Session Start (dioxyribose2003:murreki_kitfoxie): Mon Apr 23 18:44:03 2007
[18:44] murreki_kitfoxie: As of right now, my old screen name most of you know me on, lilfoxkit_kirk, is deleted. if you havent added this screen name, murreki_kitfoxie, and still wanna remain on my list .. add this now! ^.^
[18:45] dioxyribose2003: theintriguingmoveititle >:/
[18:45] murreki_kitfoxie: Well Hoi :3
[18:46] dioxyribose2003: yeah, can of worms
[18:46] dioxyribose2003: but for curiosity's sake, why am I still on your list?
[18:46] murreki_kitfoxie: Meh, because I figured what would be the point in deleting you? I didnt want to in the first place because I knew in the back of my mind that, to me at least, you're still my friend
[18:47] dioxyribose2003: doesn't matter. You never start a conversation anyways, and I declared that I wouldn't either.
[18:49] murreki_kitfoxie: Yea well, you know how I am with that matter, unfortunately, regarding the "Me sucky at starting a conversation" .. Plus I didnt exactly want to subject myself to your "I will check on your progress at the end of my semester at college" Kinda made me feel the need to keep my distance ;.;
[18:50] dioxyribose2003: you hurt me real bad, you know.
[18:50] murreki_kitfoxie: Yea .. I do .. and I hope you realize at least that I am sorry for causing you grief :/
[18:51] dioxyribose2003: I do. I don't expect anyone to understand my outlandish reasons for making it so dramatic, but it's the only way I could move past it all.
[18:52] murreki_kitfoxie: Yeah .. I had to do the same thing with AJ .. He ruined more than you will know and Im *still* not over it >.<
[18:53] dioxyribose2003: I am over you for the most part. I still have your picture and birthday card on my wall as a reminder, but to be honest, life has been a lot more sunny without somebody to worry about.
[18:54] murreki_kitfoxie: Well .. its good to hear youre not still worrying over me x.x
[18:55] murreki_kitfoxie: My life has been nothing but up too since I started attempting to forget about AJ completely .. my friends saw to that, that I stop thinking about him
[18:55] murreki_kitfoxie: Course .. Pup and them didnt do all that much to help me -.-;;
[18:56] dioxyribose2003: I heard a bit about that from Keith.
[18:56] murreki_kitfoxie: His knowledge of it isnt really all that informed .. he knows a little bit, but not all that much
[18:57] dioxyribose2003: eh
[18:57] dioxyribose2003: what little he tells satisfied my latent stalker urge, in any case
[18:57] murreki_kitfoxie: Heh .. well if you are curious .. I could tell you .. if you still wanna talk however o.o
[18:57] murreki_kitfoxie: Your choice
[18:58] dioxyribose2003: makes no difference to me. As far as I'm concerned, you're as distant as AJ is. Remember I talked to him once when I had to.
[18:58] murreki_kitfoxie: I try not to remember
[18:59] murreki_kitfoxie: The only thing AJ really did for me was realize how turned around my life was and how off course his was
[19:00] dioxyribose2003: I'm not going to lecture you about it, but the only way I could feel right about losing you was to let each thought run its course until I realize I'm going in circles. After a few months I decided it wasn't worth making contact after all.
[19:00] dioxyribose2003: as for AJ, that's a different situation with a different remedy.
[19:01] murreki_kitfoxie: Remedy: Fuck em >_<
[19:02] dioxyribose2003: Justine is with another guy now.
[19:02] murreki_kitfoxie: Oh? x.x
[19:03] dioxyribose2003: apparently he has all the qualities I have, with the bonus of being nearby and having not fucked up last summer >_>
[19:03] murreki_kitfoxie: Oh x.x;;
[19:03] murreki_kitfoxie: Meh..I honestly could *never* be with a chick
[19:04] dioxyribose2003: it all comes down to chemistry.
[19:04] murreki_kitfoxie: When I was X and Y to come together .. I'll watch it on TV or something :P
[19:08] murreki_kitfoxie: So you gunna look for another girl .. or wha?
[19:10] dioxyribose2003: well, I got her to tell me straight-out that he's more than a friend at this point, which helped. I started actively looking for girls last week. I mean, if I'm going to find a good, geeky girl, I have to catch her when she's forced to come to classes :P
[19:10] dioxyribose2003: at least I know how much I would settle for. She had everything I wanted.
[19:10] murreki_kitfoxie: Geeky girls are hard to come by <.< .. Post something on 4chan ^.^
[19:11] dioxyribose2003: what
[19:11] murreki_kitfoxie: I saw a pic on 4chan about a girl on the internet .. t'was funny :P
[19:11] murreki_kitfoxie: Then they hadda weird story to go with it *shrugs*
[19:12] murreki_kitfoxie: You got me hooked on 4chan..so I go there when I have little to do :P
[19:15] murreki_kitfoxie: So feel proud..you left an everlasting impact XP
[19:15] dioxyribose2003: right.
[19:15] murreki_kitfoxie: :/
[19:25] dioxyribose2003: I feel like asking you questions related to what happened, but I know hearing any explanation will just tempt me to be friends again.
[19:27] dioxyribose2003: and it's not worth it for you to explain yourself anyways. Plenty of things for each of us to apologize for, but there's no point in reliving guilt.
[19:27] murreki_kitfoxie: Erp, sorry ... mom called x.x
[19:28] murreki_kitfoxie: Well..whatever you feel you want to do o.o
[19:28] murreki_kitfoxie: It seems you dont want to be friends again so .. its in your hands now I guess :/
[19:30] dioxyribose2003: didn't somebody tell me that your true friends can't be pushed away?
[19:30] murreki_kitfoxie: I hope so
[19:31] dioxyribose2003: I'm pretty sure you did.
[19:31] dioxyribose2003: either you or AJ.
[19:32] murreki_kitfoxie: It was probably AJ .. it sounds like something he would say to keep friends who are against him
[19:32] murreki_kitfoxie: I kinda wish I said it x.x
[19:36] dioxyribose2003: there's nothing I can say anymore, no nuggets of wisdom to offer. But I'll pose you one question.
[19:37] dioxyribose2003: I hate you. What are you going to do about it?
[19:37] murreki_kitfoxie: Ask you to not hate me, but at least dislike me x.x
[19:38] murreki_kitfoxie: There isnt much one can do when another hates them so.
[19:38] dioxyribose2003: you're a horrible friend to think that.
[19:39] murreki_kitfoxie: Well what do you want me to say? .. I can at least try this..
[19:40] murreki_kitfoxie: The reason I started this new screen name was so I could get a reason to talk to you .. I suck at starting a conversation .. so I kinda hoped you would IM me before I deleted the lilfoxkit account :/
[19:41] dioxyribose2003: you need to grow some balls. I can understand if starting a conversation is that hard, but even now, you kept reminding me "if you still want to talk, anyways..."
[19:41] murreki_kitfoxie: Yea well .. at least I did something .. if I never wanted to talk to you again, I would have just let it go, and deleted you completely from my list
[19:45] dioxyribose2003: it's little wonder I gave up. I'm sure you realized a long time ago that after something like last Halloween, it would take a lot to bring me back. By contrast, this was a pathetic effort, something you can shrug off with perfect ease if it failed.
[19:45] dioxyribose2003: do you realize I gave up a near-perfect girl to be with you?
[19:46] murreki_kitfoxie: Near perfect? o.o You told me and most others that you only went out with her to get your mind off me
[19:46] dioxyribose2003: that's because I was infatuated with you. Only after Halloween did I realize what a gem I lost.
[19:47] dioxyribose2003: In essence, it was like you unconsciously seduced me >_>
[19:47] murreki_kitfoxie: Well I never tried to
[19:48] dioxyribose2003: you wanted me to become gay
[19:48] dioxyribose2003: you can't deny that.
[19:48] murreki_kitfoxie: Well never say I turned you gay .. If it's in your life .. theres nothing anyone can do to *stop* it .. helping it along however is different
[19:50] dioxyribose2003: you wasted two years of my life. If it weren't for you, I'd be about where I stand now, but with a girl who probably isn't perfect but good enough.
[19:50] dioxyribose2003: but whatever.
