It's been a long time since I posted a philosophical rant. The clan was founded around the rants of myself and the other founders. Most were dreams and goals of a better world. This rant is more of the harsh reality of life.
Over the two years of TRL I have learned a lot about life, people and myself. Some of these lessons are invaluable. The current lesson I am learning is that Loyalty is an Illusion. I don't mean loyalty to me, I mean to the idea that is TRL. And yeah, maybe I expected some loyalty from those who I considered "friend". There are a few here, that no matter how much I abuse them remain loyal. They believe in the ideal of TRL. There are many more to whom I have been kind to and do not remain.
Early on in TRL I had everything mapped out. I spent over a year writing my ideals and planning my actions. The start of TRL was no whim. Some of the games I played and the direction I pushed the clan were part of my larger plan. Even the Revolution was pre-planned. Part of this plan was, we would have a base of steady members. People who were here from the start or lived through our milestones. People who established and maintained our culture of beliefs. New members could grow to such positions of honor and respect within the clan. Our members would help guide our new people, not just in the TRL way of life, but perhaps create a better world inside RS. Thus is the grandiose nature of my fantasies. It is the disrespect or the devaluation of the Ideal of TRL that I didn't anticipate.
Tonight I stumbled into a chatroom that contained All TRL members. Names I recognize as past and current members. Then I learn that this is a clan. This is the third time where people I consider friends have split off and made their own clan. Taking TRL people with them. There have been many additional cases of 1 or 2 steady members going off to join some other exclusive clan. I stand by everything I have written in the past about Multi-Clanning. Preventing it is foolish and unenforceable. But it is another example of the failure of my ideals. People seem to prefer to be subject to the stupid rules.
I expected Real Life to over rule. Litch moved on to RL with his Girlfriend. Boycott had to focus on his studies. This is natural. My feelings are hurt when I learn someone has left the clan, but remained in the RS world. I understand the vagaries of human nature. Nothing is permanent especially at our age. Change and variation are needed. Conflict and turmoil is not fun (for most). Calm camaraderie is desirable. It is the nature of people who are not leaders to follow into what they perceive as a better place. Only the idealist, the leader or teacher or just the strong willed remain behind. Remain for the challenge, the sense of accomplishment or whatever motivates them.
Because of our ideal of accepting all people. We get all the inexperienced, the morons and offensive people mixed with the occasional quality person. We deal with the hassles, weed out the problems. Eventually the quality people stand out. Only to be lured away to a hidden chatroom or clan.
Problem is.. the steady and calm people, the mature clan mates, the calm camaraderie is bled off by all of the divisions. Steady members go away leaving behind the offensive, new and inexperienced. NO one remains to set an example or present a calm base. This gives the impression that TRL is nothing more than a hysterical rabble of noobs behaving badly.
It also bleeds off our history.
There is no one left that helped grow TRL. Very few have lived the past two years. There is no sense of history or culture. Because there is no one around to help live it. I was counting on culture, clan history to be a guiding feature of the clan. Where the ideal of TRL was just kind of "there" for the new members to feel. We are a lost civilization where history is only documented in words.
This is one of the big flaws in my overall plan. To think that people would be loyal and stick around. That the calm and mature clan mates would out number the new and hysterical. Causing a balance. The reality has been, people come here long enough to learn the ways of things, find like minded people and leave. They go away to create their own hidden world leaving behind the undesirables.
I have been bitter and mean for the last few months. The combination of things: Being one of the few to stick around and keep the ideals of TRL alive and the constant turmoil caused by what I have described in this rant. The thing I am having the hardest time dealing with is... Having my feelings constantly hurt over and over. I didn't anticipate this in my bigger plan. I am reacting badly to it. I have never been one to make friends easily. Worse now is I avoid our new members for fear they will eventually hurt my feelings too. None of you really know me.
All of this is more than just a "vacation" can fix. The basis of TRL, my foundational ideas are a failure.
It is my belief in the ideals of TRL. It is my promise to all of you and to the members that have gone before you. It is these reasons that I remain.
I reaffirm this promise. To those of you who believe in the Ideal that is TRL. I will remain. Together we can find a way to make our Ideal work.
We have long passed the point where I planned the course of TRL. It is time for me to back off and get a new plan. To incorporate your advice and develop a new foundation. No games, no staged revolution. Just a thoughtful restructuring. Or, I may just run and hide.