rendered paste body;;;; Common Lisp implementation of the Web Economy Bullshit Generator.
;;;; See http://dack.com/web/bullshit.html for the original.
;;;;
;;;; Examples:
;;;;
;;;; CL-USER> (bullshit-list)
;;;; (TARGET MAGNETIC INFOMEDIARIES)
;;;;
;;;; CL-USER> (bullshit-item)
;;;; "Exploit sexy initiatives."
;;;;
;;;; CL-USER> (bullshit-sentence)
;;;; "We guarantee to engage enterprise relationships to reintermediate
;;;; cross-media vortals."
;;;;
;;;; CL-USER> (bullshit-paragraph)
;;;; "It is imperative that we productize cross-media e-markets or enable
;;;; compelling applications. We engineer holistic methodologies in order
;;;; to embrace 24/7 infrastructures to monetize impactful niches. We
;;;; guarantee to expedite sexy mindshare and redefine 24/7 e-business.
;;;; This makes it possible to orchestrate killer technologies to e-enable
;;;; best-of-breed bandwidth to be able to utilize compelling
;;;; infrastructures."
(defparameter *verbs*
'#(
aggregate
architect
benchmark
brand
cultivate
deliver
deploy
disintermediate
drive
e-enable
embrace
empower
enable
engage
engineer
enhance
envisioneer
evolve
expedite
exploit
extend
facilitate
generate
grow
harness
implement
incentivize
incubate
innovate
integrate
iterate
leverage
matrix
maximize
mesh
monetize
morph
optimize
orchestrate
productize
recontextualize
redefine
reintermediate
reinvent
repurpose
revolutionize
scale
seize
strategize
streamline
syndicate
synergize
synthesize
target
transform
transition
unleash
utilize
visualize
whiteboard))
(defparameter *adjectives*
'#(
24/365
24/7
B2B
B2C
back-end
best-of-breed
bleeding-edge
bricks-and-clicks
clicks-and-mortar
collaborative
compelling
cross-platform
cross-media
customized
cutting-edge
distributed
dot-com
dynamic
e-business
efficient
end-to-end
enterprise
extensible
frictionless
front-end
global
granular
holistic
impactful
innovative
integrated
interactive
intuitive
killer
leading-edge
magnetic
mission-critical
next-generation
one-to-one
open-source
out-of-the-box
plug-and-play
proactive
real-time
revolutionary
rich
robust
scalable
seamless
sexy
sticky
strategic
synergistic
transparent
turn-key
ubiquitous
user-centric
value-added
vertical
viral
virtual
visionary
web-enabled
wireless
world-class))
(defparameter *nouns*
'#(
action-items
applications
architectures
bandwidth
channels
communities
content
convergence
deliverables
e-business
e-commerce
e-markets
e-services
e-tailers
experiences
eyeballs
functionalities
infomediaries
infrastructures
initiatives
interfaces
markets
methodologies
metrics
mindshare
models
networks
niches
paradigms
partnerships
platforms
portals
relationships
ROI
synergies
web-readiness
schemas
solutions
supply-chains
systems
technologies
users
vortals
web-services))
(defparameter *sentence-starts*
'#(
we
|we guarantee to|
|it is important to|
|it is imperative that we|
|we ensure to|
|this makes it possible to|
|this enables us to|
|always remember that we|
|moreover, we|))
(defparameter *sentence-separators*
'#(
and
or
to
|in order to|
|to be able to|
|which enable us to|))
(defun random-symbol (vector)
(svref vector (random (array-dimension vector 0))))
(defun bullshit-list ()
(list (random-symbol *verbs*)
(random-symbol *adjectives*)
(random-symbol *nouns*)))
(defun print-sentence (list)
(format nil "~@(~{~a~^ ~}~)." list))
(defun bullshit-item ()
(print-sentence (bullshit-list)))
(defun bullshit-sentence ()
(let ((l (list (random-symbol *sentence-starts*)))
(r (1+ (random 2))))
(declare (type fixnum r))
(loop repeat r do
(setf l (append l
(bullshit-list)
(list (random-symbol *sentence-separators*)))))
(print-sentence (append l (bullshit-list)))))
(defun bullshit-paragraph ()
(let ((s "")
(r (+ 3 (random 3))))
(loop repeat r do
(setf s (concatenate 'string s
(bullshit-sentence)
" ")))
(subseq s 0 (- (length s) 2))))