[19:53] dioxyribose2003: every one of my dreams involved a future with you. You seemed and were far too passive about helping fill them. You allowed a troubled, yet long-standing, friendship shrivel into nothing by hiding Kai from me, and insisting that we were never truly together.
[19:54] murreki_kitfoxie: I never hid Kai from you .. he was a Second Life friend that I planned to meet about two weeks before i actually met him o.o .. He was a pet of Streak's and we still are .. and we just connected
[19:54] murreki_kitfoxie: I dont hide things from anyone
[19:55] dioxyribose2003: yeah. I guess I just never asked. And it never occurred to you that it might be useful for me to know.
[19:55] murreki_kitfoxie: And I dont believe I wasted two years of your life .. I believe I helped you discover more areas of your personality and parts of yourself
[19:55] murreki_kitfoxie: I dont consider what AJ did to me a waste of my life .. just a painful learning experience
[19:57] dioxyribose2003: I can't pretend to know where I would be without you. Chances are I would go through a handful of different life experiences for better or worse. But I would seriously have prefferred this a long time ago, when it wouldn't hurt as much.
[19:59] dioxyribose2003: I hear you decided to live with Lilpup for a while, and left a few months afterwards for conflicting reasons.
[19:59] murreki_kitfoxie: Conflicting reasons is one way to put it ..
[19:59] dioxyribose2003: what I mean is that, from what I hear, there are two stories out there that do not match up.
[20:00] dioxyribose2003: which is somewhat reminiscent of your LJ post.
[20:00] murreki_kitfoxie: What stories and from who? o.o
[20:01] dioxyribose2003: it doesn't matter. I'm making a dedicated effort to stay out of your life, remember? But here I am. I heard that your reason was that the place was dirty, and their reason was that you weren't pulling your own weight.
[20:02] murreki_kitfoxie: Heh..their reason is full of shit
[20:02] dioxyribose2003: I choose to believe both. You didn't feel safe with them, and they didn't find you cute enough anymore.
[20:03] murreki_kitfoxie: No, Goliath was pissed because I wouldnt fuck him or let him fuck me
[20:03] murreki_kitfoxie: Pup is a totally different case
[20:03] murreki_kitfoxie: and Tigeris was just as stressed as I was
[20:03] dioxyribose2003: so what's the deal with Lilpup?
[20:04] murreki_kitfoxie: *inhales deeply* Well...
[20:04] murreki_kitfoxie: First off .. he 100% REFUSED to allow me to see Kai .. and his reasons are thus ..
[20:05] murreki_kitfoxie: 1) When Kai used to live there, Kai picked on him .. That was totally false
[20:05] murreki_kitfoxie: 2) When we were at MFF, he thought Kai was clinging close to me to make Pup feel bad because Pup was actually going to tell me he wanted me and him to be boyfriends the day AFTER all that crap happened at his place
[20:06] murreki_kitfoxie: and 3) Kai was never around and refused to do what Pup told him (for example .. do stuff with them that involved stuff he wasnt into .. like yiff -.- )
[20:07] murreki_kitfoxie: What is so easy to tell that Pup is lying through his teeth..
[20:07] murreki_kitfoxie: is all this happened before I met him..and yet he allowed Kai to be around me
[20:07] murreki_kitfoxie: The only reason he hates Kai is because I mated him
[20:07] murreki_kitfoxie: So .. Pup wouldnt allow me to see Kai at all
[20:08] murreki_kitfoxie: It would be no different were you and I mated..He would absolutely refuse to allow you access and would cringe at your name...only problem is he wouldnt be able to come up with some stupid fucking excuse because he didnt know you
[20:08] murreki_kitfoxie: also .. Pup can be gross at times .. like his shower is the shower I had to use..and he threw his soaked cloth diaper in there RIGHT before I was taking a shower .. and his piss was leaking down the fucking drain -.-
[20:09] murreki_kitfoxie: hed also enjoy telling us about how he cant wait to get his balls removed and how he was planning on keeping them in a clear jar in his room
[20:09] murreki_kitfoxie: Also, in EVERY bathroom .. The downstairs one, Pup's, and Tigeris & Goliath's .. were a like, 2 foot moutain of used diapers
[20:10] murreki_kitfoxie: Lastly..
[20:10] murreki_kitfoxie: Before I moved down, Pup PROMISED me two things ..
[20:11] murreki_kitfoxie: 1) He would train me in making lights for emergency vehicles..as he was going to make a home business once he got his business up and running
[20:11] murreki_kitfoxie: but that never happened; he kept procrastinating and its STILL not up
[20:11] murreki_kitfoxie: he kept relying on his mom to pay his bills
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: and 2) He promised me that I didnt have to worry about finding a job myself, as he was going to search for us, in a non-retail area, such as Lost Prevention or something that doesnt deal with customers and/or people
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: me thinking how almost NOT possible that is, as you need to deal with people ANYWAY .. I just let him do what he wanted
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: and we went to a job interview, wasnt what HE expected, and pulled us out of the interview process (It was a walk in interview)
[20:13] murreki_kitfoxie: so .. I couldnt get a job, couldnt see my mate, couldnt do ANYTHING .. I couldnt stay in my room for too long or Pup would get emo because I or someone else wasnt hanging with him
[20:13] murreki_kitfoxie: he has severe cabin fever and I couldnt have shiney things around him as he has a, I believe, fake phobia to it
[20:14] murreki_kitfoxie: If anyone has shiney things on them, (Like before I left, my mom gave me a cross necklace, that I wore EVERY day .. ALL the time.. ) he would tell me to take it off because HE couldnt stand it
[20:14] murreki_kitfoxie: I told him no and he completely avoided me
[20:14] murreki_kitfoxie: So..I got tired of it and I said FUCK .. THIS .. and I called my parents who were just waiting for me to come home because they knew EVERYTHING that was going on .. rented a truck, and got me
[20:15] dioxyribose2003: so basically he was about 10 times more unfair to you than he was to me, not willing to spare the 10 minutes to drive me to a bus station.
[20:16] murreki_kitfoxie: Exactly
[20:16] murreki_kitfoxie: He personally didnt even want more people in his house because he wanted to be with ME -.-;
[20:16] dioxyribose2003: I still don't know what was going through your head. That place was a cesspool when I walked in.
[20:17] murreki_kitfoxie: Well .. what convinced me .. was that Pup sounded SO convincing when he said "When we move, this is the LAST fucking thing that is happeneing, this cluddered house"
[20:17] murreki_kitfoxie: He started setting up a lil .. task..thing..
[20:17] murreki_kitfoxie: "Dishes in the sink or dirty? Put em in the dish washer"
[20:17] murreki_kitfoxie: "Do your own laundry"
[20:17] dioxyribose2003: yeah right!
[20:17] murreki_kitfoxie: "clean your own stuff"
[20:17] dioxyribose2003: obviously he's never been in a college dorm.
[20:17] murreki_kitfoxie: Whatever .. In any case..NONE of that fucking shit happened
[20:17] murreki_kitfoxie: and that was another reason I moved
[20:18] murreki_kitfoxie: He wants me to come to his Bday party on the 27th .. Im ever so tempted because I want to see their progress since I left
[20:18] murreki_kitfoxie: they know EVERY reason why I left
[20:18] murreki_kitfoxie: I know Kai will never be allowed in, but I want to see how much worse it got
[20:18] murreki_kitfoxie: however ... I'll ask for someone to take pictures . I dont want to go and I definetly wont
[20:19] murreki_kitfoxie: My friend Ursus came over one day to get me out of the house so I could be reminded what being sane was like .. we came back and took pictures of a few areas in the house
[20:20] murreki_kitfoxie: brb
[20:23] murreki_kitfoxie: Backs
[20:25] dioxyribose2003: so why did you want to move in?
[20:25] dioxyribose2003: had to try out the babyfur experience, full-time changes and all?
[20:26] murreki_kitfoxie: Nope..Im more of a babyfur here than I was there...and which I did that for a reason
[20:26] murreki_kitfoxie: I thought it would be nice to be able to be with babyfurs period .. be able to be myself, not worry about as much being here .. be in PA where there is more stuff to do
[20:26] murreki_kitfoxie: How wrong I was >.<
[20:27] murreki_kitfoxie: But .. I had to experience it
[20:27] murreki_kitfoxie: Made me a better person, plus it made me appreciate Delaware and this house
[20:28] dioxyribose2003: why do you think I kept visiting? >_>
[20:28] murreki_kitfoxie: Same reason eh?
[20:29] dioxyribose2003: you goofed pretty bad. If I were in a better state of mind, I would have told you that it's not a good place.
[20:29] murreki_kitfoxie: You didnt have to .. Kai wouldnt stop x.x .. I told him I needed to experience for myself and he agreed
[20:29] murreki_kitfoxie: He sure did have one hell of a grin on his face when he and my parents arrived to help me move
[20:30] dioxyribose2003: a shit-eating grin, I bet...
[20:30] murreki_kitfoxie: Not necessarily
[20:30] murreki_kitfoxie: He didnt have anything against Pup until Pup started stuff with him
[20:30] murreki_kitfoxie: They were actually friends if you can imagine
[20:31] dioxyribose2003: ugh
[20:31] dioxyribose2003: you're hopeless
[20:31] murreki_kitfoxie: Am I now?
[20:32] murreki_kitfoxie: I got the reference .. I just didnt jump on it
[20:32] dioxyribose2003: you don't take friends' advice very well.
[20:35] dioxyribose2003: I heard a lot of horror stories about Lilpup before the Halloween thing. Especially centered around Loupy. Sure, they're stories, I have no idea what actually happened. But I can't trust the motives of popular people, and when I met him, I could tell bad things followed his steps.
[20:35] murreki_kitfoxie: Well .. again, I had to experience things for myself .. you know me well enough to know thats how I am
[20:37] dioxyribose2003: but to room with him? His place is attractive to babyfurs because it's babyfur-only. I'm sure you could have had a better experience with somebody else.
[20:37] murreki_kitfoxie: Youre right .. hence why Im back here
[20:37] dioxyribose2003: this isn't hindsight. When Keith told me you were moving, I was beating my head.
[20:38] murreki_kitfoxie: You knew as did Kai that it wouldnt last long
[20:38] murreki_kitfoxie: I however, didnt know them all *that* well to be able to determine that
[20:40] dioxyribose2003: Naivete doesn't necessarily follow innocence when you have the right advice.
[20:40] murreki_kitfoxie: Yea but they were my friends .. and you know that like, half my friends dislike half my OTHER friends
[20:41] murreki_kitfoxie: Its sickening being in the middle all the time -.-
[20:41] dioxyribose2003: I have virtually no enemies. Shouldn't that say something as to my motivation?
[20:42] murreki_kitfoxie: I suppose
[20:44] dioxyribose2003: I wasn't there to tell you it was a bad idea. But I suppose you wouldn't have listened anyways, and I probably would be too meek because I didn't have any information past a bad feeling.
[20:46] dioxyribose2003: This is something I was secretly wishing on you. I wanted you to suffer for once, for turning on me. I wasn't arrogant enough to think you relied on my advice so much, but I hoped you would grow a bit in my absence.
[20:47] murreki_kitfoxie: Well .. I did .. and I went and experienced a lot .. which helped me progress in life
[20:47] murreki_kitfoxie: Also makes me more wanting to be better than them
[20:49] dioxyribose2003: so what are you going to do about it?
[20:49] murreki_kitfoxie: What am I going to do about what?
[20:50] dioxyribose2003: are you going to go to college, learn how to do something other than web design, a skill that 80% of the next generation can do already?
[20:50] dioxyribose2003: become successful, make a place of your own?
[20:50] murreki_kitfoxie: Money would certainly help .. Im looking into two jobs .. gotta call one of em back soon, on the 27th Im going to a job interview and really hoping for that one over the other o.o
[20:51] murreki_kitfoxie: Im already on my path to be successful .. I just have to work on it more
[20:51] murreki_kitfoxie: Something about 5% of this generation can do
[20:52] dioxyribose2003: no
[20:53] murreki_kitfoxie: No?
[20:54] dioxyribose2003: well, maybe. My high school classmates were pretty damn ambitious, but that's a small sample.
[20:54] murreki_kitfoxie: What are you 'no'ing to exactly?
[20:54] dioxyribose2003: 5%
[20:55] murreki_kitfoxie: Oh? And what do you assume I am getting into?
[20:55] dioxyribose2003: you're making a herculean effort, relative to yourself...it's actually pretty average
[20:55] murreki_kitfoxie: What do you think Im going to be working on?
[20:56] dioxyribose2003: Data entry. Payroll. Post office. Who knows?
[20:56] murreki_kitfoxie: Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I know.
[20:57] murreki_kitfoxie: When I say 5% .. it could more likely be less than that, but if it IS higher than 5%, it sure isnt by much
[20:58] dioxyribose2003: I meant the whole "working on your future" aspect. A good 50% of my classmates, at least, are dead-set on it.
[20:59] murreki_kitfoxie: O ... kay .. I meant that amount of people are getting into what I am
[20:59] dioxyribose2003: sculpting?
[20:59] murreki_kitfoxie: Nnnnnnnope .. although Id love to learn that
[21:02] dioxyribose2003: I don't really care to ask what it is. You'll tell me in due time, or not at all.
[21:03] murreki_kitfoxie: Well I dont even know if it's relevant to or not .. I mean you dont really even seem to want to be talking to me so whats the point then? I could tell you, and you'd either look at me like Im nuts, or just wish me luck, or just change the subject
[21:06] dioxyribose2003: I let you go off on that rant about Lilpup because it also supported my emotional dislike of him. As for you getting a job, it's shocking, given your history. But it doesn't make a difference to me.
[21:08] dioxyribose2003: If you want to be friends again, I'll say good luck getting past my hostility.
[21:12] murreki_kitfoxie: If its impossible and pointless to even attempt, just tell me now.. Lord knows I dont want to waste another two years of your life -.-
[21:14] dioxyribose2003: I don't get it. I wanted to be your mate, and you agreed. Then when you found another mate, while at the same time insisting that there was none, you chose him over me and expected everything to be peachy between us.
[21:15] dioxyribose2003: brb
[21:44] dioxyribose2003: okay
[21:44] murreki_kitfoxie: Welcome back
Session Close (murreki_kitfoxie): Mon Apr 23 21:48:20 2007
Session Start (dioxyribose2003:murreki_kitfoxie): Fri Apr 27 01:37:05 2007
[01:42] dioxyribose2003: I hate you. I hate you so much. It was all well and good when I just didn't talk to you, didn't want to be friends anymore. But then you went and planted the seeds of doubt, showing that you had regained some glimmer of promise. That you were sorry, and that you had grown. How can I be mad at somebody like that? I'm compelled to forgive you now, to give you yet another chance. But god, it's so hard to believe that you won't just hurt me again. I'm just so damned loving, and I like being this way....but you showed me the one case where it is downright unfair.
[01:42] dioxyribose2003: Congratulations. By being the slightest bit humble, you prodded my foolish heart yet another time.
Session Close (murreki_kitfoxie): Fri Apr 27 02:02:48 2007
Session Start (dioxyribose2003:murreki_kitfoxie): Fri Apr 27 12:44:06 2007
[12:44] dioxyribose2003: so
[12:44] murreki_kitfoxie: o.o
[12:44] murreki_kitfoxie: Sooo..
[12:45] dioxyribose2003: how's things in Second Life?
[12:45] murreki_kitfoxie: Fuh .. They could be better -.-
[12:46] murreki_kitfoxie: My daddy, Streak .. hes sorta forgetting about most of his other pets and focusing on one now
[12:46] dioxyribose2003: that being not you, right? :P
[12:47] murreki_kitfoxie: Nope .. I *used* to be .. I wont deny that <_< .. but like .. apparently things changed .. one of our friends he took in as a pet and now that friend is just..taking completely over Streak .. not meaning to mind you .. its not his fault, Streak is changing
[12:47] murreki_kitfoxie: Hes becoming rather .. stupid .. for lack of better words
[12:47] murreki_kitfoxie: was one of our best friends, now hes just acting foolish ;.;
[12:48] dioxyribose2003: so, stupid not in a me-speaky-english sense, but more foolish?
