random shizzles

Rules for Driving in Palestine, TX:

First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is PAL'-UH-STEEN or PAL-UH-STEEN'. Not PAL-UH-STYNE'. Pronouncing it as if it's a Middle Eastern country will get you labeled "tourist" and you will be treated as such.

Those people you see walking the streets with buggies are "pedestrians". Even though they probably shouldn't be walking so close to traffic, please do not hit them.

Wal-Mart buggies, by themselves, are considered "pedestrians", also. If you see one of these rolling down the parking lot, you are to give it the right of way. Unless it is heading out into the loop. Then you have the right to gently push it back up the hill.

Potholes are an accepted inconvenience. You may run across several of these in the town. Be comforted, however, that they will eventually seem to be taken care of. But in actuality, they've just moved to another street. And, yes... you WILL find them again.

If, for some reason, you need directions in Palestine after 10PM on any given night just go through the Palestine Plaza (easily located on the south side of the loop). There should be several knowledgeable teen-agers hanging about with nothing but time on their hands.

Turn lanes are used by about half the population. The other half just stop and turn in whatever lane they're in when they reach their destination. Be cautious about following too closely behind others, especially on Crockett Road.

The rush hours generally last about ten minutes in town. If you are heading to or from Tucker during shift change at the Wal-Mart Warehouse, add one hour to your travel time.

Big trucks have the right of way. If you see one jack-knifing or rolling sideways down the road do not stop and stare. Move out of the way! This is only a natural occurrence and remember: they are trained professionals.

It is okay to jump out into busy traffic just to turn ONLY if you are trying to get in line at the Donut Palace. (Unless you're cutting in front of a cop.)

If you get lost on the loop and you call someone for help, just mention the church that's closest to you.

Signals are only used if there's a cop around. If you see someone else using their signal, they either have a radar or they are a tourist.

Do not drink and drive. If you are driving and you absolutely must drink, pull over. Then drink your beer. After you are finished, toss the can into the bed of your truck and resume driving. If you do not feel like you can drive, take the keys out of the ignition, roll up the windows, lock the doors and go to sleep.

The speed of a vehicle is directly related to the quality of it's bass system. The louder the bass, the slower the vehicle. Doesn't matter if it rattles or not... This is Palestine.

There are a few one-way streets in town. Generally they're in the older part of town. If you see a car coming straight towards you, you are probably going the wrong way. This becomes a bit more confusing with Sycamore Street, which is a two-way, then a one-way and then a two-way again.

If you hear gunshots, keep driving.

That lost looking girl walking down the street in the middle of the night is not lost. And no matter where you give her a ride to, she will undoubtedly end up right back where you picked her up from. And needing another ride.

If you're at the bar, "Last Call" means start heading out. The cops hanging around outside know that the real drunks are the last to go.

Shotguns are not ornamental.

Be prepared to be paranoid if you are the only vehicle on the road and there's a cop around. You may not be doing anything wrong, haven't drank a drop, registration and inspection stickers both are good and you may have just come from church... but that cop is gonna follow you until he gets bored. Or until you forget to use your blinker because you're paranoid...

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers ... and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas ...