Mine

ALIAS open_connect {
  socklisten -d 127.0.0.1 ircd $1
  HALT
}
ALIAS sendto_one {
  SOCKWRITE -tn $1 : $+ %me.name $2 $3 $4-
}

ALIAS send_raw {
  SOCKWRITE -tn $1 $2-
}

ON *:SOCKREAD:*:{
  SOCKREAD -fn %rawlog
  ECHO -a %rawlog

  if (%rawlog == PART #Xelium) {
    send_raw %newclient : $+ %newclient PART #Xelium
  }
  elseif (%rawlog == JOIN #Xelium) {
    send_raw %newclient : $+ %newclient JOIN #Xelium
    sendto_one %newclient 332 %newclient #Xelium :This is a test channel on a test server using a test IRCd. :P
    sendto_one %newclient 333 %newclient #Xelium ChanServ!services@xelium.org $ctime
    sendto_one %newclient 353 %newclient = #Xelium :@ $+ %newclient Ego @Kefka @BullDog @ChanServ @X @Guardian @Melissa +Rosette +Nanoha Ac BlackMage Jonathan Kyriel n Rowan Saya Setzer Staf Strike_Reyhi tobeh TrixIsOwned X-Guest238233 Tester Aile nick user host NickServ MemoServ OperServ DevNull BotServ Services Service server IRC IRCd Test User TestUser
    sendto_one %newclient 366 %newclient #Xelium :End of channel nick list.
    send_raw %newclient :ChanServ!services@xelium.org NOTICE %newclient :[#Xelium] This is a test ENTRY MESSAGE notice.
    send_raw %newclient :X!cservice@xelium.org NOTICE %newclient :[#Xelium] And so is this. :O
    send_raw %newclient :X!cservice@xelium.org MODE #Xelium +oF %newclient %newclient 
    .TIMER 1 3 send_raw %newclient :Ego!~Ego@tistical.dumbasses.org PRIVMSG #Xelium :Har har, I hax!~ ^_~
    .TIMER 1 5 send_raw %newclient :X!cservice@xelium.org MODE #Xelium :+b *!*@*.dumbasses.org
    .TIMER 1 5 send_raw %newclient :X!cservice@xelium.org KICK #Xelium Ego :[AutoKick] User has been banned from the channel.
    .TIMER 1 10 send_raw %newclient :Ego!~Ego@X-EDFJH38327D.tistical.jp JOIN #Xelium
    .TIMER 1 13 send_raw %newclient :Ego!~Ego@X-EDFJH38327D.tistical.jp PRIVMSG #Xelium :I CAN EVADE BANS, and such.
    .TIMER 1 25 send_raw %newclient :shade!~Mystic@. JOIN #Xelium
    .TIMER 1 28 send_raw %newclient :Ego!~Ego@X-EDFJH38327D.tistical.jp PRIVMSG #Xelium :Oshi- :O
    .TIMER 1 37 sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** GLINE: G:Line for *@*.tistical.jp added by shade (Does not expire).
    .TIMER 1 38 send_raw %newclient :Ego!~Ego@X-EDFJH38327D.tistical.jp QUIT :User has been banned (shade (Penis penis butt butt))
    .TIMER 1 38 sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** EXIT: Client exiting at nova.xelium.org port 6667: Ego!~Ego@immahaxu.tistical.jp (User has been banned (shade (Penis penis butt butt)))
    .TIMER 1 45 send_raw %newclient :hsdj!~BiTCH@X-FDH83ADF.zippcomplex.something.ro JOIN #Xelium
    .TIMER 1 50 send_raw %newclient :hsdj!~BiTCH@X-FDH83ADF.zippcomplex.something.ro QUIT :X (Autokilled: Attempting to spread a virus/trojan)
    .TIMER 1 50 sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** SPAMFILTER: G:Line added for user hsdj (BiTCH Bot)
    .TIMER 1 50 sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** EXIT: Client exiting at nova.xelium.org port 6667: hsdj!~BiTCH@dingus.zippcomplex.something.ro (X (Autokilled: Attempting to spread a virus/trojan))
    .TIMER 1 55 send_raw %newclient :Kefka MODE #Xelium +oFoFoZ shade shade Aile Aile BlackMage BlackMage
    .TIMER 1 60 send_raw %newclient :shade MODE #Xelium -oF shade shade
    .TIMER 1 63 send_raw %newclient :shade MODE #Xelium +F BlackMage
    .TIMER 1 63 sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** OVERRIDE: [#Xelium] shade set mode: +F BlackMage
    .TIMER 1 68 send_raw %newclient :Staf!~Staf@X-5678DBA4.slkc.qwest.net QUIT :Killed (So's your face)
    .TIMER 1 69 sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** SILENT KILL: Kefka used SKILL on Staf (So's your face)
    .TIMER 1 69 sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** EXITT: Client exiting at nova.xelium.org port 6667: Staf!~Staf@X-5678DBA4.slkc.qwest.net (X (So's your face))