[12:48] murreki_kitfoxie: Right
[12:48] dioxyribose2003: hm
[12:49] murreki_kitfoxie: me-speaky-english .. hehe .. now Im inclined to watch a 2 rant :P
[12:49] dioxyribose2003: I'm not about to go through the old archives, but I am following 2 Sense since the resurrection
[12:49] murreki_kitfoxie: me too
[12:49] dioxyribose2003: he spent a good deal of time on the last show about Vtech, right?
[12:50] murreki_kitfoxie: Yea .. how so many people are just going apeshit over it
[12:50] dioxyribose2003: I went to the Penn State game up at University Park last weekend, also to meet some furries. It was fun. But the game...there were more people in maroon/yellow than blue/white.
[12:51] dioxyribose2003: Every game for the next few months is going to be a VTech game :/
[12:51] murreki_kitfoxie: I dont mean to sound insecure .. but the second I heard about the vtech shooting, firs tthing I thought was "Ah fuck..here we go again, another Columbine. People are going to be talking about this .. for ages"
[12:52] murreki_kitfoxie: Oddly enough, first place I heard about it was 4chan <_<;;
[12:52] dioxyribose2003: me too
[12:52] murreki_kitfoxie: I dunno if thats bad or good XP
[12:52] dioxyribose2003: they're always on top of that shit
[12:52] dioxyribose2003: Jack Thompson immediately blamed it on video games, naturally
[12:52] dioxyribose2003: then we find out he doesn't own a single one
[12:52] murreki_kitfoxie: I wish I had more time .. I would love to know what goes on, on 4chan when Im asleep XD
[12:52] murreki_kitfoxie: Yep
[12:52] murreki_kitfoxie: I heard about all that from 2
[12:52] murreki_kitfoxie: No vid games, no movies, no music
[12:53] dioxyribose2003: well, I looked around, and it's true
[12:53] murreki_kitfoxie: "But he watched a similar movie like this before!! THAST HIS MOTIVE!!!!!"
[12:54] dioxyribose2003: it's more likely that he had a very strange life growing up. He was antisocial from the start, a few learning problems...just a series of bad coincidences.
[12:54] murreki_kitfoxie: The reason he spazzed was because they took an emo goth kid (him) .. i dunno if he was goth at least, but it seemed it because they said they found his journal thing..and it had "OH NOES .. EEEVIL sounding dark writings in it"
[12:55] murreki_kitfoxie: So they tossed him inna institution of some sorts so he could be evalulated and dicked around with to find a cure -.-
[12:56] murreki_kitfoxie: I hope no one gets ahold of my notebooks .. theyll call me fucked in the head due to my "Other Side" knowledge and babyfur stuff :P
[13:02] dioxyribose2003: guh
[13:02] dioxyribose2003: did you get my message from last night?
[13:03] *** You have been disconnected. Fri Apr 27 13:03:21 2007.
[13:03] *** "murreki_kitfoxie" signed on at Fri Apr 27 13:03:21 2007.
[13:03] dioxyribose2003: crap
[13:03] murreki_kitfoxie: eep
[13:03] dioxyribose2003: so
[13:03] dioxyribose2003: did you get my message from last night?
[13:03] murreki_kitfoxie: Yiss
[13:04] dioxyribose2003: one thing has bothered me about the whole thing, more than anything else
[13:05] dioxyribose2003: every time I implied or even accused you of choosing somebody over me, you change the subject. Why?
[13:05] murreki_kitfoxie: I dont know .. to be honest I dont remember doing so >.<
[13:06] dioxyribose2003: it's because you don't want to show favoritism among friends or mates, right?
[13:07] dioxyribose2003: it doesn't really compute with you to be able to say "I like him more than you"
[13:07] murreki_kitfoxie: I try to be equal .. you know enough about my past to know that part of me .. I honestly am trying to throw the remains of that away from me
[13:07] murreki_kitfoxie: I finally got AJ out of my head for the most part and its easier
[13:09] dioxyribose2003: according to developmental psychology, you first learn that you exist. Then you learn that other people exist. And then you learn that people aren't alike at all.
[13:09] murreki_kitfoxie: Yea .. it would be nice however if everyone lived without thoughts of "Who shall I fuck with/kill etc .. next"
[13:11] dioxyribose2003: killing isn't a natural instinct, but it's a skill that preserves us by meeting our needs for hunger and such. Fucking, on the other hand, is the basis of life, so you can't deny it. Even I can't deny it, which is why I take mateship so seriously.
[13:11] dioxyribose2003: But that's not really the point.
[13:12] murreki_kitfoxie: Fuck with I meant like act like an ass with
[13:12] murreki_kitfoxie: but yea..sex shoulda been added in XP
[13:13] dioxyribose2003: Bullying people is a more useful skill, and therefore harder to part with, even though it's frowned upon (visibly, at least) by everybody.
[13:13] dioxyribose2003: But that's not the point either :P
[13:13] murreki_kitfoxie: hehe
[13:14] dioxyribose2003: I could have accepted the idea of you sleeping around, even if that wasn't your intention. After all, I'm not always physically there. But you have to admit that for a long-distance relationship, I did the best I could to make sure there was trust and patience.
[13:15] murreki_kitfoxie: I knows
[13:15] dioxyribose2003: so why Kai?
[13:15] murreki_kitfoxie: I honestly didnt like myself when I would "Sleep Around" even if it was on the internet mostly
[13:15] murreki_kitfoxie: Its really hard to explain .. but I'll do my best .....
[13:16] murreki_kitfoxie: I had known him for a *while* on SL .. like..a good bit .. Streak accepted him into the family and we were VERY close friends .. however I didnt exactly understand until a while later, that Kai had another daddy, and Streak was his Master
[13:16] murreki_kitfoxie: Didnt really bother me .. but I always was curious
[13:16] murreki_kitfoxie: Thast not the point though..
[13:17] murreki_kitfoxie: On SL, I found out he lived in NY, and that he wanted to meet me
[13:17] murreki_kitfoxie: We found out that Pup could pick him up in NJ where we were going for tha tfirehouse...thing
[13:18] murreki_kitfoxie: so we met there .. hung around for a while, Pup was being stupid again and pretty much starved us, so at 4pm Kai and I got so fucking fed up with that shit so we went to Burger King, then to Target where you met up with us
[13:19] murreki_kitfoxie: Then you hadda get gas, and then had your .. dilemma x.x
[13:19] murreki_kitfoxie: I was in total shock and Kai helped me through that
[13:19] dioxyribose2003: that doesn't make much sense. So the primary reason you went to the meet was to meet Kai?
[13:19] murreki_kitfoxie: Yes, its a story and in the end you'll see why XP .. I drag things on
[13:19] murreki_kitfoxie: No .. I was going with Pup and Goliath to this meet and Kai found out and wanted to meet me
[13:19] murreki_kitfoxie: He knew the two before me
[13:20] murreki_kitfoxie: so he called up and asked if he could join
[13:20] murreki_kitfoxie: they said yes because Pup didnt hate Kai yet (Because that only started after Kai and I got together)
[13:21] murreki_kitfoxie: Heres what started it however .. and Im being slightly brutally honest here x.x
[13:21] murreki_kitfoxie: When we were at Tony's place .. and I had my foot propped up on Kais lap so he could do whatever it was he was doing .. notice I sat down on the longer couch, expecting you to sit next to me right away .. however you chose the recliner (I think it was..cant remember)
[13:22] murreki_kitfoxie: then you seemed to get upset that most of my attention seemed to be on Kai ..
[13:22] murreki_kitfoxie: so you sat (rather roughly <.<) next to me and grabbed my hand .. I was kinda taken aback
[13:23] murreki_kitfoxie: What he was doing was outta the brotherly love thing, just massaging my feet cause he knows I love that
[13:23] murreki_kitfoxie: then you kinda held me back and demanded I not ignore you .. when I wasnt .. again, I was rather taken aback and confused x.x
[13:23] murreki_kitfoxie: Then when we got home, is where the issue really started
[13:24] dioxyribose2003: you were far less confused than I was. I just needed a friend.
