(3:22:19 AM) Jaey: Kev
(3:22:29 AM) kbmu21pikapp: yes?
(3:22:33 AM) kbmu21pikapp: Jaymes
(3:23:06 AM) Jaey: There is something I need you to know, because I am not sure you do know.
(3:23:09 AM) Jaey: Do you know Michael
(3:23:26 AM) kbmu21pikapp: Michael?
(3:23:33 AM) Jaey: Michael Johnson.
(3:23:42 AM) Jaey: aka Mike
(3:23:46 AM) kbmu21pikapp: yeah
(3:23:53 AM) Jaey: I see
(3:23:54 AM) kbmu21pikapp: what about him
(3:23:59 AM) Jaey: Where do you stand with him.
(3:24:12 AM) kbmu21pikapp: as friends
(3:24:15 AM) kbmu21pikapp: why
(3:25:06 AM) kbmu21pikapp: he sent me an email two weeks ago
(3:25:06 AM) kbmu21pikapp: said he is in iraq
(3:25:06 AM) kbmu21pikapp: he sent me an email two weeks ago
(3:25:06 AM) kbmu21pikapp: but I have not seen him
(3:25:06 AM) kbmu21pikapp: said he is in iraq
(3:25:06 AM) kbmu21pikapp: at all
(3:25:06 AM) kbmu21pikapp: but I have not seen him
(3:25:06 AM) kbmu21pikapp: why?
(3:25:07 AM) kbmu21pikapp: at all
(3:25:07 AM) kbmu21pikapp: why?
(3:25:14 AM) kbmu21pikapp: are you with him?
(3:25:23 AM) Jaey: No I'm not with him
(3:25:28 AM) kbmu21pikapp: ok
(3:25:49 AM) Jaey: moment
(3:25:52 AM) Jaey: I'll finish what I was saying
(3:25:54 AM) Jaey: but moment
(3:29:01 AM) Jaey: Thing is
(3:29:21 AM) Jaey: Back around the fall of 08, when me and him used to talk a lot and stuff.
(3:29:37 AM) Jaey: We were good friends at the time, coming off of an online relaitonship that didn't end too well
(3:29:52 AM) Jaey: But when he learned I was talking to you
(3:29:54 AM) Jaey: he had me call you
(3:30:08 AM) Jaey: and listened to what you said, because apparently you had told him many things that made him like you
(3:30:16 AM) Jaey: then you went and told me quite a few things that pist him off
(3:30:22 AM) Jaey: I'm sure you recall the day he went off on you
(3:30:25 AM) Jaey: ever since then
(3:30:42 AM) Jaey: I can't be sure if what you say is what you mean, or how many others have you told such things and have left behind?
(3:30:54 AM) Jaey: Sorry to say it so bluntly.. but my heart has been hurt one too many times
(3:30:59 AM) Jaey: I'm protecting it more this time
(3:31:06 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I understand
(3:31:46 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I am sorry if you feel that way
(3:32:05 AM) Jaey: I'm sorry I feel this way too
(3:32:06 AM) Jaey: I hate it
(3:32:09 AM) Jaey: but I can't stop it
(3:32:43 AM) Jaey: I've cried too many times over people who would tell me sweet things and raise my hopes, online.. but they'd never come through.. it got to the point where I don't want to cry anymore
(3:32:43 AM) kbmu21pikapp: Mike didn't tell you that there was a time period that we had stopped talking did he
(3:33:08 AM) Jaey: I already know Mike isn't perfect and he too has hurt others
(3:33:20 AM) Jaey: I am just trying to explain to you why I act the way I do
(3:33:23 AM) kbmu21pikapp: yeah me for one
(3:33:57 AM) Jaey: My trust for people in general, has fallen far below what it used to be
(3:34:09 AM) Jaey: I used to be able to freely love and trust any soul that I came across
(3:34:10 AM) Jaey: now
(3:34:15 AM) Jaey: I just don't care anymore
(3:34:45 AM) Jaey: That's what happens when a heart is broken, then shattered, then the remains stomped on by the lies, false hopes, and sweet nothings people say.
(3:34:59 AM) Jaey: I'm ok to being a friend of yours
(3:35:04 AM) Jaey: But when you start saying Love
(3:35:09 AM) Jaey: I find it hard to swallow
(3:35:23 AM) kbmu21pikapp: trust me I have been down that road b4
(3:35:33 AM) Jaey: I am taking my first steps..
