Something

alias penis {
  var %vp.d = $iif($right($gettok($dll(moo.dll,uptime,_),1,32),1) = d,$left($gettok($dll(moo.dll,uptime,_),1,32),-1),$iif($right($gettok($dll(moo.dll,uptime,_),2,32),1) = d,$calc($left($gettok($dll(moo.dll,uptime,_),2,32),-1) + 7* $left($gettok($dll(moo.dll,uptime,_),1,32),-1)),0))
  var %vp.mhz = $left($gettok($dll(moo.dll,cpuinfo,_),2,44),-3)
  var %vp.mem = $left($gettok($dll(moo.dll,meminfo,_),2,32),$calc($pos($gettok($dll(moo.dll,meminfo,_),2,32),$chr(47),1) -1))
  var %vp.disk = 0
  var %i = 99
  while %i <= 122 {
    if $disk($chr(%i) $+ $chr(58)) {
      if $disk($chr($calc(%i - 32))).type = fixed {
        %vp.disk = %vp.disk + $disk($chr($calc(%i - 32))).size
      }
    }
    inc %i
  }
  say Virtual Penis: $round($calc((( %vp.d /10) + ( %vp.mhz /30) + ( %vp.mem /3) + ( %vp.disk /1024/1024/50/15) +70)/10),1) $+ cm
}