Money have value <-- has
the youth just didn't think his shadow would worth more than ten gold pieces <-- be worth (heh, hm... worth isn't a verb, though I'm not sure if that's what the previous problems were)
Alright. <-- All right.
"Shall we gather once more in the midnight, the spirit hour, then?" <-- at midnight
Stop shallowly blaming vampires of everything and all <-- for everything
That happened during /the/ Golden Week.
It was so sublime that it seems like an event of distant past <-- the distant past
Yet, Hanekawa lost most her memory /at/ about /the/ Golden Week <-- of her [or did you actually mean she lost most of her memory around that time (as opposed to only those OF Golden Week)? (which is what the "at" makes it sound like) I don't see how she could still be class rep like that though ._.;;]
I'm out of shower. <-- the shower
I got a contempting eye, like at /a/ rotten trash <-- (or a piece of) contempting = contemptuous
The details vary, one thing is common that they steal weight from people <-- one thing in common is that
Its plan to gain God's disposition by showing off a spirit of self-sacrifice was so transparent, it's just miserable." <-- Did you really mean nature of God? (He doesn't have much power, but at least he's celestial.) More likely meant favor, though a synonym escapes me atm.
"Sigh, <-- this happened once earlier too, just wanted to ask if you're going to write them out like that instead of putting it in the tag (e.g. she sighed)
"You think my head is way bad off." <-- alternatives to "way bad off" (awkward)
"So, don't come within the twenty thousand kilometre radius<- the = a