[13:24] murreki_kitfoxie: The room kai and I were staying in was the only place we had enough room for our shit .. Goliath puts all his junk into that room because he doesnt know the first thing about organizing
[13:24] murreki_kitfoxie: so Kai and I had limited space as it was
[13:24] murreki_kitfoxie: we werent planning on having sex that night .. just wanted to get sleep
[13:25] murreki_kitfoxie: But I think you may have assumed that and drug the futon up there and did what Goliath needs to learn: moving shit around for more space
[13:25] murreki_kitfoxie: and crashed there
[13:25] murreki_kitfoxie: We were rather surprised when you actually made room, because its damn near impossible in that godforsaken house
[13:25] dioxyribose2003: You already know how I saw the issue. You and Kai were on the level of brotherly love, but I know you're both gay. And I remember how you allowed Skippy to "grind" you on the first visit.
[13:26] murreki_kitfoxie: Yea that was way fuckin odd <_<
[13:26] murreki_kitfoxie: Im SOOOO happy my labido slowed the hell down
[13:26] dioxyribose2003: Far from accusing you of getting it on with Kai, but I knew it was possible and the only way I could keep from thinking it was to make sure it didn't happen without me knowing.
[13:27] dioxyribose2003: Because I didn't know the first thing about you and Kai except that you were friends and very excited about meeting him.
[13:28] dioxyribose2003: What I saw that night made me suspicious of just how close he was, when I thought that I did have a claim on you. And in my mind, I did have a claim on you, because I cherish my mate more than anything else in the world, and you knew I had chosen you.
[13:29] murreki_kitfoxie: I was just excruciatingly confused that night .. I dont know if you know how I get when I dont get sleep .. but I know Pup more than you do .. and he does NOT let up when he wants to do something .. it was two in the morning nearly .. and I know he would want us up early or at least near it
[13:30] murreki_kitfoxie: So, Kai and I were in the kitchen while you were doing whatever you were doing upstairs .. and I was pretty close to tears and shaking some
[13:30] murreki_kitfoxie: Kai was holding onto me and comforting me
[13:30] murreki_kitfoxie: Finally he went up, saw that you made yourself a spot .. and came down and told me
[13:30] murreki_kitfoxie: I didnt really give half a shit anymore if a dinosaur was sleeping with us, I just wanted to lay down and sleep
[13:31] murreki_kitfoxie: so we did
[13:31] murreki_kitfoxie: Now .. with Pup the next day .. I had no say in that
[13:31] murreki_kitfoxie: What he did was rather fucking retarded
[13:33] murreki_kitfoxie: I didnt however, answer your question .. the reason I like Kai is rather difficult to explain .. I see something in him, more than Ive seen in ANYONE .. Things change when we're together .. hes slightly bitter when hes alone and his parents arent much help either .. when we're together, the world doesnt exist .. every unhappy moment disappears and the rage that I used to have just ceases .. We just..bonded .. we also have devastatingly similar pasts
[13:33] murreki_kitfoxie: because his ex is almost exactly the same as AJ, and the SAME EXACT thing happenedto him
[13:34] murreki_kitfoxie: later on he asked me about it and I started to tell him and we both ended up just bawling on eachother talking about how fucked up our ex's were
[13:34] murreki_kitfoxie: I later on met his ex and I can see where he was decieving, but you would have had to know all sides before even being able to imagine such a person could be so two-faced
[13:35] dioxyribose2003: This sounds hauntingly familiar. You were mates with AJ because you shared something that I don't understand.
[13:36] murreki_kitfoxie: Yea .. the difference between AJ and Kai is
[13:36] murreki_kitfoxie: AJ was a psychopath .. he still is
[13:36] dioxyribose2003: Every babyfur is a psychopath!
[13:36] murreki_kitfoxie: No..nearly every babyfur is emo x.x
[13:36] murreki_kitfoxie: He was in debt to Alan, and still is .. and also lies and cheats to get his way
[13:36] murreki_kitfoxie: this is something you didnt know ... what Im about to tell you
[13:37] murreki_kitfoxie: AJ when he still lived in GA, actually called my mom up (I only found out this a few months ago) and cried to her .. literally began crying, making up some situation that he needed to move
[13:37] murreki_kitfoxie: We only found out later that his situation was so far fetched
[13:38] murreki_kitfoxie: He lies to get his way and get his life moving
[13:38] murreki_kitfoxie: His gran, lied and cheated her to get away from his parents
[13:38] murreki_kitfoxie: my parents, he lied to them profusely and wouldnt listen to ANYTHING they said, just to get away from his gran telling him to do the oh so difficult thing of leaving the computer and finding a job
[13:38] murreki_kitfoxie: Scott, a man in DE who liked AJ ..
[13:39] murreki_kitfoxie: Lied to him out the ass to get him to drive him to Texas to get away from me and my parents
[13:39] murreki_kitfoxie: Two lesbians he lived with for a time, got them to listen to him til he got his own apt.
[13:39] murreki_kitfoxie: then finally moved back to GA
[13:39] dioxyribose2003: I don't see why it's low that I burned his plushie then. I always knew he was a bad person, just like Alan. It's why I did the best I could to get close to him, to get his trust, so that I could better protect you.
[13:40] murreki_kitfoxie: Alan isnt that bad of a person really
[13:40] murreki_kitfoxie: I dun care if you burned his plushie anymore
[13:40] murreki_kitfoxie: To be honest
[13:40] dioxyribose2003: Whatever.
[13:40] murreki_kitfoxie: I have a thing for plushies .. not the omgyiff thing
[13:40] murreki_kitfoxie: I just.. take to them :/
[13:40] murreki_kitfoxie: Its like murder XP
[13:40] murreki_kitfoxie: But..if it represented AJ .. I didnt really give a shit what happened to it
[13:41] dioxyribose2003: I didn't want to interfere with your relationship with him, but I lost a lot of time and peace of mind to keep an eye on him.
[13:41] murreki_kitfoxie: I knew him and I werent going to work out the night that a certain event happened online with him
[13:42] murreki_kitfoxie: This kid he knew online .. was like .. 14 or so .. genious AJ said .. and his father was an awful person to him
[13:43] murreki_kitfoxie: AJ loved this kid and all I was thinking was "I guess we're not meant if you dont even want me"
[13:43] murreki_kitfoxie: I never voiced it though
[13:43] murreki_kitfoxie: So one day..
[13:43] murreki_kitfoxie: this kid's friend sent a letter out to everyone saying that the kid committed suicide
[13:43] murreki_kitfoxie: I had to comfort this guy, he was bawling on my shoulder because his "Future boyfriend" killed himself
[13:44] dioxyribose2003: I think I remember something like that when I was stalking him in SL.
[13:44] murreki_kitfoxie: Fucked up part was .. now I knew this side of AJ ... and a week or so later the kid comes online apologizing that his death was a false event
[13:44] murreki_kitfoxie: I told AJ I doubted the kid killed himself .. and he wouldnt listen
[13:44] murreki_kitfoxie: turns out I was right
[13:44] murreki_kitfoxie: But Heaven knows .. he wouldnt listen to me for anything, he just wanted out
[13:47] dioxyribose2003: So what did you see in him? Did you see through the lies right away and decide to give him a chance, strip him of his armor? Or did he totally play you for a fool, and when he made his escape plan, you could only think "what just happened?"
[13:48] murreki_kitfoxie: It was both believe it or not .. I saw he might be an issue later on, but I did what he did to me; I tried to change him ..
[13:48] murreki_kitfoxie: He did however fuck me over badly and I was sat there alone, thinking "WTF" ..
[13:48] murreki_kitfoxie: brb in a moment
[13:48] dioxyribose2003: But you weren't alone.
[13:50] murreki_kitfoxie: Back .. and I meant physically alone .. I did have you and a few others online .. but no one to really hold me at that intense moment when I saw some 275lb stranger cart my ex away to TX
[13:51] murreki_kitfoxie: And what the hell could Raven Welesa want with IMing me on SL X.x?
[13:51] murreki_kitfoxie: *checks email* -.-;
[13:51] dioxyribose2003: I was there the week before, and I believe I was there the week after
[13:52] murreki_kitfoxie: Yes .. but not the minute he left .. I was just .. in a mix of emotions
[13:52] murreki_kitfoxie: He was gone .. his controlling bullshit was over .. but he WAS my mate..
[13:52] murreki_kitfoxie: and now hes gone
[13:52] murreki_kitfoxie: how to feel? x.x
[13:53] dioxyribose2003: How do you think I felt when I lost the car? When I knew that I had given up a great opportunity to branch out, and I was stranded, and my parents were sure to be pissed and, worse, disappointed?
