Bradley Coleman
College and Career
May 4, 2011
I Will Wait
Tonight I’m really just going to be teaching instead of preaching. And this message is definitely for me as it is for you. So I hope you brought something to write on and something to write with because this is one of the most important topics concerning the college age person.
Relationships are huge in today’s ministry. Like for instance I listened to some missionaries from The Netherlands and all they talked about were relationships. Even Project Rescue emphasizes the importance of relationships when it comes to the process of freeing human trafficking victims. For instance, they build relationships with the brothel owners or the bad guys by offering them a daycare for their children, relationship builder there. If they eliminate the source for human trafficking it will result in many saved lives. They also build relationships with the government and police in hopes to bring true justice to this heinous activity. Of course, they also build relationships with the prostitutes in order to try to make the restoration process faster, it takes two years. Relationships are so big that our very salvation is based on it. For instance, Matthew 7:21
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”
I never knew you, or I never had a relationship with you. That really sums up how big relationships are to our God. Why wouldn’t they be? Our God in Himself is a relationship. Just look we have a community inside of God. We have the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit… Thus why in Genesis God says “let us make men in Our image”(Genesis 1:26) plural. Also why Christ said therefore Go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the “Father, Son, and Holy spirit.” This is the holy Trinity and basically what the Holy trinity is 3 eternal Persons or centers of consciousness in one divine essence or Being, known respectively as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
We were made for God, and we were made for one another, we know we are made for one another because when God saw Adam’s loneliness he made Eve. We were made to love and to be loved… People want to be loved! Thus why people go to the extreme to find love.. such as going to bars to find love or even going on dating websites… Relationships are very important to people because were made in the image of a relational God.
Jesus and the Father had a deep relationship as demonstrated in John 1:18 and Matthew 3:17
“No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the father”
“And a voice from Heaven said, “’This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.’”
The Holy Spirit was also very important to this relationship as Jesus trusted the Holy Spirit to carry on the plan as stated in John 16:7
“But very truly I tell you it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.”
When Christ died and rose he sent the Holy Spirit to carry on the plan for humanity and ultimately to make us witnesses of Christianity.
Now hopefully I established the importance of relationships in Christianity and there are many types of relationships that are important like our relationship with God, Our relationship with the body of Christ, our relationship with the lost and dying world, but tonight we are going to be talking about our relationship with our future spouse.
So I am 21 and single! This literary scares the living daylights out of me because I am going into ministry and I’d really like to have someone go through the trials with me so I have someone to help me through them. So I start to look at myself in the mirror and look at the flaws that I have. And I wonder what is wrong with me? Am I not physically attractive enough? Am I not tall enough? Is my personality not fun enough? What’s wrong? And I believe there are people here that are doing the same exact thing. If you’re a girl you might ask why doesn’t he notice me, am I not pretty enough? Am I not fun enough? And I find that Satan is sooo good at making us degrade our own image because by degrading our own image we degrade God’s image. Remember Genesis 1:26? Let us make men in Our image. Why wouldn’t Satan want you to degrade God’s image?! So never degrade your own image because you are fearfully and wonderfully made!
I’m going to give some quick advice before getting into the 5 points I have for you guys and one of them is to pray for your future spouse. I encourage you to pray for your future spouse. You may wonder well is it really important to God enough to pray for. The answer is YES! It is so important, one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. Do you realize how many ministries that have been destroyed because of divorce? Divorce can really shake someone’s faith also. This is huge! And it is huge to God! The thing is, is divorce can be prevented, it doesn’t have to be.
"In the churches, people have a superstitious view that Christianity will keep them from divorce, but they are subject to the same problems as everyone else, and they include a lack of relationship skills. ...Just being born again is not a rabbit's foot." - Donald Hughes
Another pointer I’d give is to never put your identity in something that you can lose. One day you will look in the mirror and not know who you are without it. We have our identity in Christ, something that will never go away.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” - Romans 12:1-2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world. What does this world say about dating? It says to date around until you find that perfect someone. It tells you to engage in physical relationship outside of marriage. And what happens is if we take the worlds advice we start to get into a pattern of worldliness. Were we date someone for a couple weeks, we get bored, and then break up, or break a commitment. We do this process over and over and its like were going in and out and in and out of a relationship. And essentially we are practicing divorce! As Christians we are called to be different. Since we serve the author of time we ought to let him perfect the timing of our future spouse.
What I love about God is he doesn’t just throw us into something unprepared. That’s why we must grow in him. If we grow in him we start to love like him. Why wouldn’t we want to love like the God who demonstrates the greatest love story ever? So we must be prepared and take the Wisdom of Solomon that says to not awaken love until it so desires. And of most importance is your relationship with God.
So let’s get to our 5 points:
1. Does He or She have a vibrant passionate walk with Christ
- Sometimes I will ask some people how is the person’s walk with God? They respond Oh he/she believes in God… Well so do the demons but we do not want you marrying a demon
- What makes you think that He will love you if he doesn’t really love God? And if he does truly love you more then he loves God, then what is that? Idolatry. I want for every one of you to marry a person who is totally and completely in love with Christ because I find that if we fall in love with Christ more then we start to love more like Christ and why wouldn’t you want that? Someone who loves like the author of love. You deserve the best, and the best is found in Christ.
- You notice that when we find someone that we are really interested in, we tend to spend as much time as possible with that person. We wish that time would just stand still when we are with that person, but it goes by so quick. When we spend time with God we usually just have a set time. We give God 15 minute’s tops of our day. Spending time with God should never be an obligation. Have a relationship with God that is done out of your passion for him. Also find the person who is very passionate about God.
