I identify as queer. It has nothing to do with the fact that I like girls (even though sometimes I do like girls). I don't think that's what makes me queer. I am into kink, but I don't know if that's what makes me queer. I don't know exactly why I identify with the word queer, but I definitely do. I have thought about it a lot and tried to come up with a definition of the word "queer" that makes sense to me, but I'm having trouble pinning it down. Yes, it has somewhat to do with sex, sexual orientation, but that's not ALL it is. Maybe it's just openness to untraditional sexuality and relationships.
Some things that might make someone "queer", in the way that I am thinking of it, would include being non-monogamous, kinky, non-heterosexual, non-cisgendered. I feel like anyone who has any of those attributes could identify as queer. Then I suppose the next question to ask is, could someone who is monogamous, not kinky, heterosexual, and cisgendered be queer? Someone pointed out cross-dressers as people who could be considered queer, so let's leave them out, too. My intuition tells me still yes. But I'm not sure why.
Who is this theoretical person that I am imagining that is queer, and yet is cisgendered, heterosexual, monogamous, kinkless, and does not cross-dress? For this person to be queer, it means that despite all of those things they still feel comfortable around a culture full of queer people. Josh says that we have to draw the line somewhere, so I suppose perhaps that is all that is there that covers queer. And all of those things have degrees, so I imagine to be queer you only have to be a little tiny bit of any one of those things to be queer, by my working definition.
Maybe "queer" is simply anyone who feels like they should be considered queer. Someone who feels that they do not fit into the society of traditional heteronormative culture and roles. Even if technically they follow all the "rules", they do so because that is simply their preference, but do not believe that following that set of "rules" should be considered the norm.
I know there are people out there who would be offended that I am stretching the term "queer" so much, because they feel it should be reserved for people who are persecuted for their preferences. There are also people who would take offense at me using the term "bisexual" to describe myself even though I've never dated a woman, or been seriously involved with one romantically. I do not, however, typically use the term "bisexual", because I feel it has too much baggage. Sometimes I use the term "heteroflexible", which would accurately describe my sexual orientation, I suppose. But I don't entirely feel like my sexual orientation can or should be pinned down by a single word, because I feel like a lot of it is left unexplored. I don't know exactly how I feel about dating women, because I've never dated one. There have been times in my life when I was more interested in women than I had been at other times. And in different circumstances (as in if I felt like I had a drop of sexuality in me at all, which I haven't felt in months, thanks to cancer and the medications used to treat it), I might explore my interest in women, or I might not. It depends on the opportunities that came up, the situations that came up... but I wouldn't actively go searching on OKCupid for dates with chicks.
But there's more than that. I am definitely cisgendered, but I feel like my gender is somewhat fluid as well. I don't consider myself to be polyamorous or monogamous, but, again, fluid, flexible about the type of relationship that is best suited to me and my personality. I'm pretty open to kink but I'm no lifestyler. I feel like I have some level of non-traditionalness to every single aspect of my sexuality, but nothing about it is so far from the norm that I have ever fit into a "group".
So, for this reason, I like the word "queer" to describe myself. I like "queer" better than I like "bisexual", "bicurious", "heteroflexible", "polyamorous", "straight", "cisgendered", or "kinky". To me, it is a word that simply means I don't feel comfortable defining myself with specific words but I am definitely of a non-traditional mindset when it comes to my personal sexuality.