alias epenis {
; Set current length variables (inches & centimeters),
; using a square root function to determine erection size.
;
var %up = $uptime(system,3)
var %in = $sqrt($calc(0.0005 * %up))
var %cm = %in * 2.540
; If no record is set, or current uptime exceeds record
; uptime, set/adjust stored record value.
;
if ((%ePenis.record !isnum) || (%ePenis.record < %up)) {
set %ePenis.record %up
}
; Set record values.
;
var %r.in = $sqrt($calc(0.0005 * %ePenis.record))
var %r.cm = %r.in * 2.540
; No more than 2 decimals to keep it legible.
;
%in = $round(%in,2)
%cm = $round(%cm,2)
%r.in = $round(%r.in,2)
%r.cm = $round(%r.cm,2)
; Proceed to show my (big) erection to the rest/a friend.
;
say Based on the uptime of my $+(Win,$os) box, $&
my e-Penis is %in inches ( $+ %cm cm) erect! $&
Largest erection ever was %r.in inches ( $+ %r.cm cm)!
}
; Check current uptime against record upon exiting mIRC.
;
on *:exit:{
; If no record is set, or current uptime exceeds record
; uptime, set/adjust stored record value.
;
if ((%ePenis.record !isnum) || (%ePenis.record < $uptime(system,3))) {
set %ePenis.record $uptime(system,3)
}
}