/**
*
* @title Garasu no Kantai
* @episode 20
* @stage Quality Check
* @author Zanejin/2006
*
*/
// Language
Original: 0:02:50.42 I've been thinking, ever since I talked to the Admiral,
0:02:53.95 on how to make everyone in the world ride my wind.
Suggested: 0:02:50.42 I've been thinking, ever since I talked to the Admiral,
0:02:53.95 about how to make everyone in the world ride my wind.
Comments: It's more colloquial to say "think about" than "think on".
Original: 0:03:01.85 It's simple.
0:03:03.43 It's something impossible to do on our own.
0:03:11.87 It's because we can't do it alone, that's why we're renegotiating with B.B, right?
Suggested: 0:03:01.85 Simple.
0:03:03.43 It's something that's impossible to do on our own.
0:03:11.87 It's because we can't do it alone that we're renegotiating with B.B, right?
Comments: To prevent the stream of four consecutive sentences that begin with "It's".
The sentence flows more smoothly with this change.
To improve sentence flow.
Original: 0:03:23.36 there's another guy that we have to ally ourselves with no matter what.
Suggested: 0:03:23.36 there's another guy we have to ally ourselves with, no matter what.
Comments: The "that" is not required here. The comma is to prevent the run-on feel of this rather long sentence.
Original: 0:03:29.34 The power of that guy who wanted to unite the world.
Suggested: 0:03:29.34 The power of the one who wanted to unite the world.
Comments: This is where the literal translation destroys sentence flow. "The one" helps make the sentence flow better, here.
Original: 0:03:39.87 That guy is indeed someone that pisses people off,
0:03:42.55 and to the People's Army, he is an enemy, but this is not the time to be saying that.
Suggested: 0:03:39.87 He is indeed someone who pisses people off,
0:03:42.55 and an enemy to the People's Army. But this isn't the time to be saying that.
Comments: It's smoother to say "He is", in this occasion. And according to the rules of proper English, "who" is to "him/her" as "that" is to "it". The guy is referring to a "him".
Even better, place everything that comes after "enemy" into a different sentence in its own subtitle slot. The contraction of "is not" is necessary to suit the character's lazy personality.
Original: 0:03:58.83 Oh my, sorry for disturbing.
Suggested: 0:03:58.83 Oh my, sorry for interrupting.
Comments: Better word choice :P .
Original: 0:04:17.18 Usually the ones that go on about their wild dreams are men.
Suggested: 0:04:17.18 Usually, the ones who go on about their wild dreams are men.
Comments: The dependent clause comes before the independent clause, so a comma is needed. And "Who" is to "him/her" as "that" is to "it".
Original: 0:04:21.13 Women are the ones that think from a realistic standpoint.{think was kind tc}
Suggested: 0:04:21.13 Women are the ones who think from a realistic standpoint.{think was kind tc}
Comments: "Who" is to "him/her" as "that" is to "it".
Original: 0:05:04.80 Well then, have a nice woman to woman talk.
Suggested: 0:05:04.80 Well then, have a nice woman-to-woman talk.
Comments: Better to join these with hyphens than to leave spaces.
Original: 0:05:23.37 But, can that be trusted?
Suggested: 0:05:23.37 But can that be trusted?
Comments: Comma is unnecessary, and may even disrupt sentence flow.
Original: 0:05:39.58 It's not worth making a commotion over it.
Suggested: 0:05:39.58 It's not worth making a commotion over.
Comments: The subject of this sentence has already been stated ("It's").
Original: 0:07:25.24 You should have felt it too, that guy's wind.
Suggested: 0:07:25.24 You should've felt it too, that guy's wind.
Comments: Smoother with the contraction.
Original: 0:07:46.01 Let drink lots together! {a lot sounded funny, think of a better word for insanely tho}
Suggested: 0:07:46.01 Let's drink lots together! {a lot sounded funny, think of a better word for insanely tho}
Comments: "Woman's institution".
Original: 0:08:16.31 B.B's guards drunk too much wine and have slacked in their security.
Suggested: 0:08:16.31 B.B's guards drank too much wine and have slacked in their security.
Comments: The past tense of "drink" is "drank". "Drunk" is the past participle (used with "has"/"have"/etc.).
Original: 0:09:50.67 Ah, Norbi you're around.
Suggested: 0:09:50.67 Ah, Norbi, you're around.
Comments: N/A
Original: 0:09:53.78 It's impossible. Eimelle is not here.
Suggested: 0:09:53.78 Impossible. Eimelle is not here.
OR
0:09:53.78 No can do. Eimelle is not here.
Comments: N/A
Original: 0:13:18.25 That is...
Suggested: 0:13:18.25 That's...
Comments: She's in a hurry to say what she has to say.
Original: 0:14:04.17 Yes. Once the operation successfully completes, I am going to hug my family with these hands that killed you.
Suggested: 0:13:18.25 Yes. Once the operation successfully completes, I'm going to hug my family with these hands that killed you.
Comments: The contraction is necessary in this rather long sentence; people generally leave syllables out in such cases.
Original: 0:14:13.91 Then, I ask you.
Suggested: 0:14:13.91 Then, I ask you:
Comments: N/A
Original: 0:14:16.13 In terms of results, which side is the one that contributed most towards the galaxy achieving peace?
Suggested: 0:14:16.13 In terms of results, which side has contributed most towards the galaxy achieving peace?
Comments: Reduction of the clutter of words in this sentence is benefitial.
Original: 0:18:31.14 I want to help but...
Suggested: 0:18:31.14 I want to help, but...
Comments: N/A
Original: 0:20:22.30 But, that isn't bad.
Suggested: 0:20:22.30 But that isn't a bad thing.
Comments: N/A
Original: 0:21:09.12 Come to the side of god...
Suggested: 0:21:09.12 Come to the side of God...
Comments: N/A
// Miscellaneous
Athrun's VA?!
GONZO makes everything awesome.
:3 Anamorphic MKV.