[13:53] dioxyribose2003: I needed a friend. The first person I called was you, to see if you would help me out. Then I called my dad for advice.
[13:54] murreki_kitfoxie: *Nods*
[13:54] murreki_kitfoxie: And Kai and I were right there when we heard
[13:55] dioxyribose2003: I was determined to take the back seat of the situation, to make sure that my sudden arrival wouldn't be a burden to your fun weekend.
[13:56] dioxyribose2003: What I didn't realize at the time was that I needed you more than I thought I did, and all the time I spent brooding to myself, kicking the trees, only cemented the idea that you didn't care as long as I was alright at the moment.
[13:56] dioxyribose2003: Like when I went to the couch after a restless night in the hotel with Alan.
[13:56] murreki_kitfoxie: I just wanted to let you alone .. when I used to beat the crap out of random things that couldnt fight back, I always want to be left alone
[13:58] dioxyribose2003: I know better. When somebody wants to be alone like that, what they need is somebody to take charge and comfort them, and sometimes to firmly say exactly how it is.
[13:59] dioxyribose2003: I was so miserable, and you were just there. Always in reach, but I didn't want to be the one to reach out at such a time.
[13:59] murreki_kitfoxie: *nods* ..
[14:01] dioxyribose2003: You were the other me, remember. You were supposed to be my mate, and at the very least, my best friend. You were the one most qualified to help me through, and in the end you hesitated.
[14:02] dioxyribose2003: But that only described the first part of the evening. On the way back to Lilpup's place, I started to open up again, and the situation changed.
[14:04] dioxyribose2003: I already saw that you were having a blast with Kai, that you possibly saw something in him. I was painfully aware that I knew nothing about him, or how long you've known him. And in the concern for your well-being over all else, I realized that I might be worthless to you, that I'd be a barrier to your happiness so long as you stayed my mate.
[14:04] murreki_kitfoxie: Well you werent worthless to me
[14:05] dioxyribose2003: A series of bad coincidences led up to this. I saw it coming, but you didn't. And in a confused state, I was helpless to make it right again.
[14:06] dioxyribose2003: In addition to that, the main topic of the month had been the one-sidedness of the relationship, that I felt you weren't putting any effort into it anyways. So the idea was already in place, and what I saw throughout the weekend helped it along.
[14:09] dioxyribose2003: When I dragged the futon up the stairs, I had already lost faith in you. I couldn't trust that you would stay loyal to me.
[14:09] murreki_kitfoxie: I thought so..
[14:10] dioxyribose2003: And I wasn't wrong either. You did want to be mates with Kai, even if you weren't going to celebrate the union that night.
[14:18] dioxyribose2003: All that...we went through all of that, and I will tell you plainly to your face. You chose him over me. You didn't know what was at stake, didn't know that I would go away, forbid you from so much as speaking to me. You didn't know that it would fatally wound our friendship. I didn't know either, until I broke down at the entrance of the apartment complex. But the fact remains that you threatened our friendship by effectively telling me that you didn't love me.
[14:18] murreki_kitfoxie: I love you as a friend .. I did tell you that
[14:19] dioxyribose2003: You said that you wanted to be friends.
[14:19] dioxyribose2003: You knew that my one desire was to be with you.
[14:19] murreki_kitfoxie: I know..
[14:20] dioxyribose2003: You dumped me for him.
[14:21] dioxyribose2003: But not in the same way that I dumped Justine for you. I am monogamous, and neither she nor I could accept having multiple lovers. You are polyamorous, and yet you chose not to love me anyways.
[14:21] dioxyribose2003: or rather, you chose to tell me that you didn't.
[14:22] murreki_kitfoxie: Well Im not that way anymore .. I wont lie that I would rather sleep around .. but I wont anymore
[14:24] dioxyribose2003: What does that mean to me? So you admit that it was so, and insist that that was the old you. It doesn't change the fact that as a friend, you drove red-hot spikes through my heart.
[14:24] dioxyribose2003: or were they cold?
[14:24] murreki_kitfoxie: o.o
[14:24] dioxyribose2003: I don't remember anymore.
[14:25] dioxyribose2003: No, it was definitely cold. But I remember the burning heat that came from it like nothing else.
[14:27] dioxyribose2003: It's what enabled me to move on. We can't ever be mates again. But I forgive anyone if they show they have learned.
[14:28] dioxyribose2003: So. Say that we're friends again, but I still hate you with a passion. What would you do then?
[14:28] murreki_kitfoxie: o.o .. Didnt you already ask that? <_<
[14:29] dioxyribose2003: The situation changed. I require a new answer.
[14:29] murreki_kitfoxie: o.o .. Well I guess I'd try to make you see that Ive changed for the better and Im not like I was before and that we can be friends again >.>
[14:30] dioxyribose2003: Ah, you finally have a desire to prove something.
[14:31] dioxyribose2003: Do you think it's worth it? Is my friendship worth the effort necessary to get past my irrational, rational, loathing?
[14:31] murreki_kitfoxie: I would think so
[14:35] dioxyribose2003: Why?
[14:36] murreki_kitfoxie: Why not? I told you before I cherish my friends .. why should I not want you back as one? Im trying to be positive but you cant stop focusing on the negative @_@
[14:37] dioxyribose2003: You shouldn't have to try. I have to act negative sometimes because my natural inclination is to be positive.
[14:38] dioxyribose2003: I can't forget how you hurt me, and I've gotten so that I can live without you. But you want to be friends again. So I'll give you the chance, but I'm going to be even more guarded and hostile than I was BEFORE the breakup. And those were tough times already.
[14:38] dioxyribose2003: Maybe it'll give you a chance to test out your newly-acquired maturity.
[17:51] *** "murreki_kitfoxie" signed off at Fri Apr 27 17:51:07 2007.
[18:43] *** You have been disconnected. Fri Apr 27 18:43:06 2007.
Session Close (murreki_kitfoxie): Fri Apr 27 19:47:16 2007
Session Start (dioxyribose2003:murreki_kitfoxie): Wed Jun 13 12:27:04 2007
[12:28] dioxyribose2003: Your aversion to starting a conversation must come from a truly deep-set phobia. Either that or you never cared enough to overcome it for my sake.
[12:28] murreki_kitfoxie: o.0;
[12:29] murreki_kitfoxie: Erm, more along the line that I wasnt in my room and also I sorta figured you woulda IMd me first cause you re-re-added me to the buddylist thing 0.o
[12:29] murreki_kitfoxie: Why are you so consistently pessomistic toward me?
[12:31] dioxyribose2003: First, the reason I re-added you (if you indeed got a notification like that as early as last night) was because I realized it's been almost a year since our break-up, and I had a few choice thoughts.
[12:31] murreki_kitfoxie: Also Im rather nervous about messaging you because you just lately dont even want to talk to me, just yell at me
[12:31] murreki_kitfoxie: I got the notice this morning when I logged on at 10 ish
[12:32] dioxyribose2003: Hm. I thought once you accepted somebody they could take you off and re-add you freely. Whatever.
[12:32] murreki_kitfoxie: *shrugs*
[12:34] dioxyribose2003: The point is, if you actually wanted to be my friend again, you would grow more anxious over time that we haven't talked yet, and eventually that would be enough to let you make the first move, for fear I would slip away entirely.
[12:34] dioxyribose2003: Either you're lying to yourself and me, or you don't work that way.
[12:34] murreki_kitfoxie: Oh dont think I havent thought about it
[12:35] murreki_kitfoxie: But I dont enjoy being yelled at or talked at all pissy from my friends
[12:35] murreki_kitfoxie: I want to talk to you, I want to be friends like it was before all this bullshit happened
[12:35] murreki_kitfoxie: I just dont want to go through all this negativity BS
[12:36] murreki_kitfoxie: I got enough shit going on offline, then I come online and I got about 5 times the crap
[12:36] dioxyribose2003: You'll have to. I can't truly be your friend again until I've judged you again. That's the consequence of your actions from a long time ago.
[12:37] murreki_kitfoxie: Well thats your choice then. So I'll endure it I suppose, if thats what it takes to end this pointless drama ..
