Anonymous

Benvolio: Well, I’ll be!  Here comes the Capulets.
Mercutio: Psh.  Who cares?  I sure don’t.
Tybalt: Stay close to me, let me talk to them.
M: You want to talk to us?  Make it interesting.  Give it some punch.
T: Oh I will, just you let me.
M: Hah!  Fend for yourself, you need me to set up an insult to myself?  Loooooser.
T: Mercutio, you consort with Romeo!
M: Consort?  What are we, musicians?  That’s what you make us, looking to hear nothing but discords.  Oh look, here’s my fiddlestick.  Dance, dance, by God dance, we’re all just musicians to you!
B: Stop fighting in public, foo’!  If y’wanna fight, go to your own place or forget about it.  Just leave.  Here everyone watches.  I will fight you, Tybalt.
M: We’ve all got eyes, let ‘em look.  I’m not moving for you.  Make me.
[Romeo enters]
T: Hush up.  Romeo’s comin’, he’s the one I want to fight.
M: If Romeo ever goes to your side, I’ll kill myself.
T: Romeo, dude, the best I can say about you is that you’re an idiot.
R: Tybalt, I like youman, and you’ve got reason to be mad, but I’m not an idiot.  You don’t know me!
T: Boy, you’ve been annoying, and personal attacks will get you nowhere with me.
R: I never tried to hurt you.  I have full respect for the Capulets.
M: I hate you Romeo, you’re too soft.  [Draws his fiddlestick] Tybalt, you ratcatcher, make your move.
T: What do you want me to do?
M: King of Cats, all I want is one of your nine lives.   Then I’ll leave, and you can take your turn on me, and I’ll take care of the other eight.  Draw sword from sheath, it’s time to duel!
T: Hecks, yes it is!
R: Please don’t fight!
M: BRING IT ON!!!
[Fight]
[Still fighting while Romeo talks]
R: Benvolio!  Get in there and pull ‘em apart while I stand here watching!  Stop it you guuuuuuys!  [Flails madly with hands]  No fighting in the streets!  Tybalt!  Mercutio! Hold! [Jumps in between them, runs away]
[Tybalt stabs Mercutio under Romeo’s arms]
M: I’m hurt!  Curse your houses!  I’m wounded!  Where’s Tybalt?
B: Are you hurt?
M: ‘Tis but a flesh wound.  But (cough) it’s enough.  Fetch a servant or page to tend my wounds, quick!
R: Courage.  It’s not that bad.
M: It’s not that bad, no…it’s worse.  It will kill me, just you watch.  Curse your houses!  Gah!  I hate you all!  Played by the rules.  Ugh.  Why did you intervene, Romeo?  I was hurt because of you!
R: I didn’t mean anything wrong.
M: Benvolio, go get someone to tend to my wounds!  Bah, I hate you all!
[Mercutio and Benvolio exit]
R: It’s my fault Mercutio has been slain…my reputation is stained!  Juliet, you made me effeminate and got Mercutio killed!
[Benvolio re-enters]
B: Romeo, Mercutio just died.
R: This days fate depends on other people than us.
[Tybalt re-enters]
B: Here’s Tybalt again!
R: You’re alive, and my friend is dead.  To heck with peace, frustrated rage is what I have now.  So, Tybalt, will you take on this ‘idiot’?  Mercutio is dead, so either you or I, or both of us must accompany him.
T: You wretched boy, you talked to that fool, and I dealt with him. I’ll deal with you as well.
R: Oh yeah?
[They fight, Tybalt falls down]
B: Romeo, get away or they’ll see you’ve killed him, and arrest you!
R: Oh, I am the fool of fate.
B: Why are you still here?
[Romeo runs]