you?
TRIP
You're saying I -- I caused all this? I, I what, what -- what screwed up somewhere -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
You've been cheating on Grace.
GRACE
Ah!
TRIP
Heh, hey... heh heh heh, hey, no no no, don't -- don't try to... don't -- don't to try accuse me of -- of -- of anything with Maria...
GRACE
Oh God...
TRIP
No -- no, no, Grace, don't, don't even about think that -- look, look --
TRIP
look, our -- our 'friend' has just gone too far this time, that's all that's happening here...!
ANDREW
That's a lie.
TRIP
No no, there's nothing to... uhh...
GRACE
No, of course, Trip, there's nothing, there's nothing...
ANDREW
Trip, tell the truth.
TRIP
Why?
ANDREW
Tell the truth.
GRACE
Why?
GRACE
I can't... this is not... Andrew, this... oh god...
ANDREW
Trip, tell the truth about Maria
GRACE
Uhh, Andrew, you know, we already talked about that... (frustrated sigh)
ANDREW
He's been cheating on you Grace.
TRIP
Uhh, Andrew, we went over that already, didn't we?
ANDREW
And you lied
TRIP
Ah!
GRACE
Andrew, you're saying I'm lying?
GRACE
Trip, you keep acting like nothing's wrong, like nothing's going on here... -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
No, trip is lying.
TRIP
Yes?
GRACE
Oh, thank God you agree, it might help him!
TRIP
Andrew, you, you -- you, what -- you think I'm lying...?!
ANDREW
TRIP IS A CHEATING BASTARD
TRIP
Uhh, Andrew, we went over that already, didn't we?
ANDREW
NO
ANDREW
Grace, you need to tell the truth to
GRACE
Let's talk some more about Trip.
TRIP
Grace, we don't -- we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just --
GRACE
Andrew, I can't stand the -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
Yes we do.
TRIP
Yes?
GRACE
Ah, thank you, just saying that might help him!
GRACE
Trip, please, stop pretending, you've got to stop...!
TRIP
Uhh...
ANDREW
Tell the truth Trip.
TRIP
Andrew, you know, it's weird to me, when I'm on a business trip, Grace never calls me, ever!
GRACE
Uhh...
TRIP
She says she's afraid to call me!
ANDREW
That's why you did it.
TRIP
Why?
GRACE
Ah, you want to know more... see, that might help him...
TRIP
Uh, what?! I, I -- I, I mean, why, is -- is it something I'm... uhh...
ANDREW
Grace, he's lying.
TRIP
Aha!
GRACE
Andrew, you're saying I'm lying?
TRIP
See, Grace, you exaggerate, you pretend you're more unhappy than you actually are, just to make things seem worse! -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
No, Trip is lying.
GRACE
Uhh, Andrew, no, we already talked about that...!
ANDREW
Grace has been cheating on you
TRIP
Aha!
GRACE
Oh God...
TRIP
What is...? This is making no sense...
ANDREW
Grace, tell the truth.
GRACE
Why?
GRACE
Uhh... do you think it helps me for you to say that?
TRIP
What? What is this? I'm confused.
GRACE
No, no no no no no, our -- our 'friend' is just trying to... to confuse me or something...
ANDREW
I've been having an affair with her
GRACE
Why? -- (interrupted)
GRACE
No, don't... give me a second here... uhh...
ANDREW
I love her.
TRIP
Look, just quit the flirting right now, I'm warning you!
ANDREW
But you need to tell the truth.
TRIP
Let's talk some more about Grace.
TRIP
Grace, I don't think you really do want us to quit our jobs, lead a simpler lifestyle.
GRACE
What? Trip, you know what I --
TRIP
Oh come on! You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth. You can't live any other way.
ANDREW
Grace cheats on you Trip.
ANDREW
You people are all stupid.
TRIP
Okay, I've had enough of this bullshit!!
TRIP
Andrew, I know what you're hinting at, okay?!
TRIP
about me...
TRIP
about our marriage...
TRIP
Do you really want the truth? Huh?
ANDREW
You've been cheating on her.
TRIP
Andrew, do you want to hear it?
ANDREW
Yes.
TRIP
Grace?
GRACE
Yes...!
TRIP
See, Andrew, I've been paying attention to what you've been saying tonight.
TRIP
You've been pushing me tonight.
TRIP
It makes me wonder if you're really my friend or not.
GRACE
Trip!
ANDREW
I am.
TRIP
Andrew, Quit interrupting me, let me finish!
TRIP
Andrew, I ask you this -- yes or no...
TRIP
Do you really think that...
TRIP
criticizing me...
TRIP
flirting with Grace...
TRIP
and worst of all,
TRIP
suggesting that Grace is cheating on me...
TRIP
that it's all supposed to make me realize something about myself?
TRIP
Is what you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something?
ANDREW
I just want you to tell the truth.
TRIP
Is it? I just want -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Right.
TRIP
Grace...
TRIP
uhh...
TRIP
I've been having an affair.
GRACE
Oh my God.
TRIP
It's over now, though.
GRACE
But how could you --
TRIP
(big sigh) with the client, in, uh, Barcelona.
GRACE
Maria.
TRIP
I was lonely, Grace.
TRIP
But, but, I -- I regret it, I really, really regret it.
TRIP
uhh...
GRACE
uhh...
GRACE
Oh my God...!
TRIP
Andrew, I --
GRACE
I'm going to give you the truth too, Trip.
TRIP
What?!
ANDREW
Grace, tell the truth too.
GRACE
Trip, I --
GRACE
I let you stop me from being an artist.
TRIP
You let me --
GRACE
I was afraid, Trip okay?
ANDREW
What the fuck?!
GRACE
I -- I admit it.
(ANDREW sits on the couch.)
GRACE
I didn't know if -- if I could do it, be a real artist...
GRACE
And I've been using you as an excuse for why I didn't do it.
ANDREW
Grace has been cheating on you
GRACE
uhh...
TRIP
uhh...
ANDREW
Grace has had an affair too.
TRIP
Jesus...!
ANDREW
With me.
TRIP
Andrew, I, uhh...
GRACE
This changes everything...
TRIP
Yes, it does change everything.
(ANDREW gets up from the couch.)
TRIP
I think it's over.
GRACE
Trip, what --
TRIP
No!!
TRIP
It's over, Grace, can't you see that?
ANDREW
Trip, you need to tell the truth.
GRACE
Wha... I just told you --
(ANDREW kisses trip.)
TRIP
You just told me something about us you should have said a long time ago:
TRIP
You've been using me as an excuse to not be an artist...
ANDREW
Trip, you've lied too.
TRIP
And no, Andrew, enough of that already...
TRIP
And about me...
ANDREW
You need to tell the truth too.
TRIP
I cheated on you. I betrayed you.
TRIP
And no, Andrew, please, it's -- it's okay...
ANDREW
About the art.
GRACE
Trip, I --
TRIP
No, Grace, this about me, and it's about us, but it's -- it's not about you...
ANDREW
Tell her Trip.
GRACE
Not about me...? Hey, no, wait!
TRIP
Andrew, I'm sorry. You really helped me though, so, thanks.
ANDREW
Trip.
GRACE
Trip!
(Trip opens the front door.)
GRACE
Trip!!
(Trip closes the front door.)
ANDREW
Don't go.
GRACE
Oh my God...
(ANDREW knocks on the front door.)
(ANDREW opens the front door.)
GRACE
I should have told him that...
GRACE
I could have told him that...
ANDREW
You know, I really want those drinks.