There once was a great and vast land that was so named Vastius for it's vastness. Inside Vastius were three cities, Uropolis, Leonidas, and Degrassi. These cities had long ago found peace among their separate ideologies and lived in a greater communal but pluralist world. Outside of these cities there existed the Outlands. The Outlands were inhabited by all manner of beast and creature. There were the Polemistis, who were not unlike your common Orc. There were the Kondos, who had small figures and lived in caves and sub-terrannean dwellings. Most of all there were Elves, who were creatures of great stature that breathed fire and put fear into the hearts of men. The Outlands was very dangerous.
In the Outlands of Vastius there lived a man named Shepius. People like me and you can relate to Shepius because he was really dark and mysterious. If Shepius had internet back then, his dialogue would often consist of an ellipsis (...), because to be silent means that you're always deep in thought. Shepius was an introvert and very calm in all manner of dangers. When his mother died, he delivered a speech in her honor. That speech went as follows:
"..."
And then Shepius looked onward in contemplative silence. When the people gathered around Shepius at the end of his speech to congratulate him, he simply scoffed at their stupidity and lack of apathy. After high school, most people grew up and developed some form of optimism or appreciation for all things, Shepius held on to that teenage cynicism that we had all lost along the way. He was quite noble.
Shepius, from age 4, had been trained to be a swordsman/alchemist/philosopher/physicist/demographer/politician/playwright/demon slayer/lead guitarist for an alternative rock band (which he later quit because his bandmates were too simple minded)/mathmetician among many other things. But this was easy for Shepius, for he was not simply born but formed of the gods. Because of this, Shepius had no need for childish human desires.
Shepius had a lot of sex. Shepius was always desired by the women for his wittiness and mysterious nature, his handsomeness, as well as his really big weiner (a gift from the gods). Any girl that seemed out of reach to your common man was no arduous task for Shepius. They were drawn in by his obscurity, they would ask his name to which he would respond with, "..." to which the women would forthwith bed him. Women had never met pleasure akin to the likes of Shepius. However, when asked of his satisfaction, Shepius would only put forth a sacrilegious scoff.
Shepius rarely spoke of his dark and torturous past, but many legends preceded and pervaded before and with him. It was said that Shepius's father was an angry drunk. When Shepius was 14, he set out on his own to start a life away from all the turmoil of his early life. He was instantly beaten and mauled by many creatures and beasts. All of this he overcame with a solemn and somber diligence. Shepius never speaks of his dark past, but will scoff at you for not understanding the shaded corners of the world.
Shepius's hair was naturally raven black. No amount of body fat blemished his body. When Shepius entered a room, everyone noticed, but Shepius always found himself on the fringes of social gatherings. You see, Shepius hated people. So he always hung around their groups and games, mostly as a distant observer, in order to tortuously scoff at their foolishness and appreciate how much greater he was than them. This was what Shepius spent the majority of his day doing when he wasn't banging chicks.
One day, a mage came to the Outlands and started imprisoning people in a hypnotic and zombie-like state. Shepius did not care because caring was too mainstream at the time. Soon, Shepius found himself without that group of ignorant peasants to be superior to. "I suppose I'll free them," he thought. "Not because I feel any moral obligation or personal attachment, but because when the mage came here to take them, he insulted, the great Shepius, and I cannot stand for that." Shepius looked around to see if anyone heard his words of wise principle. No one was present. Shepius felt mournful that his wisdom had fallen like seeds to a rock garden. But that was okay, Shepius, like you and I, had been used to isolation from others. He rather admired it, but not too much. To enjoy too much would mean to be ignorant to misfortune.
When Shepius was on his way to free the people from the evil mage, he was accosted by the gods. They spoke in a booming voice telling Shepius that it was their will that the evil mage retain possession of the foolish humans. Shepius called the gods foolish and kept walking. They told him if he did not stop, there would be much penance, or even worse, in his future. Shepius accepted his fate with a mournful scoff. All of this happened to the sounds of Tool's "Sober"
To be continued...