Yeah it's quite sad i think, but I don't know if anything can be done about
it. It seems like in every way life has pulled us in different directions,
and we've fallen victim to it. It would take a concerted effort on our parts
to keep up communication to stay involved in each others lives, but once
more there are other variables as you said that make that difficult. I am
ashamed to admit it, and have never imagined it this way, not ever for an
instant, but this is the current state of things. Sorry to be so dark in my
relpy, this is my general mood at the moment.
I don't think the way things are right now is inevitable. I think we we want
them to change we can make it so, but that's a long way away from the golden
years (I'm sure you know what I mean by that). I am very sad too. I often
ask myself how much all that we've shared actually mattered in the long run.
Of course in the moment there could not have been anything better for either
of us...but in the long runm what will remain of it?
You know I often remember one uneventful afternoon at your house on 101st
when we were having lunch in your kitchen and Max called to see if you
wanted to hang out. You twisted and turned and found a way out of it, and
then after hangin up with him you told me something that I have never
forgotten. You said that you couldn't really stand to be friends with him
anymore, but didn't want to turn your back on the long years of friendship
and common experience you'd shared, so you put up with him without any great
enthusiasm. I often ask myself if this is how you now view me.
Sorry for this, it probably is not what you wanted to hear on Sunday night,
or worse yet, Monday morning.