[12:40] dioxyribose2003: It's far from pointless. I would be lying to myself if I said some part of me still didn't love you. If I so much as touched you, I might relapse into blind love yet again, despite my best attempts to keep distance (which I prefer not to do anyways, since my friends are the greatest thing in the universe to me and deserve my loyalty.) You have to convince me that you aren't the same scum who took my heart and danced away with it.
[12:41] murreki_kitfoxie: I guess you wont take my word then eh?
[12:41] dioxyribose2003: So far the only words I can get out of you have been prompted.
[12:41] murreki_kitfoxie: Er. k..
[12:42] murreki_kitfoxie: Well, Im not exactly sure how I can convince you online, you'd only half believe me, if that.
[12:42] dioxyribose2003: So come up here.
[12:43] murreki_kitfoxie: Workin on it
[12:43] murreki_kitfoxie: I just got employed, fuckin finally, yesterday at Best Buy ^^
[12:43] dioxyribose2003: congrats
[12:43] murreki_kitfoxie: Thanks n.n
[12:43] murreki_kitfoxie: I was so close to having to work at walmart; I wanted BB so much, but when they didnt call me back, and Walmart called in for an interview, I wouldnt turn em down
[12:44] murreki_kitfoxie: Then walmart didnt call me back, and BB called me in for a final interview and hired me on the spot :D
[12:51] murreki_kitfoxie: So .. yah <.< *keeps the conversation going to try to show you he still wants to talk* o.o
[12:52] dioxyribose2003: Heh. I see you've never dealt with awkward silences either.
[12:52] murreki_kitfoxie: hehe .. not usually ^_^;
[12:55] dioxyribose2003: The reason I'm focusing now on such a specific issue (your inability to start a conversation) is quite consistent with how I acted in the past. Many times I would ask you questions, to probe and test a part of you so that I could understand you better. The difference here is that I'm not afraid to go too far, because I'm not so attached to you anymore.
[12:56] dioxyribose2003: And I felt that if you wanted me to become attached again, this was the best place to start, because you can't rely on me to get back to you all the time.
[12:57] murreki_kitfoxie: I just wanna be friends again, I dont want to be "Well we're friends, but Im going to be watching your performance for the rest of our friendship to see if you're changing slightly any so I can interogate you to see if you're worth it..." :/
[12:59] dioxyribose2003: Don't be naïve. You may have seen friends walk away from you, but surely you expected one to come back. Our bond was so strong that exactly that happened.
[13:00] dioxyribose2003: I spent all my energy forging that bond with you, then it was nearly hacked away. It's time you put in a little part of it yourself, that is, if you're up to the challenge.
[13:01] murreki_kitfoxie: Im up to the challenge if you assure me that its not going to be how I just described, where I have to have my wits about everytime Im talking to you, just in case you go all hyperactive on me, interogating me for my actions.
[13:02] dioxyribose2003: Time heals all wounds.
[13:02] murreki_kitfoxie: Yes it does
[13:04] murreki_kitfoxie: So how do you want me to do this? This rekindling of our friendship? Because its easy for you to understand that me saying Im sorry and just asking you to take my honest word for it wont be enough I know and theres not much I can do offline right now as I cant exactly just up and drive north
[13:05] dioxyribose2003: Since when does it have to be immediate? To this date you've never visited me since the pool party two years ago, except when you went to Harrisburg with AJ and Alan and I was still mad at you.
[13:06] dioxyribose2003: It's not like right now we have a great thing and it's stagnating. It's already crumpled and you can take as long as you want building it up.
[13:07] murreki_kitfoxie: Alright then. And Im sure you think that it would be easy for me to take a bus, then a train up to your place to see you .. however I didnt have money at the time, nor would I ask my parents because you know how I feel about asking people for money
[13:07] murreki_kitfoxie: Especially what happened with Alan
[13:09] dioxyribose2003: I never thought it would be easy. Every time I came down to meet you I lost half a day in travel and transfer, but I could deal with it because I had patience and love. It bites me that you had neither of enough to make the return trip.
[13:09] murreki_kitfoxie: I had the love to, but you really dont know how nervous and suspicious I was of people
[13:10] murreki_kitfoxie: I know you said you were fine and no one ever bugged you while you were on your trips
[13:10] murreki_kitfoxie: But I normally never got that luck
[13:16] dioxyribose2003: That's partly because you give off an aura of weakness and frailty. Once anybody picks up on that, they'll react with an aura of anxiety, and that makes you even more insecure. You just have to steel yourself against the world and not let anything bug you.
[13:17] murreki_kitfoxie: Notice how I said was
[13:17] dioxyribose2003: It's easy for me because I become whatever I believe, and if I go out with the idea that I love travelling, that exudes confidence enough to last.
[13:18] murreki_kitfoxie: I guess that helps when you go out with a tail, assuming that no matter how much enmity and weapons those blacks in the mall were carrying, they wouldnt hurt you for being different and acting upon what you enjoy and everyone else can fuck off basically
[13:19] murreki_kitfoxie: I wish I had your confidence
[13:22] dioxyribose2003: You have a different idea of people. Mass transit might surround you with a lot of people, but they're all trying to get somewhere, and it's not likely you'll be hassled. Especially since there are lots of witnesses.
[13:22] murreki_kitfoxie: Yea well my parents got a new car and it actually has air conditioning (The AC on the chevy died too..) So now I have the option to drive this new car if its like, just for a weekend as the truck still doesnt have AC ..
[13:23] murreki_kitfoxie: I just need the money to pay for gas and shit
[13:34] dioxyribose2003: I once heard a tale of a man
Who split himself in two.
The one part never changed at all;
The other grew and grew.
The changeless part was always true;
The growing part was always new.
I wondered, when the tale was through,
Which part was me, and which was you.
[13:35] murreki_kitfoxie: o.o
[13:37] murreki_kitfoxie: Not quite sure how to respond to that one <.<
[13:38] dioxyribose2003: heh
[13:38] murreki_kitfoxie: Nice proverb tho o.o
[13:38] dioxyribose2003: I'm not much for poetry, but sometimes they get me.
[13:39] murreki_kitfoxie: I love it ... just suck at writing it
[13:39] murreki_kitfoxie: AJ never did poetry for me .. :/
[13:39] murreki_kitfoxie: Course he was a self centered heartless pedofilic fuck..
[13:39] murreki_kitfoxie: But I dont talk like that <.<
[13:49] dioxyribose2003: how can you say such bad things about him and condemn me when I do the same with you? I don't even use "fuck" when describing people.
[13:50] murreki_kitfoxie: I have my reasons .. one would be he molested me. I gave no consent for him to do what he did and we werent even boyfriends at the time so what he did was not right
[13:50] dioxyribose2003: uh
[13:50] dioxyribose2003: maybe in your mind he wasn't. We've established that you have special definitions for mateship.
[13:51] murreki_kitfoxie: Im not even going to attempt explaining it to you.
[14:15] murreki_kitfoxie: So .. yeah.
[15:10] murreki_kitfoxie: <_< ... >_>
[15:10] dioxyribose2003: hm?
[15:11] murreki_kitfoxie: *shrugs* Just breaking the silence x.x
[15:11] murreki_kitfoxie: erm..
[15:11] murreki_kitfoxie: *hugs close* Im sorry for all the shit I caused..
[15:11] murreki_kitfoxie: I really am
[15:42] murreki_kitfoxie: *murfs*
[16:07] murreki_kitfoxie: More awkward silence <.< .. You okay?
[16:15] dioxyribose2003: sorry. I was out taking care of my tuition bill.
[16:15] murreki_kitfoxie: No problem
[16:16] murreki_kitfoxie: I was waiting on my friend to show up on Victoria Island .... noobs are so slow x.x
[16:16] murreki_kitfoxie: Was I that bad when I was a beginner? X.<;
[16:18] dioxyribose2003: yeah, I noticed your Basil account by chance. 39 already and still holding a Ryden?
[16:18] murreki_kitfoxie: Nope, do a Rank Search for me at the official website
[16:18] murreki_kitfoxie: For some reason Basil wont update me
[16:18] murreki_kitfoxie: I fagged myself out X3
[16:19] murreki_kitfoxie: I still question myself why I spent money on NX cash and bought flamer clothes, but its worth it ... Its the closest to furry I can get on MS :P
[16:21] murreki_kitfoxie: Ah I gotta pull the picture from the rank page before itll upload
[16:22] murreki_kitfoxie: Yay..uploaded .. *waits for approval* ._.