  }

  elseif ($regex(raw,%rawlog,^WHOIS Kefka$) == 1) {
    sendto_one %newclient 311 %newclient Kefka ~Crimson NetAdmin.Xelium.org * :Kefka Palazzo
    sendto_one %newclient 307 %newclient Kefka :has identified for their nick.
    sendto_one %newclient 319 %newclient Kefka :!@#KefkasTower !@#Xelium !@#Support #uno
    sendto_one %newclient 312 %newclient Kefka *.xelium.org :Xelium IRC Network
    sendto_one %newclient 313 %newclient Kefka :is an IRC Operator
    sendto_one %newclient 313 %newclient Kefka :is a Xelium Network Founder
    sendto_one %newclient 313 %newclient Kefka :is a Services Root Administrator
    sendto_one %newclient 317 %newclient Kefka $rand(1000,10000) $ctime :seconds idle, signon time
    sendto_one %newclient 318 %newclient Kefka :End of Whois.
  }

  elseif ($regex(raw,%rawlog,^TJOIN TestGuy #Xelium) == 1) {
    sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** TechAdmin override: %newclient force TestGuy to join #Xelium.
    send_raw %newclient :TestGuy!~test@X-HD83KS92.test-guy.biz JOIN #Xelium
    .TIMER 1 5 %newclient :TestGuy!~test@X-HD83KS92.test-guy.biz PRIVMSG #Xelium :...
    .TIMER 1 10 %newclient :TestGuy!~test@X-HD83KS92.test-guy.biz PART #Xelium
  }

}

ON *:SOCKLISTEN:ircd:{
  set %newclient client $+ $rand(1,9999)
  SOCKACCEPT %newclient
  sendto_one %newclient 001 AUTH :Your unique ID is %newclient $+ .
  sendto_one %newclient 001 AUTH :Processing your connection... 
  sendto_one %newclient NOTICE AUTH :*** Testing socket connections for standard IRC commands.
  sendto_one %newclient NOTICE AUTH :*** NICK and USER commands are disabled, using standard client info.
  send_raw %newclient :AUTH NICK %newclient
  sendto_one %newclient 001 %newclient :Welcome to the Xelium test IRCd, %newclient $+ !
  sendto_one %newclient 002 %newclient :Your host is nova.xelium.org, running version XelIRCd0.0.1
  sendto_one %newclient 003 %newclient :No info on the server is available for distro yet.
  sendto_one %newclient 004 %newclient nova.xelium.org XelIRCd0.0.1 :No modes are available.
  sendto_one %newclient 005 %newclient NAMESX MAXCHANNELS=1 CHANLIMIT=#:1 MAXLIST=b:1,e:1,I:1 NICKLEN=20 CHANNELLEN=10 TOPICLEN=300 AWAYLEN=20 MAXTARGETS=20 WALLCHOPS :are supported by this server
  sendto_one %newclient 005 %newclient WATCH=100 SILENCE=20 MODES=3 CHANTYPES=!+&# PREFIX=(FZohv)!&@%+ CHANMODES=beIFZ,k,l,psmntir NETWORK=Xelium CASEMAPPING=ascii ELIST=MNUCT STATUSMSG=!&@%+ EXCEPTS INVEX :are supported by this server
  sendto_one %newclient 005 %newclient CMDS=KNOCK,MAP,USERIP :are supported by this server
  sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :You are now fully connected, sending MOTD message.
  sendto_one %newclient 272 %newclient :MOTD File is missing.
  sendto_one %newclient 272 %newclient :The modes being set on you do NOTHING, just a test.
  send_raw %newclient : $+ %newclient MODE %newclient :+iwsx
  sendto_one %newclient 381 %newclient :You are now a Network Founder.
  sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** OPER: %newclient is now a Network Founder.
  send_raw %newclient : $+ %newclient MODE %newclient :+oNZaTps +*
  sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** IMPORTANT: You can /WHOIS Kefka, but noone else at the moment.
  sendto_one %newclient NOTICE %newclient :*** IMPORTANT: Type /JOIN #Xelium now.
  HALT
}