Array( [0] => I'm just waiting to be PICKED UP by some NUBILE TRUANTS! [1] => A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! [2] => Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! [3] => All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! [4] => Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? [5] => Am I elected yet? [6] => Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet? [7] => Am I SHOPLIFTING? [8] => An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! [9] => An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! [10] => And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! [11] => Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? [12] => Are we live or on tape? [13] => Are we on STRIKE yet? [14] => Are we THERE yet? [15] => Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! [16] => Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? [17] => As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! [18] => BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!! [19] => BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ... [20] => ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ... [21] => Bo Derek ruined my life! [22] => Boy, am I glad it's only 1971... [23] => But they went to MARS around 1953!! [24] => Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead? [25] => Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? [26] => Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! [27] => Could I have a drug overdose? [28] => Did I do an INCORRECT THING?? [29] => Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? [30] => Did I SELL OUT yet?? [31] => Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? [32] => Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy? [33] => DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? [34] => Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? [35] => Do I have a lifestyle yet? [36] => Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? [37] => Do you like "TENDER VITTLES"? [38] => does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? [39] => Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! [40] => Don't SANFORIZE me!! [41] => Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! [42] => Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! [43] => Either CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!! [44] => Everybody gets free BORSCHT! [45] => Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ... [46] => FEELINGS are cascading over me!!! [47] => for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! [48] => FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! [49] => Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ... [50] => Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! [51] => HAIR TONICS, please!! [52] => Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste! [53] => Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? [54] => ... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. [55] => HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! [56] => Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! [57] => Here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! [58] => Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment? [59] => Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ... [60] => HOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!! [61] => How do I get HOME? [62] => How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? [63] => How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? [64] => HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!! [65] => I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! [66] => I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. [67] => I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? [68] => I am NOT a nut.... [69] => I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! [70] => I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!! [71] => I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! [72] => I demand IMPUNITY! [73] => ... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. [74] => I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!! [75] => I feel ... JUGULAR ... [76] => I feel better about world problems now! [77] => I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! [78] => I feel partially hydrogenated! [79] => I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ... [80] => I had pancake makeup for brunch! [81] => I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD [82] => I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. [83] => I have accepted Provolone into my life! [84] => I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS.. [85] => ... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ... [86] => -- I have seen the FUN -- [87] => I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... [88] => I hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ... [89] => I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ... [90] => I invented skydiving in 1989! [91] => I joined scientology at a garage sale!! [92] => I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! [93] => I just had a NOSE JOB!! [94] => I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! [95] => I just remembered something about a TOAD! [96] => I Know A Joke [97] => I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!! [98] => I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! [99] => I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! [100] => I like your SNOOPY POSTER!! [101] => I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! [102] => I represent a sardine!! [103] => I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! [104] => ... I see TOILET SEATS ... [105] => I smell a RANCID CORN DOG! [106] => I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! [107] => I think I am an overnight sensation right now!! [108] => I think my career is ruined! [109] => ... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! [110] => I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!! [111] => I want a WESSON OIL lease!! [112] => I want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!! [113] => I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! [114] => I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! [115] => I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! [116] => I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! [117] => I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? [118] => I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!! [119] => I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight? [120] => I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- [121] => I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! [122] => I'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE -- [123] => I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! [124] => I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ... [125] => I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany [126] => I'm also against BODY-SURFING!! [127] => I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! [128] => I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! [129] => I'm definitely not in Omaha! [130] => I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! [131] => I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! [132] => I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! [133] => I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! [134] => I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! [135] => I'm having an emotional outburst!! [136] => I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! [137] => I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. [138] => I'm into SOFTWARE! [139] => I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! [140] => I'm not available for comment.. [141] => I'm rated PG-34!! [142] => I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! [143] => I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! [144] => I'm wearing PAMPERS!! [145] => I'm wet! I'm wild! [146] => I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ... [147] => I've read SEVEN MILLION books!! [148] => if it GLISTENS, gobble it!! [149] => If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! [150] => In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! [151] => Inside, I'm already SOBBING! [152] => Is it clean in other dimensions? [153] => Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN? [154] => Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"? [155] => Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? [156] => Is this TERMINAL fun? [157] => Isn't this my STOP?! [158] => It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! [159] => It's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!! [160] => It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. [161] => Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! [162] => Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ... [163] => LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! [164] => Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ... [165] => Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! [166] => Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! [167] => Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! [168] => Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! [169] => Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! [170] => Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- [171] => MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! [172] => MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! [173] => My EARS are GONE!! [174] => My haircut is totally traditional! [175] => MY income is ALL disposable! [176] => My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ... [177] => My life is a patio of fun! [178] => My mind is a potato field ... [179] => My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ... [180] => My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ... [181] => my NOSE is NUMB! [182] => My vaseline is RUNNING... [183] => NANCY!! Why is everything RED?! [184] => NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! [185] => Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! [186] => Now I am depressed ... [187] => Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"! [188] => Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! [189] => ... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! [190] => Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! [191] => Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! [192] => Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY?? [193] => One FISHWICH coming up!! [194] => over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ... [195] => PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? [196] => PIZZA!! [197] => Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!! [198] => Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! [199] => PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! [200] => Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! [201] => RELATIVES!! [202] => RHAPSODY in Glue! [203] => Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley? [204] => Sign my PETITION. [205] => So this is what it feels like to be potato salad [206] => TAILFINS!! ... click ... [207] => Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL [208] => Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!! [209] => The Korean War must have been fun. [210] => ... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! [211] => There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! [212] => These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! [213] => This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! [214] => ... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! [215] => This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! [216] => This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!! [217] => TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? [218] => Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS! [219] => Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!! [220] => UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! [221] => Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE! [222] => VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! [223] => Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! [224] => We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- [225] => We just joined the civil hair patrol! [226] => Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? [227] => What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? [228] => What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ... [229] => What PROGRAM are they watching? [230] => What UNIVERSE is this, please?? [231] => What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory? [232] => When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ... [233] => Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER? [234] => Where does it go when you flush? [235] => Where's SANDY DUNCAN? [236] => Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? [237] => Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! [238] => WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! [239] => Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? [240] => Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex? [241] => Will it improve my CASH FLOW? [242] => Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air? [243] => With YOU, I can be MYSELF ... We don't NEED Dan Rather ... [244] => World War III? No thanks! [245] => Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! [246] => Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"! [247] => You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!! [248] => You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA? [249] => YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!! [250] => You were s'posed to laugh! [251] => Yow! [252] => Yow! Am I having fun yet? [253] => Yow! Am I in Milwaukee? [254] => Yow! Are we laid back yet? [255] => Yow! Are we wet yet? [256] => Yow! Are you the self-frying president? [257] => Yow! I just went below the poverty line! [258] => Yow! I threw up on my window! [259] => Yow! I want my nose in lights! [260] => Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! [261] => Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! [262] => Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? [263] => Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? [264] => Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! [265] => Yow! Now we can become alcoholics! [266] => Yow! We're going to a new disco! [267] => YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! [268] => YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! [269] => YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! [270] => YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! [271] => YOW!!! I am having fun!!! [272] => Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ... [273] => Yow!! I'm trying to break Zippy!! [274] => 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest? [275] => 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. [276] => 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. [277] => A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. [278] => A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. [279] => A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. [280] => A closed mouth gathers no foot. [281] => A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. [282] => A day without sunshine is like, night. [283] => A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. [284] => A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. [285] => All generalizations are false, including this one. [286] => All men are idiots, and I married their King. [287] => Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. [288] => Always try to be modest and be proud of it! [289] => Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of. [290] => Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. [291] => Assassins do it from behind. [292] => Atheism is a non-prophet organization. [293] => Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. [294] => Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. [295] => Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. [296] => Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore. [297] => Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. [298] => Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. [299] => Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks [300] => Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back. [301] => Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! [302] => C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. [303] => Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. [304] => Chocolate: the OTHER major food group. [305] => Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. [306] => Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! [307] => Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass? [308] => Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy. [309] => Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? [310] => Death is hereditary. [311] => Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? [312] => Did anyone see my lost carrier? [313] => Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick. [314] => Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone. [315] => Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. [316] => Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. [317] => Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. [318] => Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. [319] => Double your drive space. Delete Windows! [320] => Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. [321] => Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. [322] => Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery. [323] => Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue. [324] => Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. [325] => Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? [326] => Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. [327] => Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. [328] => Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. [329] => Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. [330] => For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. [331] => For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. [332] => Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. [333] => Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. [334] => Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. [335] => Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. [336] => Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told. [337] => Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade! [338] => Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. [339] => Give