[16:25] murreki_kitfoxie: Sssoo...whats up? o.o
[16:29] dioxyribose2003: well, I'm about halfway through Twilight Princess
[16:30] murreki_kitfoxie: I watched Tigeris play a lil bit of that, looked sorta fun but I never got to try it
[16:30] murreki_kitfoxie: I got my life back before getting the chance to play XP
[16:30] murreki_kitfoxie: Thank god I moved x.x
[16:32] murreki_kitfoxie: Guh .. Im bored
[16:34] dioxyribose2003: dammit
[16:35] murreki_kitfoxie: o.o
[16:35] dioxyribose2003: I still can't get over how you said you wanted to be mates, and then said we actually weren't after the fact.
[16:36] dioxyribose2003: so it's like the three months I had with you were more like a grace period in your life.
[16:36] murreki_kitfoxie: Not a grace period ..
[16:36] murreki_kitfoxie: It was nice having you come down :/
[16:37] dioxyribose2003: I was always coming down...even before that...
[16:37] murreki_kitfoxie: Yeah
[16:37] dioxyribose2003: Until the Halloween incident, I've been pretty consistent with my visits.
[16:38] murreki_kitfoxie: I know
[16:38] dioxyribose2003: or are you saying you miss me? I thought we were still talking about the three months.
[16:39] murreki_kitfoxie: Well of course I miss you
[16:50] murreki_kitfoxie: v.v
[16:50] murreki_kitfoxie: So how long are you gunna stay thoroughly seethed at me?
[16:51] dioxyribose2003: I'm not mad anymore. I just don't care.
[16:52] murreki_kitfoxie: I noticed
[16:52] dioxyribose2003: hey, that's an improvement.
[16:52] murreki_kitfoxie: I suppose..
[17:12] murreki_kitfoxie: So yah..
[17:42] murreki_kitfoxie: Guess I said all I really can think of .. Dunno what to say o.o;
[19:44] dioxyribose2003: Warthogs are harder to ride than horses.
[19:44] murreki_kitfoxie: I know! @_@
[19:44] murreki_kitfoxie: Damn things ._.;
[19:45] murreki_kitfoxie: Im trying to download some stepmania songs and it just made my computer lag terribly, it like, stops completely once every 2 seconds -.-;
[19:45] murreki_kitfoxie: I loathe unsecure sites
[19:48] murreki_kitfoxie: brb -.-
[19:48] murreki_kitfoxie: Resetting this POS
[19:48] *** "murreki_kitfoxie" signed off at Wed Jun 13 19:48:54 2007.
[19:53] *** "murreki_kitfoxie" signed on at Wed Jun 13 19:53:12 2007.
[19:57] murreki_kitfoxie: So..care to explain exactly how you know the difference between the riding of a warthog and the riding of a horse? :3
[20:00] dioxyribose2003: well in Zelda, a horse can turn rather well, stand up, and dash in short bursts. A warthog, on the other hand, lumbers about fatly, and can trample through obstacles, but only by going into a blind run until he crashes.
[20:01] murreki_kitfoxie: I prefer when he changes into a wolfie :3
[20:01] dioxyribose2003: (Link: http://img.4chan.org/b/res/29749443.html)http://img.4chan.org/b/res/29749443.html
[20:03] murreki_kitfoxie: Ha
[20:06] murreki_kitfoxie: That was utterly disturbing X3
[20:06] murreki_kitfoxie: *fapfapfap* >.>
[20:07] murreki_kitfoxie: (Link: http://www.doingitwrong.com/wrong/1878_pic31115.jpg)http://www.doingitwrong.com/wrong/1878_pic31115.jpg
[20:07] murreki_kitfoxie: <.<
[20:11] murreki_kitfoxie: (Link: http://www.doingitwrong.com/wrong/20070311-122657.jpg)http://www.doingitwrong.com/wrong/20070311-122657.jpg
[20:11] murreki_kitfoxie: X3
[20:11] dioxyribose2003: I think I went through all of them
[20:11] murreki_kitfoxie: You sent me a link .. and got me started X3
[20:12] dioxyribose2003: and I think that because for about 200 refreshes they were all new and then every one after that was random and old
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: Thers 330 I think
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: *checked source code* :3
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: And my hope for the furry fandom has officially died
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: [20:12] saellis80: I gettin bored need to find something to do
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: fap
[20:12] saellis80: huh
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: ...
[20:12] murreki_kitfoxie: jack off
[20:13] dioxyribose2003: (Link: http://popmusic.ytmnd.com/)http://popmusic.ytmnd.com/
[20:14] murreki_kitfoxie: o.o
[20:14] murreki_kitfoxie: Heh
[20:14] murreki_kitfoxie: neat
[20:16] murreki_kitfoxie: Didja see the one with the hampster running around in that lil runnywheel thing, then get launched out of it cause he tripped? X3
[20:16] dioxyribose2003: I saw all of them...
[20:16] murreki_kitfoxie: But you said you saw like 200 .. and theres 330 some ^^
[20:17] murreki_kitfoxie: *plays that one over and over again, chortling* :D
[20:17] dioxyribose2003: it's not like I counted how many times I went F5
[20:17] murreki_kitfoxie: :P
[20:19] murreki_kitfoxie: Im bored x.x
[20:22] murreki_kitfoxie: *wonders if maple story is up yet* x.x
[20:25] murreki_kitfoxie: Damnit -.-
[20:25] murreki_kitfoxie: its not >_<
[20:25] murreki_kitfoxie: </3 Nexon
[20:27] murreki_kitfoxie: (Link: http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z100/Murreki/murr_badge.jpg)http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z100/Murreki/murr_badge.jpg ^_^
[20:27] dioxyribose2003: so many commissions
[20:28] murreki_kitfoxie: Yups
[20:28] murreki_kitfoxie: Got that one for half price X3
[20:28] murreki_kitfoxie: <3 Jade
[20:28] murreki_kitfoxie: Its so cute ^^
[20:31] dioxyribose2003: why do you buy so much art?
[20:31] murreki_kitfoxie: I dont
[20:31] murreki_kitfoxie: Jade normally just draws it for me
[20:31] murreki_kitfoxie: I only pay for it like, 1/4 the time
[20:31] murreki_kitfoxie: Only time I have to pay is if I tell him what to draw
[20:31] murreki_kitfoxie: He draws his friends when hes bored at work and has finished up his work
[20:32] dioxyribose2003: what about Marci and everyone else?
[20:32] murreki_kitfoxie: I only buy from Marci and Jade
[20:32] murreki_kitfoxie: And Further Confusion was the LAST badge I'll ever buy from her
[20:32] murreki_kitfoxie: She wants 30$ for a regular badge, 35 if its got more detail in it
[20:33] murreki_kitfoxie: Thats too .. WAY too fucking much for a 3 x 5 badge that has like, no detail
[20:33] murreki_kitfoxie: yet Jade's are normally 20$ for SOOO much detail and he isnt cookiecutter
[20:33] murreki_kitfoxie: Was an insult then as well...
[20:33] murreki_kitfoxie: She did my badge, spelled "Mureki"
[20:33] murreki_kitfoxie: I pointed this out..she gasped, but didnt redo it like she normally does
[20:34] murreki_kitfoxie: so..whatever
[20:36] murreki_kitfoxie: Again ... <3 Jade :P
[20:38] *** You have been disconnected. Wed Jun 13 20:38:00 2007.
[20:38] *** "murreki_kitfoxie" signed on at Wed Jun 13 20:38:02 2007.
[20:38] murreki_kitfoxie: You still playin Zelda? o.o
[20:48] murreki_kitfoxie: <.<
[20:56] murreki_kitfoxie: *pokes muchly and stuff*
[21:12] murreki_kitfoxie: O..kay..I gotta go for a lil .. I'll be back in a while if you see this o.o
[22:02] murreki_kitfoxie: I gtg .. Im not feeling too well
[22:02] murreki_kitfoxie: *hugs* nite
[22:02] dioxyribose2003: night
[22:02] murreki_kitfoxie: I am currently away from the computer.
[22:02] *** "murreki_kitfoxie" signed off at Wed Jun 13 22:02:35 2007.