So I thought about what I can give you for your birthday and then I realized that there is nothing I can buy you that will actually make any difference, my hope is that by the time you reach the end of this, I would have given you something that has the kind of value that counts. I don't really know where to begin, there have been many a thing that you don't remember or were hopefully young enough to have forgotten. When I was about your age, I stopped speaking to our father because one time on the phone he called Grandma a bitch. I remember clearly how I felt at the time. I was so angry, and obviously now that I am older I realize that wasn't the real reason. I felt that he didn't make enough of an effort to try to speak to me over the years. I now realize there wasn't anything he could have done at the time to make it better. I regret it now, becasue I never really got to know him and he in turn never got to know me. I am trying to aviod making the same mistakes with you. I however, feel that I am failing.
Perhaps you hate me, perhaps you have good reason to. I really am not sure why you completly decieded to cut me off. I think there is some
mark in time in your head that exists that made you deciede to stop
speaking to me. I don't know if you have thought about the future, or
what will come of us. I don't want it to turn into what I have with our father, just a feeling of nothing, that he doesn't know me and missed
out on the important times of my life so how could he. I would really nothing more then to be your friend again, I don't know if thats possible, I don't know if you want me involved in your life. I just want to make it clear to you that I love you and care about you and whatever way you feel i have wronged you, remember that I always had
your best intersts at heart. I am not a jeolous person, but in my entire life the only thing I have ever truly envied anyone for was the type of family they have. I have spent the majority of my life alone, doing everything alone, and I got to tell you its not all it's cracked up to be. It's a lot harder then you think. I know it may sound silly at your age, but as you get older you realize how important that family unit is. I don't even mean as a support system, but how that reflects on your ability to
have relationships with other people. I really thought we were close your entire life, and perhaps I was too controlling or decieving but that is only because I didn't think you had anyone looking after you and I was worried. I just wanted to know what you were up to. We are ten years apart which means I'm stuck between a parent and a sibling. Maybe as you got older I never found that happy medium. I really really really am asking you to at least consider making an attempt to set things right between us. So, if you would let me I'd like to take you out to dinner for your birthday. I am sorry I wasn't there, but mom told me anytime after five but forgot to mention that meant anytime before eight. I always hoped I could prevent you from making the mistakes I made, but there is really no way to do that. I suppose you have to have your own tumbles and your own falls, I'd just like to be there to catch you when you do.
I love you shorty and I always will, so feel free to drop me an email or msg me online even if it is to say go fuck yourself, at least I'll know you care enough to do that.