me ambiguity or give me something else. [340] => Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. [341] => Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. [342] => He who laughs last thinks slowest. [343] => Honk if you love peace and quiet. [344] => Honk if you want to see my finger. [345] => How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? [346] => How does Teflon stick to the pan? [347] => How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand. [348] => I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. [349] => I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. [350] => I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. [351] => I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. [352] => I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. [353] => I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. [354] => I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. [355] => I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? [356] => I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. [357] => I took an IQ test and the results were negative. [358] => I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. [359] => I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. [360] => I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke. [361] => I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. [362] => I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. [363] => I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. [364] => I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. [365] => I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! [366] => I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. [367] => If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. [368] => If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. [369] => If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? [370] => If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. [371] => If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! [372] => If you can't convince them, confuse them. [373] => If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? [374] => If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you. [375] => If you haven't much education you must use your brain. [376] => If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it. [377] => If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. [378] => If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. [379] => IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. [380] => It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. [381] => It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. [382] => It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. [383] => It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. [384] => It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. [385] => Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. [386] => Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole. [387] => Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them. [388] => Keep honking. I'm reloading. [389] => Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. [390] => Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control. [391] => Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. [392] => Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. [393] => Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. [394] => Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. [395] => Montana: At least our cows are sane! [396] => More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed! [397] => Multitasking means screwing up several things at once. [398] => My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom. [399] => My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states. [400] => Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. [401] => Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. [402] => Never mess up an apology with an excuse. [403] => Never miss a good chance to shut up. [404] => Never test the depth of the water with both feet. [405] => Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. [406] => No one is listening until you make a mistake. [407] => Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW! [408] => Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check? [409] => On the other hand, you have different fingers. [410] => Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. [411] => Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. [412] => Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. [413] => Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow. [414] => Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. [415] => Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. [416] => Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. [417] => Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader. [418] => Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. [419] => Remember half the people you know are below average. [420] => Save the whales. Collect the whole set [421] => Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date! [422] => Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. [423] => Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. [424] => Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. [425] => Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. [426] => Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. [427] => Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle. [428] => Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. [429] => Success always occurs in private and failure in full view. [430] => Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! [431] => Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have. [432] => The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing. [433] => The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. [434] => The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. [435] => The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. [436] => The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire. [437] => The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. [438] => The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. [439] => The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. [440] => The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. [441] => The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER [442] => The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. [443] => The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. [444] => The shortest distance between two points is under construction. [445] => The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. [446] => The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel. [447] => There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. [448] => There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. [449] => There's too much blood in my caffeine system. [450] => Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. [451] => Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students. [452] => Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. [453] => Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. [454] => To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. [455] => To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. [456] => Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. [457] => Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship. [458] => Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear. [459] => We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart? [460] => We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse. [461] => Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! [462] => What happens if you get scared half to death twice? [463] => What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? [464] => What's the speed of dark? [465] => When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. [466] => When there's a will, I want to be in it. [467] => When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly. [468] => Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? [469] => Who stopped payment on my reality check? [470] => Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? [471] => Why is abbreviation such a long word? [472] => Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? [473] => Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. [474] => You are depriving some poor village of its idiot. [475] => You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word. [476] => You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. [477] => You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! [478] => Your gene pool could use a little chlorine. [479] => Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.)