(3:35:59 AM) Jaey: Perhaps you'll notice something
(3:36:03 AM) Jaey: ever since I became hurt
(3:36:11 AM) Jaey: I just stopped respecting myself or loving myself
(3:36:15 AM) Jaey: and became whore-ish
(3:36:17 AM) Jaey: as you know
(3:36:40 AM) Jaey: because I just didn't care for love anymore or emotions.. I felt that everyone who said anything nice to me just wanted sooner or later to fuck me and get it over with
(3:36:44 AM) Jaey: so I just got it out of the way
(3:36:48 AM) Jaey: 9 times out of 10
(3:36:49 AM) Jaey: I am right
(3:36:56 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I am not like that
(3:37:04 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I am not out for a piece of ass
(3:37:12 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I am out for settling down
(3:37:23 AM) Jaey: Kev
(3:37:29 AM) kbmu21pikapp: and starting a life with someone who will love me for me, let me love them for them
(3:37:31 AM) kbmu21pikapp: and that;s it
(3:37:45 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I have been through 3 engagements down the drain
(3:38:03 AM) Jaey: I don't know how or when you've changed, if you have... but when you say those things.. I only can wonder who else have heard those words come from your lips?
(3:38:08 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I got cheat on by my ex when I came home christmas break from part of my deployment
(3:38:19 AM) kbmu21pikapp: noone else
(3:38:29 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I have not been intimate in over 11months
(3:38:40 AM) kbmu21pikapp: i have not been in a relationship in almost a year
(3:39:03 AM) Jaey: I don't think I have yet to experience an real relationship in real life
(3:39:10 AM) Jaey: just..
(3:39:11 AM) Jaey: sex
(3:39:18 AM) Jaey: that's all I ever get
(3:39:24 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I am not about that
(3:39:40 AM) kbmu21pikapp: and if he has told u that I am then he is dead wrong
(3:40:09 AM) Jaey: He doesn't say much of anything about you
(3:40:13 AM) Jaey: only thing I have heard of you from him
(3:40:13 AM) kbmu21pikapp: ok
(3:40:19 AM) Jaey: is you wanting to meet while there in Iraq
(3:40:33 AM) kbmu21pikapp: he wanted to meet me here
(3:40:38 AM) Jaey: he, or you
(3:40:39 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I told him sure
(3:40:41 AM) Jaey: who initiated it?
(3:40:43 AM) kbmu21pikapp: he did
(3:41:01 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I agreed to it but it would only be just to chat and nothing more than that
(3:41:11 AM) Jaey: was it in an email?
(3:41:17 AM) kbmu21pikapp: no IM
(3:41:23 AM) kbmu21pikapp: he im'd me out of nowhere
(3:41:24 AM) Jaey: Do you have the log?
(3:41:28 AM) kbmu21pikapp: no
(3:41:31 AM) Jaey: I see
(3:41:32 AM) kbmu21pikapp: not now
(3:41:39 AM) Jaey: I log every chat
(3:41:41 AM) Jaey: for that purpose
(3:41:51 AM) Jaey: I have stuff from back in 06
(3:41:54 AM) Jaey: so
(3:41:54 AM) Jaey: ya
(3:42:02 AM) Jaey: Kev
(3:42:03 AM) kbmu21pikapp: i understand
(3:42:07 AM) Jaey: I don't know what is to become of us
(3:42:09 AM) Jaey: or where it will go
(3:42:13 AM) Jaey: but I wanted to make that clear
(3:42:19 AM) kbmu21pikapp: see I dont know how to log chats sorry
(3:42:20 AM) Jaey: so you could better understand why I act the way I do
(3:42:24 AM) kbmu21pikapp: you can show me if you want
(3:42:35 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I understand trust me
(3:43:00 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I have been hurt and hurt and hurt and cheated on and cheated on had 3 engagements go down the drain
(3:43:21 AM) Jaey: I am truly sorry
(3:43:29 AM) Jaey: but for now, I am going to go back with my roomies
(3:43:31 AM) Jaey: I'll ttyl
(3:43:41 AM) kbmu21pikapp: I feel like I am never going to be happy
(3:43:52 AM) kbmu21pikapp: and I am never going to settle down
(3:44:01 AM) Jaey: Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.