2. How well do you know the person you’re interested in?
- Relationships with parents are huge. If a woman treats her dad really bad how do you think she is going to treat you? What if the man treats his mother like garbage how do you think she is going to treat you? Well it’s not the same! How is it not? You deserve someone who will treat you the way God intended. Someone who truly loves you. Do not settle for anyone less then God has for you. By settling you really show a lack of value for yourself. You deserve someone who truly loves you.
- If we want to really know what true love is let’s look at the cliché scripture of John 3:16
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
- For God so loved the world, The word loved here in Greek is Agape. If we look at Ephesians 5:25 it says “Husbands love your wives.” Now while writing this Paul could of used a variety of terms for the word love. There is a romantic form of love in Greek but instead he uses Agape. So the very same love that made God send his only son to die on the cross for the sins of the world is the same kind of caliber of love we ought to show our wives. You must know the person you are interested in.
- What Passions do they have? What drives them? What makes them tick?
“If there was more courting before marriages there would be less marriages in court.”
- Basically if there we would get to know the person more before marriages there would be more Godly relationships in the end. The way God intended it to be.
- Ladies be careful when it comes to really getting to know the person. Wait upon the one who truly means what he or she says about you because we can date people who give hallow compliments. And sometimes those compliments can be received hollow because that is the only reason why we are dating them. Just to make ourselves feel better. This is the wrong reason to date someone. Because can I tell you that guys are slime. How do I know? I use to be slime, I would tell a girl just how pretty she was for terrible motives.
- We date people because of the compliments they give sometimes. We start to get down on our appearance that we just want to be loved. So we settle for someone who just gives compliments and it makes us feel better, but how selfish is it to only date someone for the compliments they give? What does the bible say about the beauty of a girl?
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
- Outward beauty eventually fades. I mean we all age. Proverbs 31 tells us:
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”- Proverbs 31:30
- Beauty is fleeting. You see We do not choose to get older. You do not choose for your outward beauty to fade but you can chose for your character to fade and if you date slime, that’s what your character is bound to become. You see God only looks at our heart.
“People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
- Single Ladies wait for the man who respects you not only for your looks but also for your heart, why? Because you need a godly man and by godly I mean that someone who tries to be as much like God as possible and I’ve established that God only cares for your heart. When it comes to us what is the thing we are to guard the most?
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” – Proverbs 4:23
- Your heart is so important to God and I think about the failed relationships that I’ve had and the girls who’s hearts I’ve broken and I’m ashamed. Because the heart contains our character. And thus, why the failed relationships can sometimes result in a turning away from God.
- The bible makes it clear how we should treat each other.
“Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brother, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” – 1 Timothy 5:1-2
- This may freak you out to think you are going to date your brother are sister and I’m sure some of you are thinking, look Brad we’re not from Potosi but hear me out. You see by treating each other as brothers and sisters we respect each other and we are pure with each other. So ladies respect guys and be careful because guys can be dirt bags.
- Gentlemen do not give hollow compliments and respect women. Proverbs 31 says a woman with honor is worth more than rubies. As bible believing Christians we ought to treat them that way.
3. What are their convictions?
- When you get to know them, are their convictions the same as yours? If you do not know what their convictions are why don’t you find out in the beginning of the process of getting to know them. For instance, why don’t you ask them what their convictions are when it comes to a physical relationship? Because sometimes we have different standards and if we have different standards it can cause tension in the relationship. And it is so easier to set our standards lower to meet someone and do something we regret. So how far is too far??? There are two questions you need to ask yourself in order to find out
1. How far do you think your future spouse would want you to go into a relationship that may not potentially be your marriage relationship?
2. Reverse the roll. How far do you want your future mate to go before they get into a relationship with you?
- We need to look at other convictions. What do they laugh at? What serves as their entertainment? What kind of jokes do they tell? If there is a difference between convictions it is huge.
- Guys have convictions about how the person you’re interested in dresses.
“Modest is hottest”
- You might say man she’s always looking beautiful. She might be catching your eye but she is living a life that needs to be noticed, seen, and affirmed, which doesn’t just change overnight.
4. Are you attracted to them emotionally, physically, spiritually, and to their personality?
- Physical attraction isn’t everything but it is something. I don’t want you to leave this service saying oh man she is ugly as homemade soap but she loves the Lord! Some of you may have to be like me you pray that God will blind the girl until she wants to marry you. You see what you can’t do is have checklist of 150 qualities that is impossible for anyone to meet. Even if Jesus entered the room you ladies would be like “The beard, just can’t.” Use discernment and look at the complete picture
- There are some that say to wait on the one that you cannot live without. But I mean obviously you can. No I don’t want to date you and then you fall over dead no it doesn’t work that way thank God. But if you see that someone and you love the thought that they will be your future husband or wife it is ok to think I can live without her but I don’t want to.
5. What is your accountability plan?
- Surround yourself with accountability. Have multiple accountability partners making sure that the relationship you are in is pure. But during this process be transparent and honest. It may be hard, it may be difficult, it may be embarrassing and humiliating but it isn’t near as humiliating as committing a major sin in the future. Have accountability partners and be real. We are so fake to people and our relationships. Be real. What is the function of the body of Christ if isn’t to see you grow spiritually. And if you do this and you’re the one they are talking to make sure they tell you everything. Like “Are you sure everything is right with you and God? Are you sure? Before God are you sure? Because by not being a good accountability partner you can take some the blame for the sin. It is their choice. Don’t get me wrong but you can prevent it.
So I hope these 5 points have helped you and remember getting to know someone is not bad. So take a risk sometime. Go out for coffee, and just really get to know the person. I can’t stress out important knowing that person is. Because we as humans are good manipulators and have people believe we are who we say that we are when we are not.
In closing I’d like to end in a scripture in Psalms
“My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.” – Psalms 130:6
Let us not get impatient with God and settle for anything less than His will for our lives. His good, pleasing, and perfect will.